Humor Quotes

An uneventful, quiet life together is more my idea of a romance.”“Really? Oh. Well. It won't get you featured in any of the ballads though.”“Yes,” he said, with a heavy sigh. “And that will be the great tragedy of my romance.

~ Sonal Panse

Cross my heart, it's the truth. My Ma consulted a Seer when I was born. He's fated to marry a girl that wears that ring, she said.” “Did she now?” I said. “Well, this is in mad fashion in Mahmonir, so, prepare yourself, you're going to be overburdened with wives once the word gets around!

~ Sonal Panse

You cats mind if I make it a trio?' he asked me, and it was not a huge surprise that a dude of his appearance was speaking in Jazz Voice.

~ Jesse Andrews

Still, it’s really frustrating me that there doesn’t seem to be anything in my closet that’s appropriate to wear to an exorcism.

~ Paige Mckenzie

He wanted to break up with me in the cafeteria? Fat chance. I leaned toward him and touched his arm in a girlfriend sort of way. “If you planned to stage a public breakup with me, you can forget it.”Amusement showed in his hazel eyes. “Think you can stop me?

~ Chris Cannon

This is why I keep telling Ash to get you a cat or a bird. Guns aren't proper pets.

~ Andrea Cremer

I'm a fool.At least i'm a self aware fool.

~ Colleen Hoover

Dead yet? Gus answered.I smirked. Not yet, but the night's still young.Here's hoping.

~ Jessica Shirvington

A layer of fine powder coats his skin.“My lungs are turning to concrete,” Rob wheezes, hacking and spitting.“So are my eyes. How do I always get roped into these things?” Avery coughs and pats Rob’s back in sympathy. A poof of dust billows from the contact.

~ Laura Kreitzer

Dignity is overrated. You know what trumps dignity? Kissing.

~ Nina Lacour

He held out his hand to Sophie, just like Mrs. Pentstemmon, but a little less royally. Sophie levered herself up, wondering if she was meant to kiss this hand or not. But since she felt more like raising her stick and beating the King over the head with it, she shook the King's hand and gave a creaking little curtsy.

~ Diana Wynne Jones

Uh, got into a fight with the kitchen or something?” he asked, smirking. I ran my hands through my hair and felt remains of the fruit as I did and cringed. Well, this must be attractive. I motioned for him to come into the living room and shut the door behind him.“Something like that,” I replied coolly. He walked past me and went to the kitchen, probably to get a better look. “Well, I see you won. The fruit won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. Maybe the apples. Those look like they need some more killing.

~ Christie Cote

Every Forsaken in a mile radius can probably hear you. You’re just asking for trouble if you two don’t stop whipping out the measuring stick.”“It’s his fault,” Avery snaps, pointing at Julian.“Shut up, ya wanker.”They start in on each other again. They yell as if they both have megaphones to their mouths, standing inches apart. Each vulgar insult is more illogical than the last.

~ Laura Kreitzer

I’d rather be known as a freak than a science project.

~ B. Mauritz

Think of the cafeteria as a road map to where you belong.” Danielle pointed to the beautiful people in one corner. “Princesses and Princes over here. Then you have Heroes—leading ladies and gents that aren’t royalty—Sidekicks, Villains, Pirates, Faeries, Future Animal Friends, and the ones scattered are extras—not too important but important enough to be here. Like I said, everyone sticks to their own kind.”“Who are you?” “Cinderella of course,” Danielle giggled.

~ Angela Parkhurst

Don't you have a house to blow down?

~ Angela Parkhurst

If he didn’t want to talk about it, I wouldn’t mention anything. I wanted him to open it up for me, not me intruding and asking questions to him.

~ Kristine Cuevas

And just as I thought that my happy ending was beginning, it had to end so soon even though it hadn't started yet.

~ Kristine Cuevas

Say yes, Jordan,” he said, shifting closer.“No,” I said.Owen smiled. “Close enough.” And then he kissed me.

~ Eli Easton

When I was laying there in his arms nothing else mattered. My parents, my lack of funds, everything just seemed to melt away as I was lost in his lips- Bentley Evans

~ Magan Vernon

When life hands you lemons sometimes you just have to say screw the lemons, and bail.

~ Magan Vernon

Isn't that thing a little unsanitary for the workplace? I pointed to his lip ring.I assure you that my lip ring is the last thing you should be worried about. He smiled as he leaned on the counter.

~ Magan Vernon

You would do the same for me. He smiled a big toothy smile before he hopped off my car and walked away, leaving me wondering what was up with the guy in the girl jeans and why I couldn’t get him off of my mind.

~ Magan Vernon

It kills me. The way he trusted. LIke the way we trusted before they came and blue the whole goddamned world apart. Trusted that when it got dark there would be light. Trusted that when you wanted a fucking strawberry Frappuccino you could plop your ass in the car, drive down the streed, and get yourself a fucking strawberry Frappuccino!

~ Rick Yancey

If you jotted down all of my ill-thought out comments, you could write a book entitled, Guide to Getting Punched in the Throat for Boneheads-Mad Hatter in Death of the Mad Hatter (Coming Soon!)

~ Sarah J. Pepper

I’d been called a freak, and worse, all through school. Now that I’d finally graduated, I was sick of it. I’d hoped that no one would ever call me names again. Oh well, if wishes were flying monkeys, we’d all be wearing tiny hats.

~ E.j. Stevens

Because being assaulted with maxi pads is a great way to win friends and influence people.

~ Rainbow Rowell

Anyone that looked like that wouldn't need to tie up girls and imprison them in order to get them to marry him

~ Cassandra Clare

Yes, his ear. I was attracted to his ear. While I was in church. I'm pretty sure that solidifies my position as the weirdest person on the planet.

~ Amanda Hamm

I don’t have enough gross words in my gross vocabulary to describe how gross that gross thought is. Gross.

~ A.s. King

I feel like I might start crying and that I'm going to cry pee.

~ John Green

Coming into your powers can be a very confusing time. Perhaps there is a book on the subject. If you like, we can go see Marian.Yeah, right. Choices and Changes. A Modern Girl's Guide to Casting. My Mom Wants to Kill Me: A Self-Help Book For Teens.

~ Kami Garcia

Just be careful, hon,” Rosanna said.“Oh, are the plates hot?” I flinched back just before my hands made contact.Rosanna laughed. “No, but hot boys can burn you just as easily.

~ C.j. Duggan

The ability for anyone in our generation to self-amuse has sadly been bred out of our species.

~ Kim Askew

Ramon looked closely at the little guy as he ate. Maybe he's Jewish. I mean, if Sammy Davis Jr. could convert to Judaism, why not a chupacabra? We should name him Harry Mendelbaum.I held up my arms in protest. You're all racist. Now shut up. We'll call him Taco von Precious of Svenenstein. There, everybody h

~ Lish Mcbride

Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly. There is important work to be done.” He winked at Butler.“Are you sure you’re at the library? I thought I heard water.”Artemis smiled, enjoying the exchange. “Water? Surely not. The only thing flowing here is information.”“Are you grinning, Artemis? For some reason I get the feeling that you’re wearing that smug smile of yours.

~ Eoin Colfer

Leo,” Jason said, “you’re weird.”“Yeah, you tell me that a lot.” Leo grinned. “But if you don’t remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes...!

~ Rick Riordan

I’ll leave you guys to get acquainted. Somebody show Leo to dinner when it’s time?” “I got it,” one of the girls said. Nyssa, Leo remembered. She wore camo pants, a tank top that showed off her buff arms, and a red bandanna over her mop of dark hair. Except for the smiley-face Band-Aid on her chin, she looked like one of those female action heroes, like any second she was going to grab a machine gun and start mowing down evil aliens. “Cool,” Leo said. “I always wanted a sister who could beat me up.

~ Rick Riordan

...first thing is that I love you. And the second thing is that as much as I honor your former profession, I don’t think your geese care much for your betrothed and I hope they hadn’t any plans on sharing our bed.

~ Shannon Hale

I’m not going,” he said. He held up the Third key like a weapon. Sensing his mood, it grew longer and sharper, till he was holding a trident as long as he was tall... “And anyone who tries to make me is going to suffer.” “Twice,” added the voice under the table.

~ Garth Nix