Humor Inspirational Quotes

Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!

~ Christina Scalise

Women, the supreme masters of the bait and switch.”D’Artagnan Bloodhawke

~ D'artagnan Bloodhawke

Life is a great big canvas, throw all tje paint you can at it.

~ Danny Kaye

Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I’d thought about him in his underwear.Much.He was talking with his friend Nathan. Where Bryce had the whole tan, blond, hazel-eyed thing going on, Nathan was fair with dark hair and dark eyes. They looked like opposite sides of the same coin. A really hot, totally unreachable coin that a collector would keep in a special locked case, which normal girls like myself were not allowed to touch.

~ Chris Cannon

You are having a bad day? Remember it could always be worse... It could be me having a bad day!

~ Mark W. Boyer

A few years after I gave some lectures for the freshmen at Caltech (which were published as the Feynman Lectures on Physics), I received a long letter from a feminist group. I was accused of being anti-women because of two stories: the first was a discussion of the subtleties of velocity, and involved a woman driver being stopped by a cop. There's a discussion about how fast she was going, and I had her raise valid objections to the cop's definitions of velocity. The letter said I was making the women look stupid. The other story they objected to was told by the great astronomer Arthur Eddington, who had just figured out that the stars get their power from burning hydrogen in a nuclear reaction producing helium. He recounted how, on the night after his discovery, he was sitting on a bench with his girlfriend. She said, Look how pretty the stars shine! To which he replied, Yes, and right now, I'm the only man in the world who knows how they shine. He was describing a kind of wonderful loneliness you have when you make a discovery. The letter claimed that I was saying a women is incapable of understanding nuclear reactions. I figured there was no point in trying to answer their accusations in detail, so I wrote a short letter back to them: Don't bug me, Man!

~ Richard Feynman

If life gives you the wobbles make jelly.

~ Magdalena Vandenberg

Don't bore the universe.

~ Anas Khan (Tech Savvy)

If I had created myself, I would be taller, blond, and more well endowed, financially. I would have cast out spiders and bad-hair days. Therefore, and hence, I believe strongly in a Creator who not only gave me the gift, but the free will to create my own journey through life.

~ Audrey Conn

But I've bought a big bat.I'm all ready, you see.Now my troubles are goingTo have trouble with me!

~ Dr. Seuss

Love is relative to the moment.

~ Delma Pryce

If there is but one pearl of wisdom I have to impart to you, after all my observations here thus far, it is do not take yourself too seriously. Because when you get here, you might just find that you are not exactly who or what you thought you were.

~ Natasha Rendell

I took a little walk outside for a while. I was surprised that I wasn't feeling what I thought people were supposed to feel under the circumstances. May be I was fooling myself. I wasn't delighted, but I didn't feel terribly upset, perhaps because we had known for a long time that it was going to happen.It's hard to explain. If a Martian(who, we'll imagine never dies except by accident) came to Earth and saw this peculiar race of creatures-these humans who live about seventy or eighty years, knowing that death is going to come--it would look to hi like a terrible problem of psychology to live under those circumstances, knowing that life is only temporary Well, we humans somehow figure out how to live despite this problem: we laugh, we joke, we live.The only difference for me and Arlene was, instead of fifty years, it was five years. It was only a quantitative difference--the psychological problem was just the same. The only way it would have become any different is if we had said to ourselves, But those other people have it better, because they might live fifty years. But that's crazy. Why make yourself miserable saying things like, Why do we have such bad luck? What has God done to us? What have we done to deserve this?--all of which, if you understand reality and take it completely into your heart, are irrelevant and unsolvable. They are just things that nobody can know. Your situation is just an accident of life..We had a hell of good time together...

~ Richard Feynman

I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it's harder, therefore affording me the opportunity to show off.

~ Rita Mae Brown

But maybe that's one of the important things about America—that somebody would even ask a nobody like me what America means to her. In America, it matters what you think. You can bet that Hitler's not asking his people what Germany means to them. He's telling them what it means to him, and if it doesn't mean the same thing to them, they get shipped off to prison. Here at least a person has the right to complain and to vote and to complain some more if the fellow they vote for doesn't win.

~ Julia Watts

There is a story I always tell my students...when I came for the 1st time to the US. I didn’t speak English (Only Spanish) & I saw on every door the word “exit” which in Spanish means Success = Exito. And then I said :”No wonder Americans are winners ,every door they open leads to success

~ Pablo

positivity is the father of reinvention

~ Josh Stern

If positivity is not your mindset, then reset

~ Josh Stern

Why one human being is attracted to another is one of the great mysteries of the world.

~ Claire Cook

Don't judge a cat by its coat.

~ Magdalena Vandenberg

Please, God,' Ruth would pray, 'don't let me be competitive. Let me realize what a privilege it is to study. Let me remember that knowledge must be pursued for its own sake and please, please stop me wanting to beat Verena Plackett in the exams.'She prayed hard and she meant what she said. But God was busy that autumn as the International Brigade came back, defeated, from Spain, Hitler's bestialities increased, and sparrows everywhere continued to fall.

~ Eva Ibbotson

I realized I was officially a professional writer when all my plans began with drink coffee and ended with take a nap.

~ Cassandra Duffy

I think sometimes people think cheerful is a synonym for dumb, so no one is ever cheerful.

~ Mindy Kaling

Better days are coming! They're called Saturday and Sunday.

~ Karen Salmansohn

If life takes you long way, take a shortcut!

~ Baba

Yeah, Mel! If she shoves you again, smack her in the face! bellowed Mika.Kira glared at Mika. I mean, beat her in the race!

~ Katie Mattie

The only way to the top is killing and greed. Okay, I’m kidding. But killing helps.

~ Douglas Coupland

I suddenly remembered that Murray Gell-Mann and I were supposed to give talks at that conference on the present situation of high-energy physics. My talk was set for the plenary session, so I asked the guide, Sir, where would the talks for the plenary session of the conference be?Back in that room that we just came through.Oh! I said in delight. Then I'm gonna give a speech in that room!The guide looked down at my dirty pants and my sloppy shirt. I realized how dumb that remark must have sounded to him, but it was genuine surprise and delight on my part. We went along a little bit farther, and the guide said, This is a lounge for the various delegates, where they often hold informal discussions. They were some small, square windows in the doors to the lounge that you could look through, so people looked in. There were a few men sitting there talking. I looked through the windows and saw Igor Tamm, a physicist from Russia that I know. Oh! I said. I know that guy! and I started through the door.The guide screamed, No, no! Don't go in there! By this time he was sure he had a maniac on his hands, but he couldn't chase me because he wasn't allowed to go through the door himself!

~ Richard Feynman

Don't stop aspiring. Just learn to duck. . .

~ Leif Herrgesell

If someone wanted to have a grudge against me, or didn't agree with my lifestyle, the way I breathed, the space I took up on this planet, they had an open door to 'report' to the powers that be.

~ Mark Alders

When you focus on the positive, the blessings and the humor and just do your thing and you stop worrying SO much about what every one else is thinking and doing and STOP taking life way too seriously... Awesomeness happens!

~ Tanya Masse

Only you can change yourself, no one else can.

~ Thabang Gideon Magaola

Despite wearing a Rolex, I have no time.

~ Faraaz Kazi

By wearing cosmetics a woman seeks to look younger or more beautiful than she otherwise would. Honesty doesn't require that she issue a continuous disclaimer: I see you are looking at my face. Please be aware that I don't look this good first thing in the morning.

~ Sam Harris

Said Buddha to the hot dog vendor, make me one with everything.

~ New York Magazine

Slaying dragons, melting witches, and banishing demons is all fun and games until someone loses a sidekick—then it’s personal. The bad guy isn’t just the “bad guy” anymore, he’s the BAD GUY!

~ Michael J. Sullivan

Your manifesting results comprise a chain with a zillion tiny links—moments, experiences, conversations, physical objects, and coinciding events—all leading up to what you'd consider the finished product or the goal achieved. Be open to recognizing and appreciating every link. Normally the mind glosses, or even steamrollers, over them, discounting them as stupid, unimportant, too-little-too-late, irrelevant or uninteresting.

~ Debbianne Derose