Sarcasm Quotes

You must be a blast on long car rides.”“Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in the front seat of a Civic.

~ Nenia Campbell

Then I wondered if that was what this was, like a Brokeback Mountain thing. We’d sleep in the same bed for a year, and finally we’d do it, but we’d never talk about it, ever, and then Ben would get married and I’d be killed in Texas.Probably not, but you can never be too careful with these things.

~ Bill Konigsberg

Is this the baby? I said.Ma turned on me again.What do you think it is? she said. A midget that can't talk?

~ George Saunders

There's nothing like a headless corpse to bring a touch of excitement into one's life.

~ Chet Williamson

Nothing like an orange and olive green-striped couch sitting on orange carpet and surrounded by dark wood paneling to get the inspiration rolling.

~ Erynn Mangum

I opened my eyes really wide and fluttered my eyelashes at him. I'm sorry, I must've missed your coronation ceremony. Silly me. from Clean Sweep

~ Ilona Andrews

Right. That's twenty-two fifty.Twenty-two fifty? We can't hide our exasperation.Well, yeah - this is a classy joint, you know.That's obvious - the service is incredible.

~ Markus Zusak

If by ‘foe’ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I’d fall into the ‘friend’ category,” I replied cynically. “Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.

~ M.a. George

There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden’s brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload.

~ Courtney Kirchoff

I've given her signs! I've given her plenty of signs. What does she want me to do? Slap him across the face with my glove, and challenge him to pistols at dawn?

~ Molly Ringle

If you are a writer and you write/understand sarcasm please be thankful to the government and the masses.Without their hard work and supreme idiotism it wouldn't have been possible.You owe them the brutal sarcasm, they've earned it!

~ Himmilicious

Yeah, and we could fly in on dragons and release a cloud of sugar plum fairies to tiptoe in an get the watch.

~ Mora Early

High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.

~ Chris Colfer

You are a sick, sick man,” I told him.“Thank you,” Ben replied, looking modest.

~ Patricia Briggs

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.''And yet it is still extremely funny.

~ Cecelia Ahern

You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.

~ Victoria Laurie

I understand that you don’t want to marry me,” I said. “I mean, I don’t know why, since I’m simply delightful to be around. But to each his own taste.

~ Merrie Haskell

You were a well-respected agent, Michael, a rags-to-riches fairytale ending. Until you became disgraced. Now it appears your own organization wishes to be rid of you. Why is this?”“My gun turned back into a pumpkin.

~ Nenia Campbell

Imitating someone is the mediocre way of getting humanity back to what we evolved from.

~ Shubham Choudhary

You might as well laugh at yourself,everyone else is.

~ B.j. Neblett

Ah, sarcasm. The final refuge of the desperate.

~ Ashlyn Macnamara

It feels good to shoot your veins full of heroin too, but that doesn’t mean you should go out and become a junkie.

~ Noelle Blakely

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot.

~ Marley Gibson

What am I doing here? The Southern Star has vanished, a Cataclyst is calling the moon out of time at the mythical Great Barrier, and you're asking what I'm doing here? Are you serious?

~ Kami Garcia

Go on the roller coaster they tell me. It’ll be fun they tell me. -Max Montgomery

~ Amanda Kelly

He sure told you off, huh, Icy? ~Darcy

~ Viz Media

I don’t recall either of you asking me, you know I’m a lady and I need to be asked and agree to it.

~ Amanda Kelly

The only stirrups I like are on a saddle.

~ Donna Lynn Hope

You his brother?''Yes, damn it!' I burst out. And all I want is to get my hands on whoever did this to him!''Funny,' said a dick dryly, 'but so do we.'I didn't like him much after that. Sarcasm is out of place when a man has just been brought face to face with personal tragedy.(Walls That Hear You)

~ Cornell Woolrich

Do…you…have…a…hard…time…finding…Steve’s dick?” she enunciated, enjoying Mary’s extreme discomfort. “He’s big as a fuckin’ house so I imagine it might be a bit of a problem.” The New Jersey accent that was still there after more than fifteen years in the south, resurfaced in her aggravation.

~ A.t. Hicks

The Bibbidi Bobbidi Beautiful boutique, the name filled me with dread.

~ Jessica Fortunato

Someone tells me I’ve been touched by Jesus, I remember.”“Not Jesus,” he said in all seriousness. “The hand of God.

~ Gretchen Mcneil

We had and incident. I took care of it.Really. Jace's voice dripped sarcasm. Do you even know how to use that knife, Clarissa? Without poking a hole in yourself or any innocent bystanders?

~ Cassandra Clare

Just so you know, I get incredibly bored quite easily and you will be forced to be my source of entertainment. You'll kind of be like my own personal jester.I flipped him off.Well that wasn't funny at all.

~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Kishan stretched out his hand and touched and earring lightly. His rakish pirate about-to-make-off-with-your-woman-and-what-do-you-think-you're-gonna-do-about-it look melted away to a soft smile that turned up the corner of his mouth.

~ Colleen Houck

Innocent tourists? You make me sound like the big bad wolf.”“And you’re not?” I questioned.“Only if you’re Red Riding Hood,” he said flirtatiously.“Wow, that’s original.

~ Alyssa Rose Ivy

What is your collective GPA for this year?”“Not as high as I'd like it to be.”Freud steepled his fingers in front of his mouth. “What about your parents?”“I don't know. They haven't been in school for a while.

~ Nenia Campbell

Life's a party. So smile and eat shit and pretend it's fucking caviar.

~ Nenia Campbell

She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt?

~ Daniel Marks

I don't know what it is about magic happens-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it so does cot death.

~ Tim Minchin