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Humor Quotes

Humor quote from classy quote

With faces entirely invisible through suits, it was hard to be sure, but my impression was that he was watching me and copying my every move. I felt this proved he was intelligent.

~ Janet Edwards

Janet Edwards Earth Girl Funny Future Humor Jarra Science Fiction Ya

I applied for the University of Life. Didn't get the grades.

~ David Nicholls

David Nicholls Future Humor Life

I believe God himself will someday debate with and answer every objection arrogant men can come up with against him; I believe he will humble us and humor himself. Know-it-alls, pseudo-intellectuals, militant anti-theists, for Christ's sake, or rather their own sake, best beware of getting roasted by their own medicine. Ah! Our delusions of trying to argue against an omniscient Creator.

~ Criss Jami

Criss Jami Agnosticism Answers Apologetics Argue Arrogant Atheism Belief Beware Caution Christ Cockiness Confusion Creation Debate Delusion Doubt Ego Faith God Heaven Hell Humble Humility Humor Intelligence Know It Alls Knowledge Medicine Objection Omniscient Pride Questions Solutions Theism Truth Wisdom

As a rule,I believe people shouldn't follow rules;rules should follow people.

~ Eric Micha'el Leventhal

Eric Micha'el Leventhal Awakening Awareness Belief Breaking The Rules Freedom Humor Inspirational Irony Justice Laws Mental Freedom Mental Slavery Morality Obeying Paradox Paradoxical Statement Right And Wrong Rules Slavery Spiritual Freedom Submission Wisdom

Have you got something against faith?”“Have you got something against reason?

~ Sam Hunter

Sam Hunter Belief Faith Humor Inspirational Reason

If, as I have reason to believe, I have disintegrated the nucleus of the atom, this is of greater significance than th

~ Ernest Rutherford

Ernest Rutherford Apology Atom Atomic Theory Belief Discovery Funny Humor Science Significance War Wwi

The scientist believes in proof without certainty, the bigot in certainty without proof.

~ Ashley Montagu

Ashley Montagu Belief Bigot Bigotry Certainty Difference Evidence Funny Humanist Humor Proof Science Science And Faith Science And Religion Scientist

I do not believe in any religion, I will have nothing to do with immortality. We are miserable enough in this life without speculating upon another.

~ George Gordon Byron

George Gordon Byron Atheism Belief Funny Humor Immortality Life Miserable Speculation

If there is a god maybe it rewards those who don't believe on the basis of insufficient evidence--and punishes those who do.

~ Peter Boghossian

Peter Boghossian Belief Evidence Funny Gods Humor Insufficient Evidence Reason Reward Superstition

The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don’t—whichever seems likelier to win an effect.

~ John Updike

John Updike 1960 Belief Comedian Humor Humorist Insincerity Truth

I do not go to church. I don’t go to Christian church or Jew church or any other church. I don’t go to church at all. Not ever. A perfect Sunday for me is spent drinking green tea while reading the Sunday New York Times. Yikes! Why don’t I just turn in my Al-Qaeda membership form and call it a day? As if that wasn’t bad enough, not only do I not go to church:I don’t believe in God. How can I say the Pledge of Allegiance if I don’t believe in God? How can I spend our American currency which pledges “In God We Trust?” How can I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help me God? Answer: I can’t. It’s a real problem. Don’t get me wrong – I’d like to believe in God. I wish I did, especially if He was the kind of God that thought America was #1. But I don’t, which to many people is the same as not believing in America. Up until recently, I thought those people were lunatics.

~ Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Al Qaeda Atheism Atheist Belief Blog Funny Humor Jew Jewish Opinion Separation Of Church And State

He knew from experience that true and obvious ideas, such as the ineffable wisdom and judgment of the Great God Om, seemed so obscure to many people that you actually had to kill them before they saw the error of their ways...

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Belief Crusades Humor Missionaries Religion

Dixon was alive again. Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way; not for him the slow, gracious wandering from the halls of sleep, but a summary, forcible ejection. He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of morning. The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he'd somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad.

~ Kingsley Amis

Kingsley Amis Alcohol Hangover Humor Literature

The Postmodernists' tyranny wears people down by boredom and semi-literate prose.

~ Christopher Hitchens

Christopher Hitchens Humor Literature Postmodernism

I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg. I felt dirty and stupid.

~ Graham Parke

Graham Parke Comedy Humor Literature

But you have read Madame Bovary?' (I'd never heard of her books.) 'No.

~ David Mitchell

David Mitchell Humor Literature

My God, the corruptions of literature. It put all these notions into our heads.

~ Charles Baxter

Charles Baxter Humor Literature

All hen are created equal but some have more feather than others.

~ Viken Berberian

Viken Berberian Fiction Novel Humor Literature

I have a plot, but not much happens.

~ Howard Nemerov

Howard Nemerov Humor Literature

The art teacher's scarlet book was called Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille. 'As the title suggests,' Mr Dunwoody saw the book'd caught my attention, 'it's about the history of opticians. What are you about?

~ David Mitchell

David Mitchell Humor Literature

It was hard to decide on a literature course. Everything the professors said seemed to be somehow beside the point. You wanted to know why Anna had to die, and instead they told you that 19th century Russian landowners felt conflicted about whether they were really a part of Europe. The implication was that it was somehow naive to want to talk about anything interesting, or to think that you would ever know anything important.

~ Elif Batuman

Elif Batuman Academic Humor Literature Russian

Of Books and Scribes there are no end:This Plague--and who can doubt it?Dismays me so, I've sadly pennedAnother book about it.

~ Robert W. Service

Robert W. Service Books About Authors Humor Literature Self Referential

Quote of the day.Al, for want of anything better to do, is standing nodding his head. This reminds Faron of those stupid dogs that people put in their cars, that when the car moves, the dogs frantically nod their heads, like some demented, freshly graduated psychologist, with their first patients.

~ Gary Edward Gedall

Gary Edward Gedall Humor Literature

People are so annoying. All my pianists look exactly like poets, and all my poets look exactly like pianists.

~ Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde Humor Literature

Technically, you cannot really own a book you bought; you can only own the sheets of paper your copy is printed on; unless, of course, you are the book’s publisher.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Mokokoma Mokhonoana Book Books Contract Contracts Copyright Copyrights Hardcover Humor Humour Ink Literature Own Owner Owners Ownership Paper Paperback Philosopher Philosophy Print Printing Publisher Publishers Publishing Satire Satirist Social Criticism

A dessert to a deserter in the desert burst, You trust your thirst. And you are too hot! You scream for ice cream. And believe it or not, I may not be your first. But I might be your lust! Give it a shot...

~ Ana Claudia Antunes

Ana Claudia Antunes Book Comic Desert Desert Survival Entertaining Events Excentric Fast Flash Fiction Fun Funny Humor Ice Cream Lines Literature Mirage Odd One Hundred One People Poems Poetical Puns Stories Storytelling Survival Story Tales Thirsty True Accounts True Stories Word Count Words

Two girls walk past in gargantuan heels and dresses so tight that their skin is spilling out, and one of them says to the other, Wait, who the fuck is Lewis Carroll? and in my imagination I pull a gun out of my pocket, shoot them both and then shoot myself.

~ Alice Oseman

Alice Oseman Dead Serious Humor Lewis Carroll Literature

This person has hoped and dreamed and now it is really happening and this person can hardly believe it. But believing is not an issue here, the time for faith and fantasy is over, it is really really happening. It involves stepping forward and bowing. Possibly there is some kneeling, such as when one is knighted. One is almost never knighted. But this person may kneel and receive a tap on each shoulder with a sword. Or, more likely, this person will be in a car or a store or under a vinyl canopy when it happens. Or online or on the phone. It could be an e-mail re: your knighthood. Or a long, laughing, rambling phone message in which every person this person has ever known is talking on a speakerphone and they are all saying, You have passed the test, it was all just a test, we were only kidding, real life is so much better than that.

~ Miranda July

Miranda July Contemporary Humor Literature Short Story

Modern literature is a north-east wind--a blight of the human soul. I take credit to myself for having helped to make it so. The way to produce fine fruit is to blight the flower. You call this a paradox. Marry, so be it.

~ Thomas Love Peacock

Thomas Love Peacock Humor Literature

When a child is born, I once explained to the kids, some dads lay down bottles of wine for them that will mature when they grow up into ungrateful adults. Instead, what you're going to get from me, as each of you turns sixteen, is a library of the one hundred books that gave me the most pleasure when I was a know-nothing adolescent.

~ Mordecai Richler

Mordecai Richler Books Humor Literature Reading

The poet is a faker / Who's so good at his act / He even fakes the pain / Of pain he feels in fact.

~ Fernando Pessoa

Fernando Pessoa Humor Literature Poet Poetry Wit

We have just discovered our dear colleague butchered in a hotel room, and you wish to discuss literature?

~ Rick Yancey

Rick Yancey Humor Literature Spoiler

If you're going to be a narcissistic schmuck, kid, don't bother studying Faulkner. Go straight to Brett Easton Ellis. He's the role model you need.

~ Arinn Dembo

Arinn Dembo Brett Easton Ellis Faulkner Humor Literature Narcissism

Sence and Sensibility, for instance, came out in three separate volumes, as did Pride and Prejudice (so the next time you read one of the ubiquitous time-travel Austen adaptations and somebody picks up a single-volume first edition, you can hit your nerd buzzer and say wrong!).

~ Amy Smith

Amy Smith Austen Humor Literature Trivia

I don't fear death--I fear dying before I've read Dickens end to end.

~ Amy Smith

Amy Smith Humor Literature Reading

Go ahead and laugh at Detroit. Because you are laughing at yourself.

~ Charlie Leduff

Charlie Leduff Cities Detroit Humor Literature

The parrot had a range of phrases. His own name ('Niko, Niko'), the name of his original owner and now 'Stavros'. Occasionally he would also say 'Panagia mou', which could be an expression of piety but also a gentle expletive, depending on how it was said. With the parrot it was hard to tell. It did not sound pious.

~ Victoria Hislop

Victoria Hislop Books Humor Literature

I write for the beauty of the printed wordfrom PREFACE to BIPOLAR BUFFALO

~ Anthony Antek

Anthony Antek Humor Literature Relationships Social Science

There was no sense to life, to the structure of things. D.H. Lawrence had known that. You needed love, but not the kind of love most people used and were used up by. Old D.H. had known something. His buddy Huxley was just an intellectual fidget, but what a marvelous one. Better than G.B. Shaw with that hard keel of a mind always scraping bottom, his labored wit finally only a task, a burden on himself, preventing him from really feeling anything, his brilliant speech finally a bore, scraping the mind and the sensibilities. It was good to read them all though. It made you realize that thoughts and words could be fascinating, if finally useless.

~ Charles Bukowski

Charles Bukowski Criticism Humor Literature

When you feel like throwing rocks, make sure they're ones no one can throw back.

~ Rebecca Mckinsey

Rebecca Mckinsey Arguments Boldness Humor Words Wordsmithing
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