Humor Quotes

After that I went home and Sally put what was left of me to bed; next day, being a Christian family, we saluted the happy morn with the Hell and Hades of a row because I wouldn't get up and go to early service, my sister being quite determined that even if I didn't get up. I shouldn't sleep.

~ Dion Fortune

No matter how much we try to keep things in order, life seems determined to scatter Legos under our bare feet.

~ Sammy Rhodes

Religion is a totalitarian belief. It is the wish to be a slave. It is the desire that there be an unalterable, unchallengeable, tyrannical authority who can convict you of thought crime while you are asleep, who can subject you to total surveillance around the clock every waking and sleeping minute of your life, before you're born and, even worse and where the real fun begins, after you're dead. A celestial North Korea. Who wants this to be true? Who but a slave desires such a ghastly fate? I've been to North Korea. It has a dead man as its president, Kim Jong-Il is only head of the party and head of the army. He's not head of the state. That office belongs to his deceased father, Kim Il-Sung. It's a necrocracy, a thanatocracy. It's one short of a trinity I might add. The son is the reincarnation of the father. It is the most revolting and utter and absolute and heartless tyranny the human species has ever evolved. But at least you can fucking die and leave North Korea!

~ Christopher Hitchens

To be really mediæval one should have no body. To be really modern one should have no soul. To be really Greek one should have no clothes.

~ Oscar Wilde

Suiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?''Oh, rather!''What do you do about it?''I generally take a couple of cocktails.

~ P.g. Wodehouse

And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.

~ Anonymous

[Nicodemus] 'Magistra DeVega, can I ask for your help?'[DeVega] 'You can ask,' she said with her usual calmness, 'but the clerics haven't developed a cure for death by idiotic leadership.

~ Blake Charlton

Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior.- Hun, A. T.

~ Robert Lynn Asprin

To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader.- Capt. Bligh(ret.)

~ Robert Lynn Asprin

A code is like love, it has created with clear intentions at the beginning, but it can get complicated.

~ Gerry Geek

A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.

~ David Sedaris

Forget art. Put your trust in ice cream.

~ Charles Baxter

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

~ John Ciardi

Well, life isn't a cakewalk, is it?! Eighty-nine percent of the world's most valuable art was created by men living in rat-infested flats. You think Velásquez wore Adidas? You think he enjoyed the luxuries of central heating and twenty-four-hour pizza delivery?!

~ Marisha Pessl

Art is anything you can get away with.

~ Marshall Mcluhan

Man, didn't anybody ever tell you that art is propaganda? It doesn't matter whether you think it should be or it shouldn't be, it just is, and motherfucker, like or not, you're sitting on a funky Magna Carta.

~ Paul Beatty

Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.

~ Eugene Mirman

The popular distinction between 'constructive' and 'destructive' criticism is a sentimentality: the mind too weak to perceive in what respects the bad fails is not strong enough to appreciate in what the good succeeds. To be without discrimination is to be unable to praise. The critic who lets you know that he always looks for something to like in works he discusses is not telling you anything about the works or about art, he is saying 'see what a nice person I am.

~ Brigid Brophy

Erik Satie died on July 1, 1925; his last words were 'Ah, the cows...

~ John Richardson

My liege, and madam, to expostulateWhat majesty should be, what duty is, Why day is day, night night, and time is time,Were nothing but to waste night, day and time.Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit,And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,I will be brief.

~ William Shakespeare

The following Discourse [on art, by Sir Joshua Reynolds] is particularly Interesting to Blockheads as it endeavours to prove that There is No such thing as Inspiration & that any Man of a plain Understanding may by Thieving from Others become a Mich Angelo.

~ William Blake

A gypsy girl approached Don Zana and Alfanhui and held out her tambourine. Don Zana said to her, 'You don't pay for art, kid.

~ Rafael Sánchez Ferlosio

What's that?' Thaniel said, curious. The postmarks and stamps weren't English or Japanese.'A painting. There's a depressed Dutchman who does countryside scenes and flowers and things. It's ugly, but I have to maintain the estates in Japan and modern art is a good investment.

~ Natasha Pulley

I have made up my mind that I will never marry. I shall be wedded to my art.

~ L.m. Montgomery

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

There's a fine line between minimalism and not trying very hard.

~ Tom Pappalardo

To call an artist morbid because he deals with morbidity as his subject-matter is as silly as if one called Shakespeare mad because he wrote ‘King Lear.

~ Oscar Wilde

The arts that have escaped [uniformity] best are the arts in which the public take no interest. Poetry is an instance of what I mean. We have been able to have fine poetry in England because the public do not read it, and consequently do not influence it.

~ Oscar Wilde

I bring the girl to a museum, try to show her a little culture, and she turns a Chihuly into a giant phallus.

~ Nicki Elson

I'm a Baroque person. More than Baroque, I'm a Rococo person. I don't draw straight lines.

~ Nuno Roque

Realism is criminal.

~ Nuno Roque

Your art…” I gaped at the field of white. “There was a lovely portrait of me—right there.”I get offended whenever art is damaged, especially if that art features me.

~ Rick Riordan

How important are the visual arts in our society? I feel strongly that the visual arts are of vast and incalculable importance. Of course I could be prejudiced. I am a visual art.

~ Kermit The Frog

How can you read and talk at the same time?” I asked.“Well, I usually can’t, but neither the book nor the conversation is particularly intellectually challenging.

~ John Green

The dull people decided years and years ago, as everyone knows, that novel-writing was the lowest species of literary exertion, and that novel reading was a dangerous luxury and an utter waste of time.

~ Wilkie Collins

Reading every day keeps the brain dead sickness away.

~ Kristy Pellegrin

they should let some people into the library by prescription only

~ Chuck Palahniuk

People don't read anymore. And, when they do, they don't read books like this one, but instead read books that depress them, because those books are seen as important. Somehow, the Librarians have successfully managed to convince most people in the Hushlands that they shouldn't read anything that isn't boring.It comes down to Biblioden the Scrivener's great vision for the world — a vision in which people never do anything abnormal, never dream, and never experience anything strange. His minions teach people to stop reading fun books, and instead focus on fantasy novels. That's what I call them, because these books keep people trapped. Keep them inside the nice little fantasy that they consider to be the 'real' world. A fantasy that tells them they don't need to try something new.After all, trying new things can be difficult.

~ Brandon Sanderson

I believe that if a seven-year old kid has heard of Naked Lunch and is daring enough to want to read it, he’s old enough to read it.

~ John Waters

I’ve lowered my character with a great deal of unwholesome reading material.

~ Lisa Kleypas