Funny Quotes

Are you okay? I (Cassie) call up to him.Um. Define okay. (Ben)Okay means you're not bleeding to death.I'm okay.

~ Rick Yancey

How art thou out of breath when thou hast breathTo say to me that thou art out of breath?

~ William Shakespeare

He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.''What you got on it?' the girl said.'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.''Haw, haw,' the girl said politely.

~ Flannery O'connor

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.

~ Mark Twain

Ren took off his jacket, which slicited a squeak from Jennifer who was now totally focused on Ren's golden-bronze biceps. His perfectly fitted muscle shirt showed off his extremely well-developed arms and chest. I hissed at him quietly, For heaven's sake, Ren! You're going to give the women heart palpitations!

~ Colleen Houck

I tell you, I'm half tempted to break into CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon out of CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon.

~ Ally Carter

That’s us,” he said. “Those five nuts right there.”Which one is me?” I asked.The little deformed one,” Zoe suggested.Oh, shut up.

~ Rick Riordan

I have no doubt that you are more than capable of bringing the Monsean queen and my son and the rest of my sons and a hundred Nanderan kittens through an onslaught of howling raiders if you chose to.

~ Kristin Cashore

Zoey~ 'Listen to me, whinning about money and a scarf. Ah, hell! I'm starting to sound like Aphrodite.'Stark~ 'If you turn into Aprodite I'm going to stab myself.'Zoey~ 'If I turn into Aprodite, stab me first.'Stark~ 'Deal.'Zoey~ 'Deal.

~ P.c. Cast

She should have remembered her past experiences in the relationship wars and not let herself get so excited. Evidently her hormones had overruled her common sense and she had become drunk on ovarian wine, the most potent, sanity- destroying substance in the universe.

~ Linda Howard

She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her, just to see her stumble.

~ Cassandra Rose Clarke

If you're ever feeling a lack of middle-aged white men, just pop into the Capitol. Not so much the House of Representatives, which has a bit more color and texture, but the Senate -- jeez. Yes, let's have more testosterone running the country.Maximum Ride, School's Out--Forever

~ James Patterson

Huh, another queen,” Puck mused, an evil grin crossing his face. “Maybe we should drop in and introduce ourselves, ice-boy. Do the whole, hey, we were just in the neighborhood, and we were just wondering if you had any plans to take over the Nevernever. Have a fruit basket.

~ Julie Kagawa

Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless

~ Kiersten White

I hate witches. Humans had the right idea, burning them at the stake.

~ Charlaine Harris

So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time.

~ Richelle Mead

It really seems to me that in the midst of great tragedy, there is always the horrible possibility that something terribly funny will happen.

~ Philip K. Dick

As I climbed up into the high old bed, the large fly in my personal ointment did the same. Had I actually told him he could get in bed with me? Well, I decided, as I wriggled down under the soft old sheets and the blanket and the comforter, if Eric had designs on me, I was just too tired to care.Woman?Hmmm?What's your name?Sookie. Sookie Stackhouse.Thank you, Sookie.Welcome, Eric.

~ Charlaine Harris

You just punched a prince, Alina. I guess we can add one more act of treason to our list.”I shook out my sore hand. My knuckles smarted. “First of all, are we so sure he really is a prince? And second, you’re just jealo

~ Leigh Bardugo

Hey, princess of Popsicles! Queen of curlicue cones.

~ Wendy Higgins

It's sometimes funny to watch some people doing something the wrong way but doing it confidently. Even more funny, they succeeded.

~ Toba Beta

Vic knelt by Lucas's side. 'You look like crap, by the way.''Thanks for breaking it to me gently.' Lucas took a deep breath, then groaned.

~ Claudia Gray

I lost a horse today.''That sounds careless. What happened?''She jumped off a cliff.''A cliff! Is that normal?

~ Maggie Stiefvater

Are you suggesting I’m working with thezombies? That I paid them to pretend toattack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather hisbest undead buddies and stalk me throughmy friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it wastotally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season.

~ Gena Showalter

Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?”His eyes flashed. “Got any to spare?” I could’ve picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right.

~ Ilona Andrews

Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me.

~ Kresley Cole

Be a Samurai.Because you just never know what's behind the freaking sky.

~ Laini Taylor

There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality.

~ Anton Chekhov

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.

~ Gena Showalter

Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman? he smirked. Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks?

~ Julie Kagawa

I may not have been completely honest about that.You? Less than truthful? I'm shocked, Nikolai. Shocked and horrified.

~ Leigh Bardugo

Her voice was now so shrill only bats would be able to hear it soon, but she had reached a level of indignation that rendered her temporarily speechless..

~ J.k. Rowling

In the war room, love? What if someone comes in?”I stood and removed his shirt. “Then they’ll have a good story to tell.”“Good?” He adopted the pretense of being offended.“Prove me wrong.

~ Maria V. Snyder

I've never felt so bereft and panicky. What do I do without my phone? How do I function? My hand keeps automatically reaching for my phone in its usual place in my pocket. Every instinct in me wants to text someone, 'OMG, I've lost my phone! ' but how can do that without a bloody phone?

~ Sophie Kinsella

Does it hurt?”He bent his head and lightly kissed her forehead. “Only when I laugh.”“I’ll try not to be funny.”“Epic fail, beautiful.

~ Rachel Caine

If god meant for people to talk into cellphones, he would've put our mouths on the side of our heads.

~ Devon Sampson

Leap out the window, my inner Tigress cried. You aren't ready to face such a powerful Tiger. I frowned. I thought a true Tigress never backed down from a fight. Don't you know anything? When she's in heat, she avoids everything male. Now run!

~ Gena Showalter

Dearest Annie, Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m using my hand But I’m thinking of you. - Ronan P.S. Just to clarify, I’m using my hand to write this note…get your mind out of the gutter.

~ L.h. Cosway

A man touched me: his hand... my thigh.I touched him too: my fist... his jaw.

~ Joseph Gordon-Levitt

So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney.Oh, really?O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?Very good. You should be on the stage.It's funny you should mention that.The passport officer groaned. Ten more minutes and his shift would have been over. I was being sarcastic, actually

~ Eoin Colfer