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Humorous Quotes Quotes

Humorous Quotes quote from classy quote

Wisdom of the Ages: Friendship The only ship that can weather any storm.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Friendship Quote Humorous Inspirational Humorous Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages: New Year's Eve The last day you can do all the things you are resolving to give up-until you give up on your New Year's resolutions.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Humorous Quotes New Year S Eve

Play and be happy.

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Lailah Gifty Akita Funny Humor Funny Quotes Happiness Life Happiness Quote Happyquotes Humorous Quotes Life Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages The Marshawn US Army's new main battle tank. Runs over enemies instead of shooting them. Biggest expense: maintaining the dreadlocks hanging off the turret.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Humorous Quotes Marshawn Lynch Seattle Seahawks

What are you doing?”Celaena lifted another piece of paper. “If His Pirateness can’t be bothered to clean for us, then I don’t see why I can’t have a look.”“He’ll be here any second,” Sam hissed. She picked up a flattened map, examining the dots and markings along the coastline of their continent. Something small and round gleamed beneath the map, and she slipped it into her pocket before Sam could notice.“Oh, hush,” she said, opening the hutch on the wall adjacent to the desk. “With these creaky floors, we’ll hear him a mile off.” The hutch was crammed with rolled scrolls, quills, the odd coin, and some very old, very expensive-looking brandy. She pulled out a bottle, swirling the amber liquid in the sunlight streaming through the tiny porthole window. “Care for a drink?

~ Sarah J. Maas

Sarah J. Maas Celaena Sardothien Humorous Quotes Sam Cortland Sass

Common sense is a tool that isn't in everyone's shed.

~ Tanya Masse

Tanya Masse Common Sense Humorous Quotes Life Quotes About Life

Go Big or Go Home

~ Kari Sherman

Kari Sherman Humorous Quotes

I was very sorry to hear about your losses. Your brother was a terrible traitor, I know, but if we start killing men at weddings they'll be more frightened of marriage than they are presently. (Olenna Tyrell to Sansa Stark

~ George R.r. Martin

George R.r. Martin Humorous Quotes

I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call food.

~ Carla H. Krueger

Carla H. Krueger Author Carla H Krueger Funny Humor Humorous Quotes Humour Hungry Selling Books Will Write For Food

Observation:Thanks to technological advances, avid readers seem to be replacing DTBAD (Dead Tree Book Acquisition Disorder) with an alphabet soup of more more modern-day hoarding behaviors: EBAD (E-Book Acquistion Disorder), EGAD (Electronic Gadget Acquisition Disorder), and ABAD (Audiobook Acquisition Disorder). Of course, there's also MYBAD (Movie and YouTube Acquisition Disorder: the hoarding or obsessive viewing of digital films and videos, some based on books). If any of these syndromes describes you, take heart: there's probably an app for that! - 8/9/2013

~ Lisa Tolliver

Lisa Tolliver Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes Observational Humor Witty

There is nothing more stimulating to the senses than that of a female body freshly emerged from a steaming hot shower, bathed in oils and feminine scents... well nothing except maybe a freshly opened package of chocolate double-stuffed Oreos.

~ Mark W. Boyer

Mark W. Boyer Female Beauty Humorous Quotes Mark Boyer Relationship Quotes Senses

First, let me finish. Then interrupt.

~ Brian Spellman

Brian Spellman Conversation Conversations Humorous Quotes Interruption Interruptions

The American dream is actually Cuban.

~ Andrés Aloi

Andrés Aloi Humorous Quotes

Kind of a bummer, getting your butt kicked by a dead guy.

~ James Morrison

James Morrison Funny Humorous Quotes

A gold cage is still a cage.-King David IOh, go cry in a bag of money.-Queen Christina

~ Maryjanice Davidson

Maryjanice Davidson Alaskan Royal Family Gilded Cage Humorous Quotes

Few seem to be able to eat a turkey leg at Disneyland without splattering tsunami scale grease, so grab plenty of napkins or wear a bib, tablecloth or scuba suit.

~ Leslie Le Mon

Leslie Le Mon Disneyland Humorous Quotes Turkey Legs Turkeys

I would rather write a book without a title if my true friend chooses to live in a million dollar home in London and acts foreign.

~ Duop Chak Wuol

Duop Chak Wuol Common Sense Humor Humorous Quotes Political Philosophy Proverb

A balanced dieT to make you die with a tea, consists of holding two bags of cookies on each hand and a voracious hunger to consume.

~ Ana Claudia Antunes

Ana Claudia Antunes Consumerism Consumption Cookies Diet Industry Dieting Humorous Quotes Industrial Food Nourishment Nourishment Of Soul Sugar Addiction

Engineer is the one who thinks Dark Fantasy is a condom and not a biscuit

~ Subhasis Das

Subhasis Das Humorous Quotes

I'm torn between none of your business and kiss my ass.

~ Elle Todd

Elle Todd Humorous Quotes

By the time that adorable steak and I had become one flesh I could have taken on the whole Valmy clan singlehanded.

~ Mary Stewart

Mary Stewart Humorous Quotes

Sorry, maybe this is the head injury talking, but … what?

~ Stacey Kade

Stacey Kade Humor Humorous Quotes

Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children.

~ John Green

John Green Humorous Quotes

You know, in some cultures, when you save someone's life, you're then responsible for it.Allison thought about telling him she'd seen the same movie and was pretty sure the claim was bogus. Instead, she offered her own bit of nonsense. In some cultures, saving a life is considered an interference with fate and is punishable by death.

~ Elle Todd

Elle Todd Humor Humorous Quotes

My dog hasn't said a word all day, he must have a lot on his mind

~ Seth Czerepak

Seth Czerepak Animal Quotes Funny Dog Quotes Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes On Liners

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. ~ Jane Austin. Arguably one of the best opening lines in literary history (I said ARGUABLY doesn't mean I want to argue). However, to make it a modern retelling it would have to read: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man or women in possession of a good fortune, just treading water or so broke it aint no joke, must be in want of a life partner.

~ Brandy Potter

Brandy Potter Humorous Quotes Jane Austen Modern Re Telling Pride And Prejudice Pride And Prejudice Adaptation

I didn't want to tell him that I was so wet that Noah would have had to build an ark to avoid the flood in my pants - Moxie

~ Z.b. Heller

Z.b. Heller Humorous Quotes

Hangin' upside down ain't good for nobody but possums.

~ Diann Mills

Diann Mills Humorous Quotes

The fifth sense is common sense- either you have it or you don't.

~ Jennifer Shong

Jennifer Shong Common Sense Common Sense Quotes Humorous Quotes Senses

Jersey cows,” Eva explained after Jac complimented the luxurious taste. “The butter and cream here are better than anywhere in the world.”“Not that we’re prejudiced,” Theo teased.

~ M.j. Rose

M.j. Rose Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes Prejudice

If you don't have a headache by the end of this class, I'm not doing my job.

~ Kristy Moody

Kristy Moody Humorous Quotes

Well, she asked him questions about his age and his attainments. The fact that he was a Catholic gave her pause, but when I explained to her that the present Pope was a well-meaning sort of chap, she said she was prepared to meet him halfway.

~ Elizabeth Cadell

Elizabeth Cadell Humorous Quotes

It's easy to have high morals when you'd be safe naked in the middle of San Quentin Prison.

~ Ed Williams

Ed Williams Humorous Quotes Inspirational

Damn, he was good. I'd been professionally sullied without a single item of clothing removed.

~ Kylie Scott

Kylie Scott Humorous Quotes

You know what we have to do?The Italian nodded. I know.You don't look too happy about it.Defacing a beautiful building is a crime.But killing people is not? Dee asked.Well, people can always be replaced.

~ Michael Scott

Michael Scott Humorous Quotes

You can't oversleep if you don't make plans to wake up early.

~ Elizabeth Jane Howard

Elizabeth Jane Howard Humorous Quotes Sleeping In

Do you recall telling Dr. Phillips during your appointment on February second of last year that you needed to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases because—let me make sure I get this correct here . . .” Taylor read out loud from her file, “Because, quote, ‘your weasel-dick husband slept with a skanky whore stripper and the cheating bastard didn’t use a rubber’?” Ms. Campbell shot up in her chair. “She actually wrote that down?” The jury tittered with amused laughter and sat up interestedly. Finally—things were starting to look a little more like Law & Order around here. “I take it that’s a yes?” Taylor asked.

~ Julie James

Julie James Humorous Quotes

In movies, we are accustomed to seeing handsome actors. It's so commonplace on the screen, large or small, that we barely note it as extraordinary. But in life, rarely do we encounter an onslaught of beauty, entire a hive of handsomeness, find ourselves awash in an ocean of attractiveness, drowning in a miasma of hotness.

~ Shannon Hale

Shannon Hale Humorous Quotes

By the way, I have a bone to pick with you. EsperettaOnly one? VelkanAt the moment. EsperettaThen I can't wait to hear it. Velkan'Bram' and 'Stoker'? EsperettaIt was fitting, I thought. Velkan

~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Sherrilyn Kenyon Bram Stoker Dog Names Humorous Quotes

If men had to have babies there wouldn’t be any sex life left.

~ Thorne Smith

Thorne Smith Humorous Quotes
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