Comedy Quotes

I took a couple steps away from him and stopped in front of a framed colored poster of Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable from the movie Gone with the Wind. I studied the pair, Gable with his mysterious mustache and Leigh in her red ball gown. I’d become a fan of the classic, partially because of my mother’s suggestion that I looked a lot like a younger Vivien Leigh, with my dark wavy hair and sea green eyes. And as usual, I’d believed her for a little while.

~ J.c. Patrick

I got home a little after seven, but didn’t feel hungry. Instead, I crawled into my pajamas and pulled out my Jimmy Stewart movie It’s a Wonderful Life. I fixed myself a cup of herbal tea and settled in for the night. Normally, I’d save such a classic movie for the holidays, when I tended to feel sorry for myself, but today’s need felt urgent. If Jimmy was able to accept that he had a wonderful life, maybe I could, too.

~ J.c. Patrick

My mother had tried to fool me into thinking I was a natural beauty, and I’d believed her for a little while, that is, until I moved to the land of beautiful people.

~ J.c. Patrick

My life was full of drama, with the highs and lows of Tyler’s daily mood swings and my private innuendos with Vandenberg. There’d never been a movie made that could permanently shift my mood away from my disappointment with myself.

~ J.c. Patrick

I could feel the spring in my step as I walked up one flight of stairs from the parking garage into the company’s lobby. Although I wore my old blue suit, a remnant of all my previous job interviews, I felt the day had new possibilities. After all, I was interviewing at a company that made something I loved – movies!

~ J.c. Patrick

Keep still!” Tria was parsistantly kicking back and it seemed to be working “Ow!” “You three are a resistant bunch aren't you...” The man said angrily “No really how long did it take you to work that out.” Agres replied sarcastically

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

So nice to be stuck up here again, wouldn't you agree Agres.” “Not really no.” Agres replied “Day three is it” Agres nodded they where huddled up behind a rock as the cold wind blew around their small fire “I didn't really miss being stuck up here did you?” “I bet Tria, you'd rather be stuck in a swamp again wouldn't you?”“Actually I'd gladly take being stuck in a swamp over being stranded on a cold mountain any day. You hear that Dilmore!

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

It's far too easy to forget, miss or not appreciate the tiny things a partner does every single day, but should you wait until it's over or they've gone to miss who they were?

~ James Perrin

OTHER lives may find their happiest moments infiltrated with tragedy, and their proudest touched with comedy. This had almost invariably been true of mine. My proudest hour found me, the newly elected president of the United Nations, perched atop three thick New York City telephone books given me in lieu of a cushion that I might see and be seen by the delegates below the podium.

~ Carlos P. Romulo

This should be fun see how much we can annoy them this time.” “Annoy is such a harsh word...” Tria teased.

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

Agres!” she hissed again even louder this time “WHAT!” Tria smiled “Oh good you are alive.

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

So what have I missed.” Ingra asked Javal “Not much but hey I managed to reach your friend in Islette so all's good.” Javal sounded nervous but why would he be nervous?

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

Agres look!” Tria pointed Agres looked around “Very clever....” cheeky bastard Tria and Agres now found themselves back on a mountain top oh on not again

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

And Dilmore seems to be ignoring us again.” Tria says

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

It took us a stupid amount of time but we did it.

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

Welp I'm fucked, how am I meant to do that?! “Dilmore?

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

This doesn't feel right Agres...” Tria whispered “Nonsense!” Agres replied.

~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

When the occasional stranger approaches me at a party to say, Hey, you're Felicia Day. Let's talk about that comic book you were tweeting about last week! it's the greatest thing in the world. Because it saves me from having to stand in the corner awkwardly, drinking all the Sprite, and then leaving after ten minutes without saying good-bye to my host.

~ Felicia Day

No small part of the club's audience consisted of would-be comics, as well as the leading comics of the day. In fact, there were so many gagsters around that it was difficult to know who was part of the act and who was just sitting in.

~ Kliph Nesteroff

Why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?

~ Homer Simpson

I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it.

~ Deyth Banger

A life like this develops the comedy sense. You can't play tragedy while you're living it.

~ Edna Ferber

I wanted to join Footlights,” he says. “I wanted to be a writer-performer like the Pythons. In fact I wanted to be John Cleese and it took me some time to realise that the job was in fact taken.

~ Douglas Adams

They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry.

~ Karl French

I still ask myself why did you watched the film Paranormal Activity the all parts or the film The VIsit 2015. Both were home made and not big deal even stupid, you even watch football + you play one game over and over and over, you play stupid games + you watch stupid stuff and after all you still ask yourself why you are stupid. The answer is somewhere here, search it!

~ Deyth Banger

You’d be impatient and that’s understandable, but if you were making too much noise, I’d find something better for that big sweet mouth to do.

~ Eve Dangerfield

My comebacks aren't nearly as sharp as my shiv. Come inside and I'll show you.

~ Cassia Leo

How can you love someone who doesn't think they deserve to be loved?

~ Cassia Leo

Are you going to give her gonorrhea too, or was that gift just for me?

~ Cassia Leo

Tiberius sparred, “Mr. Monogamy doesn’t find my shenanigans funny? Oh thank god, if you did I’d have to chuck it all and join a monastery.” Thorne sparred, “You’d never be able to stop talking long enough.” Frost laughed, “He’d light on fire as soon as he stepped through the gate.” “Right alongside of you,” Tiberius said, patting Frost’s shoulder. “Touché,” Frost chuckled. “You do have me there.

~ Kim Cormack

Mr. Monogamy doesn’t find my shenanigans funny? Oh thank god, if you did I’d have to chuck it all and join a monastery.

~ Kim Cormack

Don't go a-hunting for a moose where there ain't no moose to hunt.

~ Richard E Mccallum

Them Frenchies!’ ‘Unchristian, that’s what I call ’em,’ responded Mr. Stubbs severely. ‘I fair compassionate that wench.

~ Georgette Heyer

He was not at the moment in very good odour at Bow Street. Such epithets as Blockhead and Blunderer had been used in connection with his last case. 'Jeremiah Stubbs, miss,’ said the Runner. ‘I am here in the execution of my dooty.

~ Georgette Heyer

The people who are scared of ghosts are the ones who discuss most about them.

~ Abhishek Krishnan

Caution: Danger ahead. Do not refer to Adriana as little in regards to either her age or stature. If you happen to disregard this most basic of laws, approach with caution. Much, much caution.

~ Gina Marinello-Sweeney

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker

~ Zach Galifianakis

Laughter is the only free emotion - the only one that can't be compelled. We can be made to fear. We can even be made to believe we're in love because, if we're kept dependent and isolated for long enough, we bond in order to survive. But laughter explodes like an aha! It comes when the punch line changes everything that has gone before, when two opposites collide and make a third and when we suddenly see a new reality...laughter is an orgasm of the mind.

~ Gloria Steinem

On the first floor, the first rule of a rumor was humor.

~ Pawan Mishra

Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights)

~ Jane Dentinger