Definition of Father's Day: Same as Mother's Day but you don't spend as much.
~ Anonymous
My folks refused to have more than four children after reading that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese.
No matter what Dad was always there with solid words of advice . . . Go ask your mother.
~ Alan Ray
Father reading report card: One thing in your favor - with these grades you couldn't possibly be cheating.
~ Jacob Braude
Every small boy wonders why his father didn't go into the ice cream business.
No matter how old a mother is she still watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.
~ Florida Scott-Maxwell
There are three books my daughter felt were the most important influences in her life: the Bible her mother's cookbook and her father's checkbook.
~ Joyce Mattingly
Grandchildren don't make a man feel old it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother.
~ G. Norman Collie
Dad named his first ulcer after me.
It is a wise child that knows its own father and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.
~ Mark Twain
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children now I have six children and no theories.
~ John Wilmot
When I was a boy of fourteen my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
My mother phones daily to ask Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no she adds So if you're not too busy call me while I'm still alive . . . and hangs up.
~ Erma Bombeck
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.
~ Rita Rudner
There's no such thing as a nonworking mother.
~ Hester Mundis
God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.
~ Jewish Proverb
MOTHER TO TEENAGER ON SUNDAY MORNING: I believe I heard the clock strike one when you came in last night. teen: Well I know how much you need your sleep so it was going to strike ten but I stopped it at one chime.
I hope I look as good as my mother does when I reach the age she says she isn't.
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?
~ Wendy Liebman
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
~ Calvin Trillin
We criticize mothers for closeness. We criticize fathers for distance. How many of us have expected less from our fathers and appreciated what they gave us more? How many of us always let them off the hook?
~ Ellen Goodman
Mothers tend to be more direct. Fathers talk to other fathers about their kids more metaphorically. It's a different way of communication.
~ Richard Louv
Since God had commanded it, it was necessary that I do it. Since God commanded it, even if I had a hundred fathers and mothers, even if I had been a King's daughter, I would have gone nevertheless.
~ Joan Of Arc
Women's roles in the movies remain, for the most part, girlfriends, mothers, wives.
~ Rebecca Traister
I've played a lot of mothers in my movies.
~ Vera Farmiga
But, based on my friendship with Evie as young mothers, I started going on freedom rides in 1966.
~ June Jordan
They say geniuses mostly have great mothers. They mostly have sad fates.
~ D. H. Lawrence
Men are what their mothers made them.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
~ Elayne Boosler
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.
~ Aristotle
What do girls do who haven't any mothers to help them through their troubles?
~ Louisa May Alcott
Mothers and children are human beings, and they will sometimes do the wrong thing.
~ Maurice Sendak
Mothers are the necessity of invention.
~ Bill Watterson
Babies don't need fathers, but mothers do. Someone who is taking care of a baby needs to be taken care of.
~ Amy Heckerling
