Funny Quotes

Sometimes we are asking God to reveal his presence, provisions and purpose in our lives and we pray like we are trying to get God's attention but I think prayer has less with getting God's attention but He getting mine.

~ Patience Johnson

Evil is real but God is greater.

~ Patience Johnson

God always have a perfect way for every imperfect situations.

~ Patience Johnson

Could it be that while you are waiting for God to come down and help you, God is also waiting for you to get up? Maybe your breakthrough never happen when your situation changes but when you make a determination within yourself without excuses or blaming anybody and not waiting for anyone and stop praying that your situation change but let God change you. Let your prayer be God change me, God work in me, spring out the rivers of living water within me and I bet you, this is where the breakthrough begins.☺just a thought and something to ponder on....

~ Patience Johnson

The size of a plane does not change the weather but it will get you above it. The size of your faith may not change your situation but it will get you over it.

~ Patience Johnson

For those of you who are begging God for a breakthrough, this is not the way of getting something from your heavenly father, you don't have to beg him for what He already bought for you, you don't have to beg Him for what He died to give you. You don't have to convince people, you don't have to convince anybody if God likes to do a work in your life, it is done.

~ Patience Johnson

The more desperate the situation, the more opportunity for miracle. If you need something from God, you need to be at the right place, the right position and at the right time

~ Patience Johnson

Do you want to feel better or do you want to get well are two different things. Some people go to church to feel better but never get well. Some come to church for comfort and leave unchanged. And that is what sin represents. ..it is a place to be comfortable thereby feeling normal in your own disfunction.

~ Patience Johnson

Stop praying to God to change your marriage or your finances because you might end up seeing that you are the one that need the change not your marriage or finances.

~ Patience Johnson

What you see and what you listen to will determine how high you will go.

~ Patience Johnson

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~ Patience Johnson

It is weird to me on how people will come to church frequently and have absolutely no desire or intention to change anything about their life based on what they experienced in the church.

~ Patience Johnson

Have you ever make out time to ask God if there is anything or anybody you need to drop in your life? Are you still holding on to offences? When is the right time to drop it?I am sure once you make this attempt He will show you.I declare that God is going to set some captives free.

~ Patience Johnson

Offence is an event, offended is a decision. Offence and offended we have to live through it but to stay offended? To live in that place denies the very nature of the salvation that you claimed to have received.

~ Patience Johnson

I didn't get to God by effort or title, I got there by invitation. God can lift you quickly if you let Him. He really cares.

~ Patience Johnson

Being married or being in a close relationship is not based on how quickly you can get offended but on how you are ready to drop the offences, get over it and move ahead.

~ Patience Johnson

Before Marriage opposite attracts, after marriage opposite attacks☺. Just telling you the truth.

~ Patience Johnson

God takes two and make them one but satan takes one and make it two.

~ Patience Johnson

The closer the relationship, the greater the opportunities for intimacy. However the greater the opportunity the closer to offence. (A bit deep). Nobody can really make you mad more than someone that you really love. Nobody can hurt you like the somebody you have given your heart to.

~ Patience Johnson

You can't love me if you don't love you, you can't think of nothing to do with me if you can't think of nothing to do with yourself, stop feeling sorry for yourself and tidy up, clean up the apartment until you get a house, do that job until you build your own company. Look at what you have and think on how to make it better.

~ Patience Johnson

There is a throne up there and someone is sitting on it. It is not you, the economy or your government. My God is still on the throne and I shall not worry.

~ Patience Johnson

My faith gives me the ability to say, whatever is next, I'm ready. If it is Hillary or Trump I am ready because they might sit on the desk but they do not sit on the throne.

~ Patience Johnson

You don't have to feel grateful in order to be grateful.

~ Patience Johnson

One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We usually learn from debates that we seldom learn from debates.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

~ Henny Youngman

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline.

~ Michael Summers

Why?' He asked.'Why what?' What could I say? Noah, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I'd like to rip off your clothes and have your babies. Don't tell.

~ Michelle Hodkin

Alright, good night,” he said, his words a little slurred. “But before I pass out, I want you to know that you’re the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat.

~ Erin Mccarthy

I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise unicorn.

~ Amy Sommers

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.

~ Criss Jami

And since I’m marrying into the Quartet, I have certain privileges and duties. If you’re sleeping with Laurel—”“I’m not sleeping with Laurel. We’re dating.”“Right, and the two of you are just going to hold hands, admire the moon, and sing camp songs.”“For a while. Minus the singing.

~ Nora Roberts

I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear.

~ Michael Summers

I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them.

~ Michael Summers

I had a dream about you last night... you were there.

~ Nicole Mckay

I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it.

~ Michael Summers

I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming 'I'm melting.

~ Nicole Mckay

I had a dream about you last night... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive.

~ Nicole Mckay

I had a dream about you last night... You turned red, then green, and then blue. You told me you were trying to fit in with the m&m's.

~ Amy Sommers

I had a dream about you last night.. You were in the amazon rain forest yipping like a dog.

~ Amy Sommers