Humor Quotes

I feel no grief for being called somethingwhichI am not;in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a goodback rub

~ Charles Bukowski

I have no desire to spend every night of the next few months at balls and soirees or drowning in tea with morning callers.

~ Sarah M. Eden

Women, in general, are less visually aroused than men, a trait that has nearly cut the market for pornography in half.

~ David Brooks

They had not been long there before Lord Dumbello did group himself. 'Fine day,' he said, coming up and occupying the vacant position by Miss Grantly's elbow.'We were driving to-day and we thought it rather cold,' said Griselda.'Deuced cold,' said Lord Dumbello, and then he adjusted his white cravat and touched up his whiskers. Having got so far, he did not proceed to any other immediate conversational efforts; nor did Griselda. But he grouped himself again as became a marquis, and gave very intense satisfaction to Mrs. Proudie.'This is so kind of you, Lord Dumbello,' said that lady, coming up to him and shaking his hand warmly; 'so very kind of you to come to my poor little tea-party.''Uncommonly pleasant, I call it,' said his lordship. 'I like this sort of thing--no trouble, you know.''No; that is the charm of it: isn't it? no trouble or fuss, or parade. That's what I always say. According to my ideas, society consists in giving people facility for an interchange of thoughts--what we call conversation.''Aw, yes, exactly.''Not in eating and drinking together--eh, Lord Dumbello? And yet the practice of our lives would seem to show that the indulgence of those animal propensities can alone suffice to bring people together. The world in this has surely made a great mistake.''I like a good dinner all the same,' said Lord Dumbello.'Oh, yes, of course--of course. I am by no means one of those who would pretend to preach that our tastes have not been given to us for our enjoyment. Why should things be nice if we are not to like them?''A man who can really give a good dinner has learned a great deal,' said Lord Dumbello, with unusual animation.'An immense deal. It is quite an art in itself; and one which I, at any rate, by no means despise. But we cannot always be eating -- can we?''No,' said Lord Dumbello, 'not always.' And he looked as though he lamented that his powers should be so circumscribed.

~ Anthony Trollope

We should have a State in which we could live and breathe as free men and which we could develop according to our own lights and culture and where principles of Islamic social justice could find free play.

~ Muhammad Ali Jinnah

People who worry that nuclear weaponry will one day fall in the hands of the Arabs, fail to realize that the Islamic bomb has been dropped already, it fell the day MUHAMMED (pbuh) was born.

~ Joseph Adam Pearson.

No person of quality ever remembers social restrictions save when considering how most piquantly to break them.

~ James Branch Cabell

Everyone wants a piece of you. The trick is what piece to give.

~ Solange Nicole

Genius feels like an over extended Helium balloon about to burst, and everyone criticizes you for not having a conventional way of coping with it.

~ Solange Nicole

Women never bought Freud's idea of penis envy: who would want a shotgun when you can have an automatic?

~ Natalie Angier

Do we secretly idolize our imagined opposites, yearning to become the role models for others we know we could never be for ourselves?

~ John Waters

Now if you are told that some piece of information will come as a shock to you, the chances are that you will really feel shocked, even if the information itself isn't of the slightest importance.

~ Walter R. Brooks

Shall we go?' he murmured, perhaps regretting his decision to show me his army of plastic cartoon figurines.

~ Jon Ronson

Angie: How do I pitch these ideas to her?Mira: From a distance, preferably wearing body armor.

~ Kristin Hannah

Moral deliberation has to be somewhere in the brain, after all. It’s not going to be in the foot or the stomach, and it’s certainly not going to reside in some mysterious immaterial realm. So who cares about precisely where?

~ Paul Bloom

It's well established that when people are places in uncomfortably negative situations, they will frequently resort to dark humor as a coping mechanism to help relieve some of the heaviness that surrounds them.

~ Micheal Slusher

There are many good things about getting older, but no one knows what they are.

~ Daniel Gilbert

Don't you ever think that maybe the reason behind why heroes are so dedicated to saving people is because they want to finish them off in the end? I mean, in that case, the villains should be the heroes and the heroes should be the villains so that the hero-villains won't be mistaken with the villain-heroes and the villains can be friends with the heroes. And the entire villain-hero and hero-villain world can be one big happy family. With me stuck in the middle.

~ Polkadot

It has been a messy week, and I blame myself as much as anyone else. I feel like a behaviourist who has designed her rat’s maze poorly.

~ Richard K. Morgan

The Eternal Smiler strode forth, handing her one, as well. I considered the psychology behind her smile and formed the conclusion that, despite its obvious coating of pleasantry, it was an understandable psychological decision.

~ Gina Marinello-Sweeney

Oh, come on! Nobody's favorite color is BROWN!

~ Lee Blessing

In what way did your parents screw up to make you the woman you are today?

~ Nicki Elson

There is a characteristic INTJ expression which has become popularly termed the death glare. This facial expression is actually not a glare, but the INTJ's neutral face.

~ Anna Moss

We don’t yet have a body of scientific knowledge about evil to be called a facet of psychology. Therefore, religious reasoning for actions will always be at the discretion of the psychologist, thus making them the judge and jury over what is delusion and what is a spiritual experience that has to be sedated.

~ Shannon L. Alder

Psychologists call these fully absorbing experiences flowstates, which were discovered and named by a world-famous psychologistwith the most unpronounceable surname I have ever encountered –Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

~ Ilona Boniwell

I like to smile at the men who look mean so they know I believe in their better selves. That makes a difference in the world. This is how you might be able to reform a possible rapist without ever going to psychology school.

~ Aimee Bender

What would it be like to think what a gerbil thinks, from a gerbil's point of view? Kind of like Thomas Nigel's 1974 paper, 'What Is It Like to Be a Bat?' There's a subjective character of experience that's never captured in reductive accounts. Know what I mean?''Um . . . Sure.

~ Steven James

All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.

~ Tom Robbins

Don't blame a person for the wrongdoings, Both He and You are Homo-sapiens.Don't greet a person for the rightdoings, Try to be a Homo-sapien.

~ Waqas Bin Ehsan

Looking back, retrospectively on the events of that evening, I can see the irony — the shrink whose cat ate his own tail. At the time of the incident, however, humor was not in my emotional repertoire; it was the furthest thing from my mind.

~ Jacqueline Simon Gunn

Id me didn't have to be concerned with long-term consequences. He was my instinctive, primitive self, driven by my most primal impulses. I wondered, briefly, if 'id' and 'idiot' came from the same root.

~ Jim Butcher

There are essentially three types of people: those who love life more than they fear it, those who fear life more than they love it, and those who have no clue what I'm talking about.

~ Neel Burton

What I'd like to read is a scientific review, by a scientific psychologist--if any exists--of 'A Scientific Man and the Bible'. By what route do otherwise sane men come to believe such palpable nonsense? How is it possible for a human brain to be divided into two insulated halves, one functioning normally, naturally and even brilliantly, and the other capable only of such ghastly balderdash which issues from the minds of Baptist evangelists? Such balderdash takes various forms, but it is at its worst when it is religious. Why should this be so? What is there in religion that completely flabbergasts the wits of those who believe in it? I see no logical necessity for that flabbergasting. Religion, after all, is nothing but an hypothesis framed to account for what is evidentially unaccounted for. In other fields such hypotheses are common, and yet they do no apparent damage to those who incline to them. But in the religious field they quickly rush the believer to the intellectual Bad Lands. He not only becomes anaesthetic to objective fact; he becomes a violent enemy of objective fact. It annoys and irritates him. He sweeps it away as something somehow evil...

~ H.l. Mencken

Since when did psychiatry become one big, fat Myspace survey?

~ Nenia Campbell

It's Unfair to be fair,For Life is unfair

~ Farley Maglaya

The more I know, the more I realize that I don't know much at all...

~ Hans Christian Hollenbeck

Color is powerful. It is almost physiologically impossible to be in a bad mood when you're wearing bright red pants.

~ Jessi Arrington

In the first years of our lives we learn how to shit, talk, walk, sleep, eat and, most importantly, how to royally piss off our parents.

~ A.g. Phillips

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

~ Bill Cosby

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger...unless it instead snaps your spine. Then it makes you a paraplegic.

~ Kelli Jae Baeli