Humorous Quotes Quotes

#NAME?

~ Angelo Tsanatelis

My sight, hearing and strength are superior and I can fly. What more do you want?

~ E.m. Cooper

You act like the sorcerers are invading the continent for the sole joy of hunting me down and lobbing me off of tall objects.

~ V. St. Clair

Down, boy! Couchant! I said couchant! No! Not rampant!

~ Terry Pratchett

I don't know what it is, but even when I pretty much like a man, after I date him a while, he gets to seem kind of tiresome. I just can't be bothered to act interested anymore, and then I finally tell him I don't want to go out anymore. They always get upset. - Lillian

~ Charlaine Harris

If You Lose Your Keys, At Least It's Better Than Losing Your Car.

~ Edward Harris

My best advice is never to address any woman as Madam unless she holds a high position in government or you happen to find yourself in a brothel speaking to its owner.

~ David B. Lentz

There are stranger things out there than flying pigs.

~ Jane Tara

I'll share my life with you. But, not my doughnuts.

~ Crystal Woods

You do remember how dangerous I am with those?” “Aye, that’s the point. Everyone will duck and cover if they see you wielding these.” “Even my teammates?”“Especially your teammates.

~ Melissa A. Craven

if any of your body parts become detached due to an unfortunate encounter with a crank, I highly advise you leave said body part behind and run like hell. Unless it's a leg, of course.

~ James Dashner

God has given you the same brain, so use your own in stead of borrowing ideas from somebody else. Think about and fathom the ideas before following them.

~ Raj Singh

Better days are coming! They're called Saturday and Sunday.

~ Karen Salmansohn

When it's all said and done remember, You are only as old as you look.

~ Mark W. Boyer

Water is the most essential element in life, because without it you can't make coffee.

~ Karen Salmansohn

And we’re at four. Alexis Ann, I think we’re in an abusive relationship.

~ Melissa A. Craven

I am currently preoccupied with chocolate.

~ Melissa A. Craven

We so need to work on your definition of relaxing.

~ Melissa A. Craven

Where's the guy who gave me Twinkies and Coke?

~ Melissa A. Craven

Get out of my brain!

~ Melissa A. Craven

Sent from my CrackBerry Intergalactic Kommunikator that doubles as an Illuvian Disruptor Death Ray.

~ Bob N. Boguslavski

If a demon and a vampire mated, their offspring would be unique but in harmony, like a Labrador retriever crossed with a poodle. Voila, labradoodle!But a vemon was a made creature, as if one took the front half of the Lab and jammed it onto the back half of the poodle. In other words, wrong

~ Kresley Cole

Love a girl trulyExpectation: MarriageReality : Friendzoned

~ Subhasis Das

If a demon and a vampire mated, their offspring would be unique but in harmony, like a Labrador retriever crossed with a poodle. Voila, labradoodle!But a vemon was a made creature, as if one took the front half of the Lab and jammed it onto the back half of thr poodle. In other words, wrong.

~ Kresley Cole

The demon was turning out to be an unpredictable, feral, bone-and-head-collecting, sexually ravenous happiness battery. She swallowed. All I have to do is plug him in.

~ Kresley Cole

I engage in subtle stalking. That's entirely different and perfectly socially acceptable.

~ Siobhan Davis

Many of my ex-girlfriends were habitual half-asian daters. These women considered half-asian men 'exotic,' 'sexy,' and 'just-like-Keanu Reeves-in-the-Matrix. I consider these stereotypes appropriate because I got laid.

~ Kip Fulbeck

If you're committed, that just means you're in agreement your undertaking could be your ticket to the asylum.

~ Todd Day

Chekhov. Well he was a bit of a lad. He had at least two dozen relationships, possibly three; some of them long term; most of the woman wanted to marry him and throughout that time he was still a constant frequenter of brothels. ‘‘Mercy. It’s a wonder he got time to write at all.

~ Ray Harris

Everyone lies. Or they have amnesia.

~ Natalie Shell

Listen carefully, I’m going to say three words.”“I love you?

~ Lisa Scottoline

Men did stupid things when they got romantic ideas in their heads.

~ Ronie Kendig

Nathan said nothing for a moment. Then, There’s nothing in my fur, is there?Simon gave the other Wolf a careful look. “No boogers.” 　　Good. I hate washing boogers out of fur.“Who doesn’t? What comes out of human noses is disgusting...

~ Anne Bishop

Piter: Ah-ah, Baron! Is it not regrettable you were unable to devise this delicious scheme by yourself?Baron: Someday I will have you strangled, Piter.Piter: Of a certainty, Baron. Enfin! But a kind act is never lost, eh?Baron: Have you been chewing verite or semuta, Piter?

~ Frank Herbert

Don’t think you’re some kind of snowflake, suit guy. I’m a bitch to everyone.

~ Magan Vernon

Wisdom of the Ages: Women Any culture that has supported the education, rights and sanctity of women has dominated those cultures who have not. As Lycurgus the Spartan lawgiver once said, Strong women make strong men.

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages US News Media If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: President's Day One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages Unsuccessful Town Slogans Sequim (WA)- We put the Dung in Dungeness.

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: Government Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.

~ Matthew Heines