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Funny quote from classy quote

Percy!’ Annabeth scolded. ‘You just opened another Monster Doughnut shop somewhere!

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Doughnuts Funny Humor Percy Jackson

Like your zodiac sign? Percy asked. 'I'm a Leo.'No, stupid,' Leo said. I'm a Leo. You're a Percy.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Funny Heroes Of Olympus Leo Valdez Percy Jackson Rick Riordan The Blood Of Olympus

Like your zodiac sign?' Percy asked. 'I'm a Leo.''No, stupid,' Leo said. 'I'm a Leo. You're a Percy.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Funny Heroes Of Olympus Leo Valdez Percy Jackson The Blood Of Olympus

Yeah, you bet Romani.' Percy bared his forearm and showed them the brand he'd got at Camp Jupiter- the SPQR mark, with the trident of Neptune. 'You mix Greek and Roman, and you know what you get? You get BAM!' He stomped his foot, and the empousai scrambled back. One fell off the boulder where she'd been perched.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Funny Percy Jackson Tartarus

So, you invite a wild rabbit living in Italy to a party on the island of Crete. What’s it supposed to do, swim there? Its little tux would get wet.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Funny Percy Jackson

Artemis grit her teeth. I need a favor. I have some hunting to do, alone. I need you to take my companions to Camp Half-Blood. Sure Sis! then he raised his hands in a stop everything gesture. I feel a haiku comIng on. The Hunters all groaned. Apparently they'd met Apollo before. He cleared his throat and held up one hand dramatically. Green grass breaks through snow.Artemis pleads for my help. I am so awesome.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Apollo Artemis Funny Humor Percy Jackson

Then Leo realized something was blocking the middle of his view. Something large and fuzzy, and so close, Leo had to cross his eyes to see it properly. It was a large, ugly face. Holy mother! he yelped. The face backed away and came into focus. Staring down at him was a beard man in grimy blue coveralls. His face was lumpy and covered with welts, as if he'd been stung by a million bees, or dragged across gravel. Possibly both. Humph. the man said. Holy father, boy. I should think ou know the difference by now.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Funny Percy Jackson

Oh, my dear! I’m afraid you’ve mistakenme for someone else! My name is Rhea Silvia. I was the mother to Romulus and Remus, thousands of years ago. But you’re so kind to think I look as young as the 1950s.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Annabeth Chase Audrey Hepburn Funny Lol Percy Jackson Rhea Silvia

Before my mom decided she was a lesbian, I thought lesbians were all these really nice, earthy, crunchy, let's smother you with our twenty extra pounds of lady love and fight the power people.

~ Alison Umminger

Alison Umminger Contemporary Funny Humor

Eat your heart out. Oh, wait. You can’t. It’s not organic.

~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Susan Elizabeth Phillips Contemporary Funny Romance Sep

Zane raised his brow. “Didn’t I say that yesterday?” he asked, forcinghimself to be patient. Somehow.“You say that like you think I listen to you,” Ty responded instantly, asmile pulling at his lips.

~ Abigail Roux

Abigail Roux Funny Humor Humour Listening Ty Zane

Whatever you may say, genuine emotions are aroused by people. The first smile of a newborn, love confession, hang-loose chatting with friends, weekly meetings with dears, and a lot more other things initiated by two or several individuals trigger the feeling of happiness. There are more specific emotions native to females and males. Whereas the first ones are pleased at hearing sweet words. We live and work in the tradition of love and not hatred. As for us, it is the unconditional acceptance of all people, the scale of our love for them. Let's treat every person as a person in his uniqueness at eye level.Love is one of the strongest feelings one can ever have. It comes over you all of a sudden and totally absorbs before you manage to realize the fact. Emotions which arise with the feeling require some way of expression. Furtive glances, sweet words, touching, and romantic dates are a usual manifestation of affection. Still, there is a more inventive way to expose oneself – dedicating a special beautiful love quote to your beloved.

~ Auliq Ice

Auliq Ice Alikkais Auliq Ice Falling In Love Friendship Funny Love Poetry Relationship Quotes

Yes, life is full of awkward moments! For example, that time you keep dazing off while staring at the same person you found yourself staring at five minutes ago. *gulp* So glad staring is still not illegal. Or, at least I'm glad for my own benefit.

~ Mary Kate

Mary Kate Awkward Dazing Funny Glad Humor Illegal Keep Laugh Life Moment Staring Time Unnoticed

These eggs are broken. Cracked.Yes, ma'am. That happens sometimes.Does it?Yes, it's the unfortunate part of being an egg.

~ Peter Hedges

Peter Hedges Broken Eggs Funny

Mom let go of us and leaned back so she could look us both in the eye. “No more spending the night in the tree fort, you two.

~ Danielle Lee Zwissler

Danielle Lee Zwissler Coming Of Age Coming Of Age Stories Falling For You Funny Love Romance Teen

The next thing Jordana says makes me realize that it's too late to save her. I've noticed that when you light a match, the flame is the same shape as a falling tear. She's been sensitized, turned gooey in the middle. I saw it happening and I didn't do anything to stop it. From now on, she'll be writing diaries and sometimes including little poems and she'll buy gifts for her favourite teachers and she'll admire the scenery and she'll watch the news and she'll buy soup for homeless people and she'll never burn my leg hair again.

~ Joe Dunthorne

Joe Dunthorne Coming Of Age Funny Humor Love Melancholic Teen

If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn't been homeless for that long. A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny.

~ Chris Rock

Chris Rock Funny Funny Sign Homeless Homeless Person Hungry Long Person Real Sign Too Hungry

Freud is all nonsense, the secret of neurosis is to be found in the family battle of wills to see who can refuse the longest to help with the dishes.

~ Julian Mitchell

Julian Mitchell Dishes Freud Funny Neurosis Secret Witty

The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor with adult content.

~ Abdul Ali Ii

Abdul Ali Ii Funny Happiness Humor Secret

Tropical trees had been planted throughout the room, along with bright flowering plants that were busy committing the olfactory floral equivalent of aggravated assault.

~ Jim Butcher

Jim Butcher Assault Flowers Funny Smell

Instead of putting flowers in books to flatten them you can use a brick.

~ Nicole Mckay

Nicole Mckay Books Brick And Blanket Iq Test Brick And Blanket Responses Brick And Blanket Test Brick And Blanket Uses Flowers Funny Humor Random

Whoever said that a drunk mind speaks sober thoughts...was clearly still drunk off their ass. -Jackson 'Blame It on the Pain

~ Ashley Jade

Ashley Jade Alcohol Drunk Drunkenness Funny Funny Guys

Being me is a job — is labour so time-consuming and expensive that I have to have a second job just to support it. So that I can drink, I have to get drink and that isn’t something people give away and then there’s drink that I need because I have drunk and the other drink I have to keep around because, sooner or later, I will drink it. That’s a full-time occupation: that’s like being a miner, or a nurse.

~ A.l. Kennedy

A.l. Kennedy Alcohol Funny Morbid

Now, my intention was to drink just enough to dull the senses, but intentions should never be mixed with alcohol.

~ Kirt J. Boyd

Kirt J. Boyd Alcohol Funny Humor

He was so drunk that he would have stubbornly denied that he was.

~ Filippo Bologna

Filippo Bologna Alcohol Drunk Funny Humor

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.

~ Amy Sommers

Amy Sommers Brick And Blanket Iq Test Brick And Blanket Responses Brick And Blanket Test Brick And Blanket Uses Funny Humor Mathematics Probabilities Random

For a being more advanced than I am, he sure has a hard time answering a simple question

~ Rick Yancey

Rick Yancey Aliens Being Funny Smart The5Thwave

I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.



~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Dark Jar Tin Zoo Answer Deceit Deceived Deception Delirious Funny Humor Love Numbers Question Rate Rating Scale

We bask in the scent of cinnamon beforeMom puts a scone her plate.'His name is Rich,' she says.I select a scone too.'I like a man with an adjective for a name.

~ Kelly Bingham

Kelly Bingham Funny Jane Rich

I squared my shoulders, trying to ignore the fact that I was standing in the apartment of the sea witch, wearing a fairy-tale prom gown, waiting for the attack of the mermaids.

~ Seanan Mcguire

Seanan Mcguire Fairy Tales Funny Surreal

Man, Grandma, what big hair you have.The better to style with, my dear.

~ Neal Shusterman

Neal Shusterman Fairy Tale Fairy Tales Funny Hair Red Riding Hood

Oh the wonders of being married. Put a gun in one hand and a woman in the other, I'm never sure who's going to kill me first.

~ Michael W. Grimard

Michael W. Grimard Funny Humor Love Lyrics

The Law of Moronic Ubiquity: Anything in the universe that is generally considered to be idiot-proof will eventually be ruined by an idiot.

~ Ian Strang

Ian Strang Absurd Absurdity Books Funny Humor Sci Fi

She’s a lunatic,” says Conrad.“Absolutely insane,” says Guntram.“Either completely fearless or utterly stupid,” says Conrad.“She’s going to fit right in,” says Guntram.

~ Emily Lloyd-Jones

Emily Lloyd-Jones Criminals Funny Sci Fi Ya Lit

The cybernetic operation?No, the sex change.The doctor's smile faltered.I'm joking.

~ Marissa Meyer

Marissa Meyer Cinder Funny Humor Sci Fi Sex Change The Lunar Chronicles

But you would think, wouldn't you, that getting hit forty-five times in the neck with a blunt axe would qualify you to join the Headless Hunt? - Sir Nicholas de Mimsy

~ J.k. Rowling

J.k. Rowling Funny Harry Potter Nearly Headless Nick

You don't seem to need many qualifications to liaise with Muggles; all they want is an OWL in Muggle Studies. ''Much more important is your enthusiasm, patience and a good sense of fun.'' - ''You'd need more than a good sense of fun to liaise with my uncle'', said Harry darkly .''Good sense of when to duck more like.

~ J.k. Rowling

J.k. Rowling Funny Harry Potter Order Of The Phoenix

Grabbing a scarf off the chair, I threw it at him. He caught it, clutching it to his chest as he flew into the air. You gave Tink a scarf. Tink is free! He flew out into the hallway like a little cracked-out fairy, screeching, Tink is freeeeee!Ren looked at me. What the actual f**k?I sighed. He's obsessed with Harry Potter. I'm sorry.Tink darted back into the room, holding the scarf to his bare chest. There is no reason to apologize when it comes to Harry Potter.You do remember what happened to Dobby, right? I said.S**t. Tink's eyes widened and he dropped the scarf.

~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Jennifer L. Armentrout Funny Harry Potter Humor Ren Tink Wicked

WAIT, WAIT! JUST one more!”“Bliss, there are children waiting.”And they probably hated us, but I was just so glad to see her smiling that I didn’t care.“Yeah, well, they all just jumped on the bandwagon. Most of them weren’t alive when I read Harry Potter for the first time.”I turned to the Canadian family behind me and said, “I’m so sorry. This is the last one, I promise.” Then I took one more picture of Bliss pretending to push the luggage cart through the wall at the Platform 9¾ monument at King’s Cross Station.A little boy stuck his tongue out at Bliss as we left. I pulled her away before she could follow suit.“That kid better watch it. I’m totally a Slytherin.”I shook my head, smiling.“Love, I’m going to need you to pull back on the crazy a bit.”“You’re right. Realistically, I’m a Ravenclaw.

~ Cora Carmack

Cora Carmack Funny Harry Potter

Wow, we're identical!

~ J.k. Rowling

J.k. Rowling Deathlyhallows Fred Fredandgeorge Funny George Harry Potter Twins Weasley Twins Weasleys
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