Funny But True Quotes

By(e) pen, I've tried my hand at poetry; only to see how boring it is to me. That is, unless I get a chance to destroy each and every piece while doing it as I please.

~ Criss Jami

Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it's when the idiot laughs at you.

~ Raheel Farooq

People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

She was supportive, didn’t pry or expect anything from me, and sensed when I needed my space. If she were a guy, I’d probably date her. Or, if I were a lesbian. And if she were a lesbian. I guess we’d both have to be lesbians for that to work. Regardless, she made a pretty great friend.

~ Temple West

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous.

~ Nobita Nobi

Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all.

~ Mark Lawrence

His deepest need was that people should like him. An admirable trait that, in a spaniel. Or a whore.

~ Michael Dobbs

Hasn’t stopped us before. And besides, if they wanted to kill us, we’d be dead by now and would be having an entirely different conversation. I wonder if I’d still be mad at you, or if we would talk in words or pictures. Maybe in smells. That would be cool.” -Janco

~ Maria V. Snyder

Ish #21 Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat!

~ Regina Griffin

Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I have a bad grammar, but I do have a good message in it.

~ Sivaprakash Sidhu

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?ME: MATH.

~ Kanyaacoffman

She shuddered. “What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then.

~ Tammara Webber

It was a running joke; everyone was aware of how ridiculous the rumor mill was, and yet they all shamelessly participated in it.

~ Jamie Mcguire

Holy crap, Caleb! You're my uncle. NickNo! CalebIt's worse. He's the half-brother of your great-grandfather. KodyYou're not helping. CalebNo, but I'm entertaining myself at your adorable expense. KodyYeah, y'all are missing the important fact. To a Cajun, that makes him my uncle. NickGreat. I always wanted to be a monkey's uncle. Nice to know I finally succeeded. Caleb

~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

I don't know.  I don't really like old movies.  The acting is so, 'Hey buddy, ol' pal.  Let's go wear our hats and have a big misunderstanding

~ Stephanie Perkins

For me, the times I always regret are missed opportunities to say farewell to good people, to wish them long life and say to them in all sincerity, You build and do not destroy; you sow goodwill and reap it; smiles bloom in the wake of your passing, and I will keep your kindness in trust and share it as occasion arises, so that your life will be a quenching draught of calm in a land of drought and stress. Too often I never get to say that when it should be said. Instead, I leave them with the equivalent of a Later, dude! only to discover there would be no later for us.

~ Kevin Hearne