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Humour Quotes

Humour quote from classy quote

She thinks I'm a hussy,' thought Scarlett. 'And perhaps she's right at that!

~ Margaret Mitchell

Margaret Mitchell Humour

Today I plan to smile a lot, only so people who know me will be freaked the fuck out.

~ R.d. Ronald

R.d. Ronald Daily Goals Funny Humour Humour Quote Humourosly Inspirational Smile

At first, Maisie had been glad to work with a female crewmember. So much the better to fend off the sneers, leers, and veiled derision of her male majority shipmates. But now she knew better. Karen was here to make neither friends nor feminist stands. She was here to ruin Maisie’s career!

~ Mads Sukalikar

Mads Sukalikar Catfight Humour Lesbian Fiction

There's a limit beyond which one cannot progress. The differences between the limiting abilities of those on successively higher steps of the pyramid are enormous. I have not seen described anywhere the shock a talented man experiences when he finds, late in his academic life, that there are others enormously more talented than he. I have personally seen more tears shed by grown men and women over this discovery than I would have believed possible.

~ Luis W. Alvarez

Luis W. Alvarez Berkeley Humour Physics Science

Most sexually adventurous women want a man who regards cunnilingus as a basic woman right.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Mokokoma Mokhonoana Adventure Adventurous Aphorism Aphorisms Climax Cunnilingus Fellatio Females G Spot Genitals Human Rights Humor Humour Masturbation Oral Sex Orgasm Orgasms Penis Pleasure Relationship Problems Relationship Quotes Relationships Relationships Advice Relationships Quote Relationships Quotes Satire Sex Sexual Intercourse Stimulation Vagina Women

Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies.

~ Lois Greiman

Lois Greiman Chick Lit Chicklit Funny Humour Mystery Women

Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.

~ Lois Greiman

Lois Greiman Chick Lit Funny Humour Mystery Women

The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that, no matter how slowly you go, they will never run after you.

~ Genereux Philip

Genereux Philip Artist Better Black Black Lives Broken Careful Depending Don T Education Faithrelationships Fear Funny God God Hope Happiness Heartbreak Hearts Hoes Humor Humour Inspiration Inspirational Inspirational Quotes Intelligence Knowledge Life Love Matters Never Philosophy Poetry Popping Quotes Raw Religion Romance Science Success Sleep Time Truth Wisdom Writing Your Self Yourself

Fake is the new real,You gotta keep a lot a shit to yourself.

~ Genereux Philip

Genereux Philip Better Black Black Lives Careful Education Faithrelationships Fake Fake Friends Fake People Fear Funny God Hope Happiness Hoes Humor Humour Inspiration Inspirational Inspirational Quotes Intelligence Knowledge Life Love Matters Philosophy Poetry Popping Quotes Raw Real Religion Romance Science Success Time Truth Wisdom Writing Yourself

If an Artist falls in love with you, you will live forever.

~ Genereux Philip

Genereux Philip Artist Better Black Black Lives Careful Don T Education Faithrelationships Fear Forever Funny God Hope Happiness Hoes Humor Humour Inspiration Inspirational Inspirational Quotes Intelligence Knowledge Life Love Matters Philosophy Poetry Popping Quotes Raw Religion Romance Science Success Sleep Time Truth Wisdom Writing Your Self Yourself

If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.

~ Genereux Philip

Genereux Philip Artist Better Black Black Lives Broken Careful Computer Depending Don T Dream Dreaming Education Energy Faithrelationships Fear Funny God God Hope Happiness Heartbreak Hearts Hoes Humor Humour Inspiration Inspirational Inspirational Quotes Intelligence Knowledge Laptop Life Love Lovers Matters Philosophy Poetry Popping Quotes Raw Religion Romance Science Success Sleep Sleeping Time Truth Vibes Wisdom Works Writing Your Self Yourself

If ur laptop doesnt smell like fire then ur losing.

~ Genereux Philip

Genereux Philip Artist Better Black Black Lives Broken Careful Computer Depending Don T Education Faithrelationships Fear Funny God God Hope Happiness Heartbreak Hearts Hoes Humor Humour Inspiration Inspirational Inspirational Quotes Intelligence Knowledge Laptop Life Losing Love Matters Philosophy Poetry Popping Quotes Raw Religion Romance Science Success Sleep Smell Time Truth Wisdom Writing Your Self Yourself

Bitch, if I ain't a G, I'm an OG

~ Genereux Philip

Genereux Philip Artist Better Bitch Black Black Lives Broken Careful Computer Depending Don T Education Faithrelationships Fear Funny G God God Hope Happiness Heartbreak Hearts Hoes Humor Humour Inspiration Inspirational Inspirational Quotes Intelligence Knowledge Laptop Life Love Matters Og Philosophy Poetry Popping Quotes Raw Religion Romance Science Success Sleep Time Truth Wisdom Writing Your Self Yourself

We didn't do anything illegal, All we ever did was be black.. #BlackLivesMatter

~ Genereux Philip

Genereux Philip Better Black Black Lives Black Lives Matter Careful Education Faithrelationships Fear Funny God Hope Happiness Hoes Humor Humour Inspiration Inspirational Inspirational Quotes Intelligence Knowledge Life Love Matters Philosophy Poetry Popping Quotes Raw Religion Romance Science Success Time Truth Wisdom Writing

These Hoes Just Gon Fuck Who Ever Poppin , You Better Be Careful, When you fuck em' Raw!

~ Genereux Philip

Genereux Philip Better Careful Education Faithrelationships Fear Funny God Hope Happiness Hoes Humor Humour Inspiration Inspirational Inspirational Quotes Intelligence Knowledge Life Love Philosophy Poetry Popping Quotes Raw Religion Romance Science Success Time Truth Wisdom Writing

It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up.

~ Karl Pilkington

Karl Pilkington Archaeology Clutter History Humour

a brief history of artCave paintings. Clay then bronze statues. Then for about 1,400 years, people painted nothing except bold but rudimentary pictures of either the Virgin Mary and Child or the Crucifixion. Some bright spark realised that things in the distance looked smaller and the pictures of the Virgin Mary and the Crucifixion improved hugely. Suddenly everyone was good at hands and facial expression and now the statues were in marble. Fat cherubs started appearing, while elsewhere there was a craze for domestic interiors and women standing by windows doing needlework. Dead pheasants and bunches of grapes and lots of detail. Cherubs disappeared and instead there were fanciful, idealised landscapes, then portraits of aristocrats on horseback, then huge canvasses of battles and shipwrecks. Then it was back to women lying on sofas or getting out of the bath, murkier this time, less detailed then a great many wine bottles and apples, then ballet dancers. Paintings developed a certain splodginess - critical term - so that they barely resembled what they were meant to be. Someone signed a urinal, and it all went mad. Neat squares of primary colour were followed by great blocks of emulsion, then soup cans, then someone picked up a video camera, someone else poured concrete, and the whole thing became hopelessly fractured into a kind of confusing, anything-goes free for all.

~ David Nicholls

David Nicholls Art History Humour

We are, or rather our natural desire to evade pain and to attain pleasure is, the primary reason we do or say every single thing we do or say.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Mokokoma Mokhonoana Altruism Charity Compassion Empathy Gene Genes Genie Ghandi Humanity Humor Humour Mahatma Ghandi Mandela Mercy Mother Teresa Motivation Motive Motives Nelson Mandela Pain Philosopher Philosophy Pleasure Satire Satirist Selfish Selfishness Selfless Selflessness Social Criticism Sympathy Teresa Unselfish Unselfishness

Can we just be grateful for beauty & joy, fascination & tolerance, humour & love, nature & grace, and simply release any anger and pains?

~ Jay Woodman

Jay Woodman Anger Grateful Attitude Grateful Quotes Gratefulness Gratefulness Quotes Humour Hurt Joy Love Nature Pain

Reframing your past painful experiences and seeing them in a humorous light takes away the power and emotional charge attached to the memory of the hurtful event.

~ Miya Yamanouchi

Miya Yamanouchi Humour Laugher Laughing Laughter Is He Best Medicine Life Experiences Life Lessons Pain Painful Past

In many cases, it was the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that fell for her man.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Mokokoma Mokhonoana Altruism Charity Compassion Debt Divorce Empathy Fail Failure Feed Food Gene Genes Genie Ghandi Humanity Humor Humour Job Kitchen Loss Love Lover Lovers Mahatma Ghandi Man Mandela Marriage Men Mercy Mortgage Mother Teresa Nelson Mandela Nutrition Occupation Partner Partners Philosopher Philosophy Poverty Rent Rental Satire Satirist Security Selfish Selfishness Selfless Selflessness Social Criticism Spouse Spouses Starvation Stomach Sympathy Teresa Tummy Unemployment Unselfish Unselfishness Woman Women

In some cases, it is the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that has left her man for another.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Mokokoma Mokhonoana Altruism Breakup Breakups Charity Compassion Debt Divorce Empathy Fail Failure Feed Food Gene Genes Genie Ghandi Heart Hearts Humanity Humor Humour Job Kitchen Loss Love Lover Lovers Mahatma Ghandi Man Mandela Marriage Men Mercy Mortgage Mother Teresa Nelson Mandela Nutrition Occupation Partner Partners Philosopher Philosophy Poverty Rent Rental Romance Satire Satirist Security Selfish Selfishness Selfless Selflessness Social Criticism Spouse Spouses Starvation Stomach Sympathy Teresa Tummy Unemployment Unselfish Unselfishness Woman Women

For me to forgive my ex, he would have to sign a marriage contract with his tears and seal it with his blood.

~ Natalya Vorobyova

Natalya Vorobyova Blood Contract Forgiveness Humour Marriage Relationship Seal Sign Silly Tears

Shame on you. Don't tell me you've been married for an hour and you've already got eyes for another woman.

~ Mordecai Richler

Mordecai Richler Celebration Chastisement Debauchery Drunk Honeymoon Humour Marriage Philandering True Love Wedding

I smiled, knowing that Elizabeth, even in the worst of her humours, was far better suited to my own disposition. She would scold me, quarrel with me, torment me, tease me and laugh at me as often as may be.I was the happiest man in the world.

~ Mary Street

Mary Street Disposition Elizabeth Humour Marriage Mr Darcy Quarrel Scold Smile

And one day Amber takes her troll’s dinner down to the cave and finds him—” Rock waved his hands in vague yet thoroughly descriptive motions “—with another lady troll. So she go home and get her club and come back and beat him to death, thump, thump, thump. ’Cos he was her troll and he done her wrong. Is very romantic song.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Humour Music Romance Trolls

Attracting musicians is rather like inviting flies over to tea: they are tolerable for half an hour, but when they begin to touch the food, you either wish they would go home or die.

~ Michelle Franklin

Michelle Franklin Humor Humour Music

We stopped and listened. Just on the cusp of hearing I detected a rhythmic pounding, more a vibration in the concrete than a sound.'Drums,' I said and then because I couldn't resist it. 'Drums in the deep.''Drum and Bass in the deep,' said Kumar.

~ Ben Aaronovitch

Ben Aaronovitch Humour Lord Of The Rings Music

I know about dance, like the creationist knows about science, and typically treat it with a similar contempt

~ Eilian J. Richmond

Eilian J. Richmond Humour Music Science Vs Religion

The shades of colours are splendid.

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Lailah Gifty Akita Admiration Artist Artistic Expression Colours Humour Inspiring Music Nature Uplifting Wisdom Quotes Wise Quotes

A bunch of bad songs, make an awful whine.

~ Benny Bellamacina

Benny Bellamacina Humor Humour Music Philosophy Songs Wisdom Wit

*Prostitution* is a euphemism for rape incidents that the victim and the economy profits from.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Mokokoma Mokhonoana Altruism Charity Compassion Economy Empathy Euphemism Gene Genes Genie Ghandi Humanity Humor Humour Infedelity Mahatma Ghandi Mandela Mercy Money Mother Teresa Nelson Mandela Payment Philosopher Philosophy Poverty Profit Prostitutes Prostitution Rape Rapist Rapists Reward Satire Satirist Selfish Selfishness Selfless Selflessness Social Criticism Sympathy Tax Teresa Unselfish Unselfishness Victim Victims

By the time Albie is my age I will be long gone, or, best-case scenario, barricaded into my living module with enough rations to see out my days. But outside, I imagine vast, unregulated factories where workers count themselves lucky to toil through eighteen-hour days for less than a living wage before pulling on their gas masks to fight their way through the unemployed masses who are bartering with the mutated chickens and old tin-cans that they use for currency, those lucky workers returning to tiny, crowded shacks in a vast megalopolis where a tree is never seen, the air is thick with police drones, where car-bomb explosions, typhoons and freak hailstorms are so commonplace as to be barely remarked upon. Meanwhile, in the literally gilded towers above the carcinogenic smog, the privileged 1 per cent of businessmen, celebrities and entrepeneurs look down through bullet-proof windows, accept coktails in strange glasses from the robot waiters hovering nearby and laugh their tinkling laughs and somewhere, down there in that hellish, stewing mess of violence, poverty and desperation, is my son, Albie Petersen, a wandering minstrel with his guitar and his keen interest in photography, still refusing to wear a decent coat.

~ David Nicholls

David Nicholls Age Family Relationships Fantasy Future Humour Politics Youth

If we all learnt cat-speak, we would often find they are saying, “You stupid human, I am trying to tell you something important right now!

~ Leah Broadby

Leah Broadby Cat Cats Children Children S Books Fantasy Funny Humorous Quotes Humour

Fear of new ideas breeds angry head spiders that have been known to attack.

~ Leah Broadby

Leah Broadby Children S Books Fantasy Funny Humour Philosophy

There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an ‘idea’. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave.

~ Leah Broadby

Leah Broadby Beetles Brain Brain Waves Children Fantasy Fantasy Fiction Funny Humor Humour Philosophy Ya Books

Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.

~ Leah Broadby

Leah Broadby Fantasy Fantasy Books Funny And Random Humorous Quotes Humour

You want fantasy? Here's one... There's this species that lives on a planet a few miles above molten rock and a few miles below a vacuum that'd suck the air right out of them. They live in a brief geological period between ice ages, when giant asteroids have temporarily stopped smacking into the surface. As far as they can tell, there's nowhere else in the universe where they could stay alive for ten seconds. And what do they call their fragile little slice of space and time? They call it real life.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Fantasy Humanity Humour Realism Science Universe

It‘s quite simple, actually.”‖ He thought of a way to explain things to his friend in a language that Dez could understand. “Imagine that Khevala‘s a girl you fancy…”‖“Oh, now that I do understand!”‖“But she‘s put you in the friend zone,”‖ he resumed, unable to stop a little smirk from appearing on his face. “With no benefits of any kind, besides.”‖ The smirk turned into a dry chuckle as he watched the disappointed look that his explanation had put on Dez‘s face. “Only friends, Dez, that‘s it. You can go out with her, enjoy her company all you like, but you‘ll always have to keep your hands to yourself.”‖“I can look but I can‘t touch? Not even a little kiss, every now and then?”‖

~ Tito Barberi Martinez

Tito Barberi Martinez Fantasy Humour

Where was his knife, upon which he relied? He had cut cheese for their noonday meal, and had packed the knife away with the cheese.Aillas said: 'Sir, before we continue with this matter, may I offer you a bite of cheese?''I care for no cheese, though it is an amusing concept.''In that case, allow me a moment while I cut a morsel or two for myself, as I hunger.''I have no time to spare while you eat cheese; prepare instead for death.

~ Jack Vance

Jack Vance Duel Fantasy Humour
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