Funny Quotes

Wrangling the cat into the cage proved interesting, and Josie had several scratches before Clint bent down and let out a menacing growl. The cat took one look at him and with a disdainful sniff, turned to march into the cage.

~ Eve Langlais

In lieu of Tasers, you'll have to hit me. Hard as you can. Then maybe some kind of fight-or-flight response will kick in and I'll turn into a bat to get away from you.Fight or flight.Yes.Only half of that is flight.

~ Adam Rex

It’s a long shot, but this baby is pretty cool.” He pushed the button that brought up the menu. “I need to run a search.”“Of course, master,” the computer said with an inviting smile. “Which pornographic material should I seek out today?”Dante grinned. “Really? You can do that?” He felt Meg’s stare. “Nothing like that.

~ Sophie Oak

That’s a Planeswalker demon.” Dante slumped into the seat behind her. “You aren’t crazy.” Meg slid him a bemused glance. “I thought we’d settled that a few weeks back.”“Nope,” he said,shaking his head. “I was still certain you were loony.”“Then why have you been helping me?”“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, sweetheart, but you have fabulous tits,” Dante said with a sigh. “I figured once you gave up on the whole idea of being queen of the faery world, you might consider sleeping with me. Now I see that demons are real. I’m going to church tomorrow.

~ Sophie Oak

Graves leaned forward, eyeing me. “Hey, Dru. You were French-kissing awinged snake. Creeptastic.

~ Lili St. Crow

I don't think my mum ever understood my love of Doctor Who. Surely her strongest memory would have been me, standing at the top of the stairs, crying about how the jelly men were going to get me? Sorry, Mum, for those sleepless nights, but it was with good reason they called it Terror of the Zygons.

~ Steve Berry

I had a dream about you, I’ve had multiple dreams about you. If I had to choose between the real you and the dream you then…Goodnight.

~ Rodney Jenkins

I suppose.” Mousefur sniffed. “No doubt it’ll be up to me to teach them manners. Kits nowadays don’t know how to show any respect.”Jayfeather’s whiskers twitched with amusement.“Don’t you believe it,” Purdy whispered. “She was teaching Lilykit and Seedkit how to reach under the wall of the warriors’ den and catch stray tails yesterday.

~ Erin Hunter

Dixon was not unconscious of this awed reverence which was given to her, nor did she dislike it, it flattered her as much as Louis the Fourteenth was flattered by his courtiers shading their eyes from the dazzling light of his presence.

~ Elizabeth Gaskell

Using love as a bait and replacing respect with ego-pampering makes you a skillful social animal; unfortunately, all kinds of animals are less evolved than human beings. Would you like to evolve?

~ Saurabh Sharma

Extroverts communicate well with others, Introverts communicate well with themselves

~ Pablo

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.


~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.


~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

In any given situation there will always be more dumb people than smart people. We ain't many!

~ Ken Kesey

Don't think about the writing process too much. Just do one thing: tell the motherfucking story.

~ Don Roff

Crazy moment!! When you suddenly laughed because you remember something funny and then realised that strangers were lookin at you weirdly (why the hell he's laughin) and immediately you changed your expression to serious.

~ Khaled Besrour

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.

~ Elizabeth Eulberg

I remember calling the council's cemetery department to ask about body decomposition in different soil types. Once they had verified that I was a novelist and not a sicko, they were extremely helpful.

~ Sara Sheridan

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences?

~ Gian-Carlo Rota

I never said you were supposed to be a jailer, i only said a normal person would have questioned why someone would create a decoy nun and then crawl out the window.

~ Janette Rallison

life has a funny way of testing you to see if you really want, what you say you want.

~ Turcois Ominek

Where did the stereotypical image of the reclusive author in a bathrobe and slippers, indulging in vices and spending hours before a typewriter, even come from? I don't know about you, but most writers don't have the luxury of doing any of this. Otherwise we'd have no life experience and nothing to write about, anyway.

~ Rebecca Mcnutt

The thing about being a screenwriter, scriptwriter, or scenarist, You get to have multiple personalities and not be charged!

~ Funny

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.

~ Ryan Lilly

First of all is the fact that I have some rather good turns of phrase. I don't say that pridefully ... it's just that when a line I forgot about smacks me in the face and says, Look at me! Aren't I lovely? I have to notice.

~ Rachel Heffington

But as an escort it’s our duty to hold their attention and play with their heads. The one between their ears and the one in their pants.

~ S.k. Logsdon

It was as if when he left he'd taken some of the screws that held her together and now all she could do was walk around all wonky and falling apart

~ Virginia Macgregor

I mean if there was any justice in the world you wouldn't even have to go to school during your period. You'd just stay home for five days and eat chocolate and cry.

~ Andrea Portes

You’re seventeen! Why do I have to keep reminding you of that? There are soooo many women you haven’t even met yet! Don’t act like you’re tired of the puss-puss, no guy is ever tired of the puss-puss.

~ Sara Wolf

Bitterblue had never seen a man naked, and she was curious. She decided the universe owed her a few minutes, just a few, to satisfy her curiosity. So she went to him and knelt, which shut him up.

~ Kristin Cashore

You know, every bad guy was once good until he crossed a line. I don’t think they come out of the womb being assholes.

~ Laurann Dohner

Knives and candlelight,” he said, “how romantic.

~ Nenia Campbell

Julian smiled back, his full lips pulled back over white teeth as he rolled the blanket back a little bit. “Is he really a heart breaker?” “I’m the breakiest of heart breakers,” Leo interjected, his tone deadpan as he dumped a handful of greens into the pot on the stove. Julian wrinkled his nose. “That’s not even a word,” He complained and fell into a sulky silence from his place on the bed.

~ Hazel Blackthorn

Well, go on then, Abby; run along and let the nice man compromise you.

~ Anne Gracie

They’d be complaining about having to walk, and screeching at me to ‘do something, Freddy, do something!’”“But what could you do?” she said, puzzled.“Carry them, probably.” He gave her a hopeful look. “Do you want me to carry you?

~ Anne Gracie

He laughed, a big, open-mouthed laugh that made her think of words beginning with the letter O.

~ Kerrigan Bane

This was getting bloody ridiculous, he thought savagely. If she became any more adorable, endearing, or delectable, something was going to get broken.Most likely his heart.

~ Lisa Kleypas

And how did you know about that?” Seven looked at his watch. Chase held up a hand. “Let me guess, in two minutes and thirty seconds, I was going to tell you Martin called.”“No.”“No?”“Six minutes and fifteen seconds. You had a couple of false starts. Then you were going to apologize because he wouldn’t help you by putting you in touch with his contacts in Washington.”“Something tells me you’re going to be no fun come Christmas.

~ Adrienne Wilder

After a few seconds of scraping, I realize what he has isn’t a trail, it’s a whole forest! Ack! Weren’t all men supposed to shave their chest and stuff nowadays? Whatever happened to having fuzz-free Hollywood heroes as role models? At least my embarrassment is completely foregone by the irritation at his lack of upkeep. The only thing distracting me now is that heady mix of musk, shaving cream and a distinctly…male scent. And God knows that is one seriously jeopardizing distraction. Especially with a whizzing needle in one’s hand.

~ Rucy Ban

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by her name.

~ Rucy Ban