Humor Quotes

It cost nothing to be nice.

~ Anonymous

Do u sometimes feel dumb or duffer are inadequate words to describe some people?How about DUMFER?

~ Everskeptic

English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

~ Anonymous.

Patroclus,' he said. He was always better with words than I.

~ Madeline Miller

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

~ Lex Martin

With hand gestures, you can fill in a lot of gaps, and the words thing and stuff and -ness also help: patientness instead of patience, fastness instead of speed, honestness instead of honesty. With these choices, many words can be indicated, and pointing or gesticulating usually works.

~ Aimee Bender

A deaf and dumb in the mist of morons is a renowed talkative among brains.

~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Home. The word circled comfortably in my mouth like bubble gum, swished around sweetly soft and satisfying. Home. Try saying it aloud to yourself. Home. Isn’t it like taking a bite of something lovely? If only we could eat words.

~ Sol Luckman

Finally, we entered Chetaube County, my imaginary birthplace, where the names of the little winding roads and minuscule mountain communities never failed to inspire me: Yardscrabble, Big Log, Upper, Middle and Lower Pigsty, Chicken Scratch, Cooterville, Felchville, Dust Rag, Dough Bag, Uranus Ridge, Big Bottom, Hooter Holler, Quickskillet, Buck Wallow, Possum Strut ... We always say a picture speaks a thousand words, but isn’t the opposite equally true?

~ Sol Luckman

As a boy, I used to marvel that the letters in a closed book did not get scrambled and lost overnight.

~ Jose Luis Borges

And empty words are evil.

~ Homer

i find nothing more depressing than optimism.

~ Paul Fussell

Cartooning will destroy you, it will break your heart.

~ Charles M. Schulz

Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?''Oh, rather!''What do you do about it?''I generally take a couple of cocktails.

~ P.g. Wodehouse

Nothing mitigates the throes of depression like a steaming plate of spaghetti and meatballs with marinara sauce and grated parmasan cheese, with a good fresh bread to wipe up.

~ Paul Clayton

Did I miss the denial, anger, and bargaining phases, or did you leap straight to depression?

~ Kat Lowe

I think it would be best if, when you’re having suicidal thoughts of stabbing yourself, that you try to think of rainbows instead.”“Rainbows?” Ann said hugging a pillow.“Yeah,” Lisa said, standing back to look at her wall art. “Ya know—happy, bright, refreshing, the calm after the storm, God’s gift to the earth.”“Or the aliens’ gift,” Ann added.“Course,” Lisa agreed. “Can’t rule that out.

~ Sage Steadman

For how long would I be trapped in the condition of melancholy without going insane?

~ Neda Aria

My doctor has given me as strong an antihistamine as she is allowed to prescribe, but even that does nothing for the itching and swelling. The moment a grain of pollen enters the keep, I begin to tomato, and after two minutes of being exposed to the Ejaculateum Arboratoeaea, I am lying on the ground with my tongue lolling out of the side of my mouth.I am heartily glad that the trees and plants are still interested in copulatory activities; I only wish they would be so good as to keep their sperm away from my face. Do not pretend that pollen is anything else; it transfers haploid male genetic material and sullies the bedclothes unmercifully.

~ Michelle Franklin

For me, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is like a good friend. A necessary girlfriend, but with chronic PMS. A temperamental – and even volatile – friend who does not play well with others and whom I dearly love. It’s a strange relationship.

~ Kelly Wilson

We will remember what it was like to lose you, our pain the black background of our electric blue joy. We will remember that there are few answers to our questions; the questions that seem to float into an endless expanse of sky.

~ Kelly Wilson

I have become conscious of my own “cry face.” My face puckers like the business end of a hot dog except for my mouth, which stretches in a grimace so wide as to accommodate said hotdog horizontally within it. It’s not pretty.

~ Kelly Wilson

I realized at that moment that depression and I will always be linked, tugging back and forth, like the drunken uncle who still gets invited to the family reunion even though everyone knows he’s going to make a messy scene.

~ Kelly Wilson

I have attempted for years to make fun of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is a dangerous game. It’s similar to poking fun at the largest, scariest bully at your school and assuming you won’t get beat up.

~ Kelly Wilson

I rummaged through the drawers in search of a strong poison. I thought of nothing as I looked; I had to get it over with as quickly as possible. It was as if it were an everyday task I needed to do.All I could find were things of no use to me: buttons, string, thread of various colors, notebooks—all strongly redolent of naphthalene and none capable of causing a man’s death. Buttons, thread, and string—that is what the world contained at this most tragic of moments.

~ Max Blecher

Never bullshit a bullshitter.

~ Jennifer Niven

Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack

~ Josh Stern

Well, enough of this introspection. It’s depressing, quite frankly.

~ Sol Luckman

Prideful fool. It hurt his feelings that he couldn’t make my crazy go away. You know how men are. Always trying to fix things can’t be fixed.

~ Ken Wheaton

There are only two profound ways to reach enlightenment: Laugh by yourself, or get tickled.

~ Saurabh Sharma

I've had a lot of therapists, so I've had the opportunity to approach my fear in many different ways. I've faced it head on and sideways and tried to tiptoe up behind it.

~ Anna White

Smiles are a funny thingand laughter is hilarious.I smile sometimeswhen I am delirious.

~ Casey Renee Kiser

Persistent smile brings out hollow dimples, and persistent frowns brings out hollow wrinkles.

~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Maybe I just didn’t want it to be Benny because he really loves her, and if I was wrong about that, it’d be depressing. Who wants to be depressed?”“Poets,” Eve decided. “You have to think they must.”“Okay, other than poets.

~ J.d. Robb

Oh, precious losing streak,you're too cute for your own good. I try to laugh about itbut my face is made of wood.

~ Casey Renee Kiser

I think I might be bi-polar. It's not normal to be this emotionally unstable.

~ Michelle N. Onuorah

Nothing succeeds like success. Kill me now.

~ Doug Westberg

What's the difference between depression and South America?If you really had to, you could conquer South America.

~ Doug Westberg

There's major depression, and then there's clinical depression. Major depression is what makes you jump off a bridge. I have clinical depression. I jump out of first story windows. It's the psychological equivalent of lying on a bed of rubber nails.

~ Doug Westberg

For some reason, I kept trying to see how much pubic hair he had. It was all matted and kind of orange, like something you use to scrub soap scum. When he caught me looking, he told me that the landlord on the show – Mr. Furley or whatever his name was – didn’t try hard enough. “That guy doesn’t try hard enough, Steve,” he said. I felt weirdly ashamed when he said that. So much so that I went into his room and urinated on his bed.

~ Adam Rapp