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Humor Quotes

Humor quote from classy quote

When I was a boy, I would read those postcards and know exactly why my father was doing what he was doing: he was taking a stab at greatness, that is, if greatness is simply another word for doing something different from what you were already doing--or maybe greatness is the thing we want to have so that other people will want to have us, or maybe greatness is merely the grail for our unhappy, striving selves, the thing we think we need but don't and can't get anyway.

~ Brock Clarke

Brock Clarke Humor Philosophy

Staring is half the victory in love.

~ R.k. Narayan

R.k. Narayan Humor Love Philosophy

What I know definitively about life at this age … is absolutely nothing.

~ James Qualls

James Qualls Humor Intelligence Life Philosophy Wisdom

All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.

~ David Sedaris

David Sedaris Humor Truth

Thanks to my mother, I was raised to have a morbid imagination. When I was a child, she often talked about death as warning, as an unavoidable matter of fact. Little Debbie's mom down the block might say, 'Honey, look both ways before crossing the street.' My mother's version: 'You don't look, you get smash flat like sand dab.' (Sand dabs were the cheap fish we bought live in the market, distinguished in my mind by their two eyes affixed on one side of their woebegone cartoon faces.)The warnings grew worse, depending on the danger at hand. Sex education, for example, consisted of the following advice: 'Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill youself.

~ Amy Tan

Amy Tan Humor Truth

An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.

~ Jef Mallett

Jef Mallett Humor Inspirational Intelligence Truth

I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

~ Jasper Fforde

Jasper Fforde Humor Truth

Love does not cost anything. Kind words and deeds do not cost anything. The real beauty of the world is equal for everyone to see. It was given by God equally to all, without restrictions. Everyone, was given a beautiful vehicle in which to express love to others. Feelings are free to express and give to ourselves and each other through our willingness to give and care. What is complicated about this... Why have we made others feel they have to climb mountains and swim oceans in order to make a difference. All we need to understand my friends, is that human life was given equally to us all, not partially but in totality. The sun was given to all. It does not shine on the few. So, just has nature is indifferent to our station or situation, we need to know that we are all equal. We need to focus on the things that are constant and not place our values on things that can be blown away with the next, great, wind.Value life in what ever house it dwells. For when it comes time that we are all stripped to bare bones before the divine and facing eternity, we will understand that the only law we were meant to follow, was to love ourselves and each other. Nothing more...nothing less.

~ Carla Jo Masterson

Carla Jo Masterson Caring Family God Harmonysoup Com Humor Inspirational Integrity Love Patience Truth Unity

I really am happy for Kiley. And for you and every other happily married lady. Except for that I'm not happy for you. I kind of want you all to drop dead.

~ Rainbow Rowell

Rainbow Rowell Humor Jealousy Marriage Truth

Emotional states are fairly quick bursts of neuronal gossip. Traits, on the other hand, are more like the neuronal equivalent of committed relationships.

~ Yongey Mingyur

Yongey Mingyur Buddhism Humor Science Truth

Anya looked upon Nin admirably. Having him as a partner-in-crime—if only on this one occasion, which she hoped would only be the start of something more—was more revitalizing than the cheap thrills of a cookie-cutter shallow, superficial romance, where the top priority was how beautiful a person was on the outside.

~ Jess C. Scott

Jess C. Scott Beauty Elven Elven Charm Friendship Human Behavior Human Nature Humanity Humankind Humor Insight Insightful Life Life And Death Love Meaning Modern Society Modernism Modernity Postmodern Reflection Reflections Reflective Relationships Rogue Romance Self Self Confidence Self Discovery Self Love Sense Sensibility Series Social Change Society Superficial Superficiality Thief Thief At Night Thief Of Love Thievery Thieves Truth Urban Fantasy Urban Fantasy Series Women Ya Urban Fantasy Young Adult Young Adult Fiction Young Adult Literature Young Adult Novels Young Adult Series

Integrity is a bugger, it really is. Lying can get you into difficulties, but to really wind up in the crappers try telling nothing but the truth.

~ David Mitchell

David Mitchell Humor Lying Truth

I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?

~ Jess C. Scott

Jess C. Scott Body Books Cool Culture Desire Emotion Friendship Funny Girl Honesty Humor Humour Imagination Individuality Life Love Music Novel Passion Reality Relationships Romance Self Sex Technology Truth Wisdom Young Youth

A women can run, hide, play and have fun but she will shine far better when she just smiles without none.

~ Santosh Kalwar

Santosh Kalwar Humor Inspirational Love Truth

Leigh did what any sane female faced with such an e-mail would do: deleted it to resist the temptation of replying, cleared her trash to resist the temptation of recalling it, and then called tech support to restore all her recently deleted e-mails. (Chasing Harry Winston)

~ Lauren Weisberger

Lauren Weisberger Humor Truth

Could it have been anyone, or was it destiny? When I'm considering this I find it helpful to quote the wisdom of my father, who once told me, Who knows why the fuck anything happens?

~ Ben Aaronovitch

Ben Aaronovitch Humor Peter Grant Truth

I do maintain that if your hair is wrong, your entire life is wrong.

~ Morrissey

Morrissey Humor Truth

Why do relationships have to be so complicated?

~ Erin Hunter

Erin Hunter Humor Lionblaze Truth

Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity.

~ Skyla Madi

Skyla Madi Funny Humor Inspirational Skyla Madi Truth

Whatever demon invented stiletto-heeled boots should roast in hell...

~ Cherise Sinclair

Cherise Sinclair Fashion Humor Truth

[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)

~ Jess C. Scott

Jess C. Scott Asian Asians Bassist Body Boy Chat Chatting Contemporary Fiction Contemporary Literature Contemporary Society Cool Culture Desire Emotion Friendship Funny Girl Honesty Hot Humor Humour Imagination Individuality Instant Life Literature Love Lust Lust For Life Lustful Media Music Musician New Media Novel Passion Reality Relationships Romance Self Sex Sex Appeal Sexuality Sexy Technology Truth Wisdom Young Youth

Don't ever trust men with good intentions. They'll always disappoint you.Leo

~ Lisa Kleypas

Lisa Kleypas Humor Truth

If humor and rumor are needed more than faith and truth, then it tells me something about the kind of world we live today.

~ Toba Beta

Toba Beta Faith Humor Kind Life Live Rumor Secret Today Truth World

I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil.And that no one knows the truth.

~ Molly Ivins

Molly Ivins Evil Humor Truth

There's always a but. It's a magical word. You can say anything you want, go on for as long as you want, and then all you have to do is add the magic word and instantly everything you said is erased, turned meaningless, just like that.

~ Charles Benoit

Charles Benoit Humor Truth

While Owen and Miles talk sports, I people watch. And this is what I see: teenagers trying to act like adults. Or how they think adults act. But mostly they look ridiculous, and I wonder what they don't want to do something that's more fun than drinking, smoking, flirting, and making out. Why are those activities considered to be fun?

~ Melody Carlson

Melody Carlson Humor Teenage Truth

Dance in the rain, follow the path of lovely lanes, you are what you always wanted to be, so chill out, dear friend!

~ Santosh Kalwar

Santosh Kalwar Humor Inspirational Love Truth

Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.

~ Criss Jami

Criss Jami Dishonesty Funny Funny But True Honesty Humor Silence Tolerance Truth Virtue Virtue Signalling

The Dimwit's Guide to the Female Mind might assist your efforts in understanding human females. But it must be pointed out that this subject can be a dangerous adventure and should be undertaken with extreme caution. After all, human males have been trying to understand their females for generations, and most of the time they come away from these encounters looking like someone stuck their tails into an electric socket.

~ Anne Bishop

Anne Bishop Advice Amusing Baffled Book Caution Confuse Confusion Dangerous Female Funny Guide Human Humor Laugh Learn Mars Mind Truth Understand Understanding Venus

Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.

~ Lily Tomlin

Lily Tomlin Humor Lies Truth

Despite his money and his looks and all the good-on-paper attributes he possessed, he was not a reader, and, well, let's just say that is the sort of nonsense up with which we will not put.

~ Eleanor Brown

Eleanor Brown Humor Truth

If I could make it better I would,” he says. In some ways it’s a stupid, obvious thing to say, but the way he said it, so honest and simple like it’s the truest thing there is, makes the tears prick in my eyes. (Before I Fall)

~ Lauren Oliver

Lauren Oliver Humor Love Truth

Women talk when they want to. Or don't.

~ Robert A. Heinlein

Robert A. Heinlein Humor Truth

If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Humor Life Truth

Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it.

~ Elias Schwartz

Elias Schwartz Humor Truth

They- He stopped and just blinked at me for a minute. You know, people are always saying that you're cuckoo. Looney Tunes. Off the freaking edge. But I tell 'em, no, she's okay. She's got some...anger management issues. But you know what? They're right. You're nuts.

~ Karen Chance

Karen Chance Humor Truth

This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth--ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!- Letter to J. H. Twichell, 1/29/1901

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Humor Truth

Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn’t judge others? Master of Stupidity: Don’t! Unless you are paid for it.

~ Toba Beta

Toba Beta Humor Judge Life Paid Truth

When did swearing become so easy? You still would never swear in front of your parents or most adults, but when you're with your friends it's like every fifth word. Why couldn't learning Spanish be that easy?

~ Charles Benoit

Charles Benoit Humor Truth

Here are the Top Ten things that your parents say to you:-Is that all you're going to do all day, sit in front of the computer?-When I was your age I had two jobs.-Why don't you wear some clothes that fir for a change?-Turn it down. I can hear it all the way over here.-You're not eating that for dinner.-Did you do your homework?-Stop mumbling and speak up.-Now what did you do?-Because I said so.-No.

~ Charles Benoit

Charles Benoit Humor Truth
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