Absurd Quotes

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.


~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

The universe had no choice but to create intelligent life so that there would be someone else that could simply laugh at how unbelievably, ridiculously and senselessly huge the universe is and how utterly insignificant the rest of us are.

~ Ian Strang

Are you an evolutionist? I’m an absurdist, ma’am. But let’s suppose evolution is true; what about the monkeys today? Why can’t we see them evolving? Are they still evolving?

~ Harrison Wheeler

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?

~ John Kennedy Toole

I think my life is of great importance, but I also think it is meaningless.

~ Albert Camus

He himself, Anthony went on to think, he himself had chosen to regard the whole process as either pointless or a practical joke. Yes, chosen. For it had been an act of the will. If it were all nonsense or a joke, then he was at liberty to read his books and exercise his talents for sarcastic comment; there was no reason why he shouldn't sleep with any presentable woman who was ready to sleep with him. If it weren't nonsense, if there was some significance, then he could no longer live irresponsibly. There were duties towards himself and others and the nature of things. Duties with whose fulfilment the sleeping and the indiscriminate reading and the habit of detached irony would interfere. He had chosen to think it nonsense, and nonsense for more than twenty years the thing had seemed to be – nonsense, in spite of occasional uncomfortable intimations that there might be a point, and that the point was precisely in what he had chosen to regard as the pointlessness, the practical joke.

~ Aldous Huxley

The mind, placed before any kind of difficulty, can find an ideal outlet in the absurd. Accommodation to the absurd readmits adults to the mysterious realm inhabited by children.

~ André Breton

If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up

~ Josh Stern

Snarling an oath from an Icelandic saga, I reclaimed my place at the head of the queue. Oy! yelled a punk rocker, with studs in his cranium. There's a fackin' q

~ David Mitchell

I sheep's idea of bravery : To become a wolf's pet.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

My last girlfriend was a Showgirl - But we eventually broke up because she wouldn't Tell me anything. Now I'm dating a girl who looks exactly like my grandma, only my girl older.-James Lee Schmidt and Jarod Kintz

~ James Lee Schmidt

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months

~ Josh Stern

If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working

~ Josh Stern

There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident

~ Josh Stern

I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!

~ Josh Stern

When you're reaching the end of the semester and you just wanna die. Coffin Making 101 is literally killing me.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

~ Karen Quan

I, Larry Vail, do hereby confessTo murdering Merry in her little dress.To strangling and raping and making a mess.To all of these charges the answer is yes.

~ Rosalyn Drexler

As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself—so like a brother, really—I felt that I had been happy and that I was happy again. For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate.

~ Albert Camus

I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one's burden again. ButSisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He tooconcludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neithersterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night filled mountain,in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man'sheart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy

~ Albert Camus

We call love what binds us to certain creatures only by reference to a collective way of seeing for which books and legends are responsible.

~ Albert Camus

A stranger to myself and to the world, armed solely with a thought that negates itself as soon as it asserts, what is this condition in which I can have peace only by refusing to know and to live, in which the appetite for conquest bumps into walls that defy its assaults?

~ Albert Camus

My joy is that there is no such world at all, but that the substance of life is in everyone! There is no reason to be troubled because we are absurd, is there? For we really are: we are absurd, frivolous, we have bad habits, we're bored, we don't know how to look around ourselves, we don't know how to understand, we are all like this, all of us, you, and I, and everyone! And you aren't offended by my telling you straight to your faces that you are absurd? There is the basic stuff of life in your, isn't there? You know, I believe it's sometimes even good to be ridiculous. Yes, much better. People forgive each other more readily and become more humble, we can't understand everything at once, we can't begin with perfection! To reach perfection there must first be much we do not understand. And if we understand too quickly we will probably not understand very well. I tell this to you who have been able to understand so much and - do not understand.'p. 577

~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

It's one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!... That's a real talent

~ Josh Stern

Take from the church the miraculous, the supernatural, the incomprehensible, the unreasonable, the impossible, the unknowable, the absurd, and nothing but a vacuum remains.

~ Robert G. Ingersoll

Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

~ Josh Stern

You need to be clever to best him. Are you clever, Rach

~ Kim Harrison

I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free

~ Josh Stern

It has always seemed absurd to suppose that a god would choose for his companions, during all eternity, the dear souls whose highest and only ambition is to obey.

~ Robert G. Ingersoll

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow

~ Josh Stern

Come Hell or High Water usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

~ Josh Stern

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

~ Josh Stern

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

~ Josh Stern

The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification

~ Josh Stern

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

~ Josh Stern

I love shark week, all kids swim for free

~ Josh Stern

And as they drifter up their minds sang with the ecstatic knowledge that either what they were doing was completely and utterly and totally impossible or that physics had a lot of catching up to do.Physics shook its head and, looking the other way, concentrated on keeping the cards going along the Euston Road and out over towards the Westway flyover, on keeping the street lights lit and on making sure that when somebody on Baker Street dropped a cheeseburger it went splat on the ground.

~ Douglas Adams

You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order

~ Josh Stern

The Law of Moronic Ubiquity: Anything in the universe that is generally considered to be idiot-proof will eventually be ruined by an idiot.

~ Ian Strang

The Law of Chaos: Any activity or event that seems to lie beyond the boundaries of possibility will usually be the first thing to occur.

~ Ian Strang

Don't be so hard on yourself....that's what a loofah's for

~ Josh Stern