Funny Quotes

You try almost dying, being chased, thenhopping in a car with a complete (horny)stranger.

~ Gena Showalter

What do you think is the problem? You’re a cute kid-­‐uh, guy. Man. You’re a cuteman.

~ Gena Showalter

Tell me, Lothaire, I want to know. Convince me why I should love you.”“Because any other female would!

~ Kresley Cole

There is a point in the future where even the worst disaster starts to settle into an anecdote.

~ David Nicholls

Blackouts can be fun if approached with the right mindset. You just can't sweat the fact that you've lost a small portion of your life for all eternity. Occasionally, little bubbles of memory will float up like surreal Mylar party balloons at unexpected times throughout the net day and start piecing together a colorful, if incomplete, version of reality.

~ Josh Kilmer-Purcell

It seemed that it was not only live magicians which Mr. Norrell despised. He had taken the measure of all the dead ones too and found them wanting.

~ Susanna Clarke

Brodie found herself frowning in confusion, the rugged handsome one was making no sense. “But I just want to have sex with you… no commitment, no sharing. If anything, I would prefer it if you didn’t talk at all, before, during, or after the act.

~ Jane Cousins

She’d been seconds away from kissing the man… no, throttling him, for his sheer audacity.  “You expect me to bat my eyes and thrust my tits into some hairy creature’s face and then run away like a giggling simpleton?”“They only have the one eye under all that hair, and their eyesight is notoriously bad, so you can probably just keep your… tits where they are. 

~ Jane Cousins

Turning her attention back to her Aunt she sighed softly.  “I’d really like my security deposit back on this place, so if you do end up having to kill him… well…”Nabha laughed softly, patting her niece on the arm. “Don’t worry, I’ll do it outside.”“Good.”  Devon sighed with relief. That was one less thing to worry about.  “As long as we’re on the same page.

~ Jane Cousins

Your head is incredibly hard…you’ll be fine.”“So much for bedside manner. You didn’t think about cushioning my fall before I hit the ground?”“Please, would you jump in front of an oak tree to stop it falling?”“You’re comparing me to a falling tree?

~ Jane Cousins

The goblins have been after me ever since I helped the Coven drive them out of Essex. (They were gobbling up drunk people in club bathrooms, and the Mage was worried about losing regional slang.) I think the goblin who successfully offs me gets to be king.

~ Rainbow Rowell

In a near-by clearing, Cricket and How-Ya-Do came upon a ridiculously comical sight. It was an extra-large hyper-manic bird yelling at the funniest looking Crawfish that she had ever seen. The Crawfish stood over a foot tall, which just does not happen, and he was wearing a light-blue beanie and gold chains around his neck.

~ Darwun St. James

Aren’t faeries supposed to be, like, really tiny? With wings and a wand and faerie dust?”“I’m not Tinker Bell!

~ Rachel Morgan

I’m related to one. Can you believe that? It was bad enough thinking I was paranoid, going crazy or maybe just cursed, but to find out Gods are real and that I’m related to one… life sucks lemons and I’ve run out of tequila and salt.

~ Jane Cousins

She scrambled to her feet, uncaring that a stray knee and elbow had Erik wincing. “How can you be groaning about a simple knee to the groin when you’ve just been battered by flying furniture, candelabras and hit on the head by a pot plant that must weigh a ton or more?”“I’ll have you know there is nothing simple about my groin…” He shot her his predatory grin, the one he often reserved for her breasts. Run little girl, run far and run fast… take those tempting curves, enticing kissable lips and award winning breasts with you.

~ Jane Cousins

Some instantaneous connection had occurred between them. The very air in the room seemed to crackle with the awareness of it. A wave of heat suffused her body to centre between her legs, suddenly she felt breathless and hyper aware of him. There was no way this man could remain unaffected by the sheer magnitude of the invisible bonds that had just linked them irretrievably together. She wondered what he was thinking behind those beautiful navy blue eyes. Okay so she didn’t really expect him to open his mouth and spout poetry or declare his undying love but she certainly wasn’t prepared for his next words.“You aren’t going to throw up are you? This is one of my favourite suits.

~ Jane Cousins

Never grow up!

~ R.w. Mitchell

He wanted a faery. More than anything else in the world. He had already imagined exactly how it should happen. He would set up the invitation, and the next day there would be a petal-winged pisky clinging to the top of his bedpost. It would have a foolish grin on its face, and large ears, and it wouldn’t notice at all that Bartholomew was small and ugly and different from everyone else. But no. Mother had to ruin everything.

~ Stefan Bachmann

One of the most amazing things that we often forget is this: God never forgets us! Face it; you could hide under a rock, BUT, God will still be beside you saying, Rock bottom, already?

~ Mary Kate

Seven billion who need to be kept happy, and docile, until the end. How do you do that? What's the best way to calm down a scared kid, get them to go back to sleep? Tell them a story. Some shit about Jesus or whatever.

~ Neal Stephenson

I've tried reading the Bible. I never make it past all the talk about the firmament. The firmament is the thing, on Day 1 or 2, that divides the waters from the waters. Here you have the firmament. Next to the firmament, the waters. Stay with the waters long enough, presumably you hit another stretch of firmament. I can't say for sure: at the first mention of the firmament, I start bleeding tears of terminal boredom. I grow restless. I flick ahead. It appears to go like this: firmament, superlong middle part, Jesus. You could spend half your life reading about the barren wives and the kindled wraths and all the rest of it before you got to the do-unto-others part, which as I understand it is the high-water mark.

~ Joshua Ferris

As a kid my heart would break for the villains.

~ Criss Jami

Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.

~ Bauvard

You are funny like a kid and awesome like a princessUnseen like an angel, like the morning sunshine… Kindness like a river and highness like a mountain, In the middle of the Rheine, the cute face and sweet lips …(La la la la, La la , mmmm , mm …)Keep the lovely smile, in your juicy icy eyes Open the heaven for my eyes, forever angel voice Never angry never harsh, never mad never marsh Dear or darling, either diamond or dime, Overall the dream of the world

~ M.f. Moonzajer

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?


~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

...in the unique case of a country’s geographic position, it is difficult to consider this factor as anything other than a cause, unless we assume that in prehistoric times peoples migrated to climates that fit their concepts of power distance, which is rather far-fetched.

~ Geert Hofstede

For every guy who loves being a dad, there’s another who realizes too late that he’s created something his wife loves more than him.

~ Mark R. Brand

Regular people are used to rudeness; we get it all the time, we're inured to it. The wealthy aren't; it hurts their feelings, or whatever they have in there.

~ Michael Cleverly

You will miss a normal life while living a successful life, but not as much as the craving for a successful life while you were living a normal life.

~ Amit Kalantri

If you have money but not love you will somehow manage, but if you don't have both then you are in serious trouble.

~ Amit Kalantri

Not obedience or feelings or respect, there is only one thing which people take seriously at all time and its money.

~ Amit Kalantri

Apart from the economic value, money does have high moral value.

~ Amit Kalantri

BE REALBring it on-And let truth be my existence.Value my life-And tell me like it is.Bark at me when I'm wrong-And hug me when I'm right.Praise me if I succeed-And tell me if I fail.Laugh at me if you think I'm funny-And wink at me if you think I'm cute.Yell at me if I ever hurt you-And scold me if I'm ever bad.Keep things real with me, Because I want to be alive,I want my world to be real-And I want to see your spirit.I want to hear you breathe- And I want to know how you feel.Don’t waste my time with insincerities.Keep my world real.

~ Giorge Leedy

Remember: There's a reason the fairy godmother gave Cinderella two glass slippers.

~ Michael Callahan

I chase goals, not girls.

~ Amit Kalantri

Give up your dreams, you'll accomplish more without sleep.

~ Bauvard

I decided that life rationally considered seemed pointless and futile, but it is still interesting in a variety of ways, including the study of science. So why not carry on, following the path of scientific hedonism? Besides, I did not have the courage for the more rational procedure of suicide.

~ Robert S. Mulliken

There is something stunningly narrow about how the Anthropic Principle is phrased. Yes, only certain laws and constants of nature are consistent with our kind of life. But essentially the same laws and constants are required to make a rock. So why not talk about a Universe designed so rocks could one day come to be, and strong and weak Lithic Principles? If stones could philosophize, I imagine Lithic Principles would be at the intellectual frontiers.

~ Carl Sagan

If you're stressing over happiness, you're doing it wrong!

~ Shannon L. Alder

I'd love to be what I have been.

~ Raheel Farooq