Humor Quotes

At best, us ladies are just a bunch of Mirandas with a slightly better wardrobe and at worst, we're a bunch of Magdas, aka Miranda's housekeeper, which means we're a bunch of nosy bitches who rifle through people's belongings and let them know they masterbate too much.

~ Phoebe Robinson

Dr. Edward Clarke, a Harvard professor, said it was possible for a girl to study hard and do well in everything, but it would damage her health for the rest of her life, and her children would be shriveled.

~ Jacky Fleming

Everyone is allowed a weakness, even women of the twentieth century.

~ Laurie R. King

Becoming a woman felt a bit like becoming famous. For, from being benevolently generally ignored – the base-line existence of most children – a teenage girl is suddenly fascinating to others, and gets bombarded with questions: What size are you? Have you done it yet? Will you have sex with me? Have you got ID? Do you want to try a puff of this? Are you seeing anyone? Have you got protection? What’s your signature style? Can you walk in heels? Who are your heroes? Are you getting a Brazilian? What porn do you like? Do you want to get married? When are you going to have kids? Are you a feminist? Were you just flirting with that man? What do you want to do? WHO ARE YOU?All ridiculous questions to ask of a 13-year-old simply because she now needs a bra. They might as well have been asking my dog. I had absolutely no idea.

~ Caitlin Moran

I would describe her more as a knitter than a doer.

~ William Goldman

I was amazed at how strong women were when they were angry.

~ Robin Hobb

Who? Mr. Dalton has his hand firmly on Grace's elbow, as though she can't manoeuvre herself through the blockade of tables and chairs.She could fly right through you, thinks Jack.

~ Helen Humphreys

If you want to impress a lady, respect her, because respect is an impressive act itself

~ Nitin Yaduvanshi

Most sexually adventurous women want a man who regards cunnilingus as a basic woman right.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

She had one of those husky voices that sounded as if she were permanently coming down with a cold. Men seemed to find that sexy in a woman, which Jackson thought was odd because it made women sound less like women and more like men. Maybe it was a gay thing.

~ Kate Atkinson

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.

~ Robert C. Gallagher

The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.

~ Christopher Moore

Hap sighed. If he could change one thing about Umber-besides his constant need for the thrill of exploration-it would be his obsession with secrets and surprises.

~ P.w. Catanese

There is this common notion that young conservatives are the few, that most people had liberal worldviews when they were young. If this is true, then it is with great irony that a number of old liberals must never had progressed into conservatives as they grew older.

~ Criss Jami

Wow Kelsey! Kishan whistled. I'm going to have to beat the other guys of with a stick!

~ Colleen Houck

She is a peacock in everything but beauty!

~ Oscar Wilde

Finally someone takes me seriously enough to ask for my word of honor, and it’s a villain.

~ Sherwood Smith

Her sculptured face was as perfect as a painting.

~ Christopher Paolini

I snorted oh, beauty. What's that good for?Mary stared, her eyes round.It won you the prince, did it not?I snorted again, I prefer to think that he was captivated by my charming personality. I giggled to let Mary know I was trying to make fun of myself.

~ Margaret Peterson Haddix

She trailed after him, admiring the line of his back. He began climbing the stairs, and she sighed with pleasure. Every bit of him was gorgeous. “Do you mind if I objectify you?”“Please do,” he said over his shoulder. “Particularly my knees, as they are oft-neglected.”“Maybe if you ever got your pants off, they wouldn’t be.”“It hardly matters, sweet; once they’ve come off, the attention isn’t likely to center on my absurdly handsome knees.

~ Meljean Brook

Long hair will make thee look dreafully to thine enemies, and manly to thyfriends: it is, in peace, an ornament; in war, a strong helmet; it...deadens the leaden thump of a bullet: in winter, it is a warm nightcap; in summer,a cooling fan of feathers.

~ Thomas Dekker

BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

~ Ambrose Bierce

Even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern, no less then Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to. If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable.

~ Oscar Wilde

How I should despise such a thing if I were a man. What a nose she has! what a chin! what a neck! Then her eyes--and the worst kissing lips in the universe.

~ John Vanbrugh

Mia: I was sixteen when I first realized my mom was more concerned about my appearance than I was… I’ll be talking to my mom and realize she hasn’t heard a word because she’s studying my face to see if the foundation I’m using is a good match for my skin tone.

~ Mia Fontaine

I have a thing for evil bald bad guys. The Kurgan is too sexy.

~ Ernest Cline

Brother, when beauty falls into your hand, you hold on to it while you can. You could be dead tomorrow.Well, that’s... inspiring.

~ Nora Roberts

Beauty may catch the eye, but a jolly laugh will lasso the heart.

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

I realized with horror that I'd left my thesaurus in English class, and so wouldn't be able to describe their beauty in suitably poetic terms, but let me tell you, they were smokin' hot and no bullshit.

~ Stephfordy Mayo

The greatest ugliness in the world is seeing so beautiful a creature spoil themselves on stupidity.

~ Michelle Franklin

If you can't handle me with a messy bun, then you don't deserve me with a fabulous blowout.

~ J.k. Wood

Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to life, that’s beautiful.

~ Rashida Jones

Even the ugliest person's cellulite is more attractive than the most beautiful supermodel's lower intestine.' I'd put that on a T-shirt but probably Mark Twain already said it.

~ Jenny Lawson

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

~ Augustine Of Hippo

We have our own language. Christianese... We don't say 'He's out of his mind,' no, we say 'That's our youth pastor.

~ Tim Hawkins

I've heard of such a legend!' I gasped. 'A child descended from a union between Christ and Mary Magda

~ Mark Gatiss

Besides, we were fifteen, and we couldn't get our feelings to match up with our brains. So we went with our feelings.

~ Karen Swallow Prior

There are as many kinds of anger as there are of the sunsets with which they ought to end

~ George Macdonald

Success starts with a Vision

~ Deborah Elum

Growing up I sometimes imagined that for Christ's return perhaps He would appear as 'Black Jesus' to white people and 'White Jesus' to black people just to screw with the racists.

~ Criss Jami