Famous Quotes

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious.

~ Douglas Adams

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

~ Ashleigh Brilliant

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

~ Bill Watterson

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

~ George Carlin

Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me? I'll try to get one for each of us. Hey! 'If'?

~ James Patterson

We fatties have a bond, dude. It's like a secret society. We got all kinds of shit you don't know about. Handshakes, special fat people dances-we got these secret fugging lairs in the center of the earth and we go down there in the middle of the night when all the skinny kids are sleeping and eat cake and friend chicken and shit. Why d'you think Hollis is still sleeping, kafir? Because we were up all night in the secret lair injecting butter frosting into our veins. ...A fatty trusts another fatty.

~ John Green

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

~ Mel Brooks

-BDB on the board-Knitter's AnonimousMay 8, 2006Rhage (in his bedroom posting in V's room on the board)Hi, my name is V.(Hi, V)I've been knitting for 125 years now.(*gasping noises*)It's begun to impact my personal relationships: my brothers think I'm a nancy. It's begun to affect my health: I'm getting a callus on my forefinger and I find bits of yarn in all my pockets and I'm starting to smell like wool. I can't concentrate at work: I keep picturing all these lessers in Irish sweaters and thick socks.(*sounds of sympathy*)I've come seeking a community of people who, like me, are trying not to knit. Can you help me?(*We're with you*)Thank you (*takes out hand-knitted hankie in pink*)(*sniffles*)(We embrace you, V)Vishous (in the pit): Oh hell no...you did not just put that up. And nice spelling in the title. Man...you just have to roll up on me, don't you. I got four words for you, my brother.Rhage: Four words? Okay...lemme see... Rhage, you're so sexy.hmmm....Rhage, you're SO smart. No wait! Rhage, you're SO right! That's it, isn't it...g'head. You can tell me. Vishous: First one starts with a PUse your head for the other three. Bastard.Rhage: P? Hmm... Please pass the yarnVishous: Payback is a bitch!Rhage: OhhhhhhhhhhhhI'm so scuuuuuurred. Can you whip me up a blanket to hide under?

~ J.r. Ward

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

~ Groucho Marx

I'm the warlock who's here to cure you. Didn't they tell you I was coming?

~ Cassandra Clare

I am Dead, but it's not so bad. I've learned to live with it.

~ Isaac Marion

I don't like lollipops.

~ Eoin Colfer

Are you a female dog?What? Massie asked. Why?

~ Lisi Harrison

In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!

~ Jim Butcher

Graffiti is one of the few tools you have if you have almost nothing. And even if you don't come up with a picture to cure world poverty you can make someone smile while they're having a piss.

~ Banksy

I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry.

~ J.k. Rowling

I planted a kamikaze kiss on Jamie’s cheek.“FUCK,” he shouted, wiping it off. “What if you killed me!” He threw a Skittle at my face. It hit my forehead.“Ow!”“Taste the rainbow bitch.

~ Michelle Hodkin

If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might better stay home.

~ James A. Michener

Nice dress. Take it off.

~ Janet Evanovich

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

~ Mark Twain

If after reading this book you come to my home and brutally murder me, I do not blame you.

~ Jesse Andrews

Your stepfather? I'd like to meet him.Oh no... why?I'm not sure that's a good idea.Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line.Are you ashamed of me?No! It's my turn to sound exasperated. Introduce you to my dad as what? 'This is the man who deflowered me and wants to start a BDSM relationship'. You're not wearing running shoes.

~ E.l. James

Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.

~ Mae West

Adventures are never fun while you're having them.

~ C.s. Lewis

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

~ Eoin Colfer

I want to do it too! (sitting motionless)Nudge: Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church.Max: (muttering) Appropriately enough.Iggy: What about me? (stands still)Max: No, you're visible.Iggy: Am not!Max: (throws a pinecone at him) Could I do that if I wouldn't see you?

~ James Patterson

You have something on your neck. What Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway? Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head. And ran into a vampire What? No! I fell. On your neck?

~ Cassandra Clare

I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.

~ P.g. Wodehouse

You leave me tied up like a dog? Then you had better remember that this bitch bites!

~ Kresley Cole

I still don't belong to anyone - I am mine.

~ Morrissey

[In the Universe it may be that] Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth.

~ Stephen Hawking

I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.

~ Douglas Adams

The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope.

~ Robin Mckinley

When someone tells you somebody’s been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference.But laughing is exactly what I did.

~ Rachel Hawkins

I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.

~ Jane Austen

For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually, I had to give it up. Throughout the next twenty-two years I lay still and discovered that after a few minutes I could drop off with no problem. Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it’s funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own. Often I never even made it to the bed. I’d squat down to pet the cat and wake up on the floor eight hours later, having lost a perfectly good excuse to change my clothes. I’m now told that this is not called “going to sleep” but rather “passing out,” a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.

~ David Sedaris

Anxiety's like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you very far.

~ Jodi Picoult

I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on.

~ A.a. Milne

why can't you see i'm a kid', said the kid.Why try to make me like you?Why are you hurt when I don't cuddle?Why do you sigh when I splash through a puddle?Why do you scream when I do what I did?Im a kid.

~ Shel Silverstein

Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.No hope, no harm; just another false alarm

~ Morrissey