I have to return some videotapes
~ Bret Easton Ellis
You're an investigator - can't nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y'all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street.
~ Steve Harvey
Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.
~ John Green
If you say ‘we’re in this together,’ I’m going to hurl.
~ Kelley Armstrong
What do you think they're going to do to us when they find us guilty? she says after a few minutes of silence have passed.Honestly?Does now seem like the time for honesty?I look at her from the corner of my eye. I think they're going to force us to eat lots of cake and then take an unreasonably long nap.
~ Veronica Roth
If you didn't grow up like I did then you don't know, and if you don't know it's probably better you don't judge.
~ Junot Díaz
Why are they going to disappear him?'I don't know.'It doesn't make sense. It isn't even good grammar.
~ Joseph Heller
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
~ Victor Borge
I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.
~ P.g. Wodehouse
But whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relationship they perceive to be a normal part of living. And someone needs to take the fall for this. So instead of blaming no one for this (which is kind of cowardly) or blaming everyone (which is kind of meaningless), I'm going to blame John Cusack.
~ Chuck Klosterman
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
~ Scott Adams
Bishop was all done with the witty converstaion. 'Will you swear?'And Myrnin said, shockingly, 'I will.' And he proceeded to, a string of swearwords that made Claire blink. He ended with, '—frothy fool-born apple-john! Cheater of vandals and defiler of dead dogs!' and did another twirl and bow. He looked up with a red, red grin that was more like a leer. 'Is that what you meant, my lord?
~ Rachel Caine
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
~ Steve Martin
St. Clair clears his throat. 'My fiancée and I are headed out for a celebratory dessert. I'd ask you all to join us, but I don't want you there.
~ Stephanie Perkins
Don't blame me. Tell your mom to move closer. Tell her there's this new club called civilization and you guys should join.
~ Becca Fitzpatrick
Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading.
~ Lena Dunham
Men are more interesting in books than they are in real life.
~ Mary Ann Shaffer
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
~ Terry Pratchett
...crackers... a voice breathed out nehind us, yesss...Both of us turned, watching as Chubs twisted around in his seat and settled back down, still fast asleep. I pressed a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. Liam rolled his eyes, smiling. .
~ Alexandra Bracken
We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare.Scrabble? He sounds surprised. Scrabble's great.Not when you're playing with a family of geniuses, it's not. They all put words like 'iridiums'. And I put 'pig'.
~ Sophie Kinsella
Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health.However, I always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends: Mustache? Mustache? Mustache?Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding the sacred aspect of mustaches.
~ Salvador Dalí
Geez, you guys. I know I'm popular and all, but seriously, you're a bit too co-dependent for me. I'm going to need you to step away from my personal bubble. A wispy vine-woman curled ivy tendrils around his arm, and he sliced through them with his dagger. No! Bad Wraith! No touchie!
~ Julie Kagawa
If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.
~ Jasper Fforde
Chocolate is God's apology for brocolli
~ Richard Paul Evans
A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.
~ Mark Twain
Playing with fire Kitten?
~ Jeaniene Frost
In this dirty minded world, you are either someone's wife or someone's whore. And if you're not either people think there is something wrong with you....but there is nothing wrong with me
~ John Irving
That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy.Pex was unrepentant. Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things.But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror.I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me.
~ Eoin Colfer
The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding.
~ John Updike
Life's greatest tragedy is not that it will someday end, but that most only live to follow directions and sometimes we end up totally lost.
~ Alex Gaskarth
You're such a pain in the ass. (Butch) Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)
~ J.r. Ward
Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of men why they felt threatened by women. They said they were afraid women would laugh at them.
~ Molly Ivins
Hmm…” Jason snapped his fingers. “I can call a friend for a ride.”Percy raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? Me too. Let's see whose friend gets here first.
~ Rick Riordan
I didn't know a van could go up on two wheels like that, for so long. -Nudge
~ James Patterson
I have gone temporarily deaf and haven't any idea what you said, Harry.
~ J.k. Rowling
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
~ George Carlin
You can't save everybody. In fact, there are days when I think you can't save anyone. Each person has to save himself first, then you can move in and help. I have found this philosophy does not work during a gun battle, or a knife fight either. Outside of that it works just fine.
~ Laurell K. Hamilton
Haven't you ever heard of the saying, If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse!?' --LinIf you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL!' --Ed
~ Hiromu Arakawa
Wow. When he started looking back on the war with Kronos as the good old days--that was sad.
Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives.
~ Marilyn Monroe
