Humor Quotes

I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald.

~ Nicole Mckay

Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it.

~ Sophie Kinsella

That's not a bad word...hate and war are bad words, but fuck isn't.

~ Judy Blume

Anything that doesn't take years of your life and drive you to suicide hardly seems worth doing.

~ Cormac Mccarthy

I can chase you, and I can catch you,but there is nothing I can do to make you mine.

~ Morrissey

...Life is much simpler if you don’t notice anything....

~ Tom Upton

I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.

~ Bauvard

Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent.

~ Glen Cook

Rock 'n' roll is not red carpets and MySpace friends, rock'n'roll is dangerous and should piss people off

~ Gerard Way

Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either.

~ Elizabeth Zimmermann

The trick. . .is to find the balance between the bright colors of humor and the serious issues of identity, self-loathing, and the possibility for intimacy and love when it seems no longer possible or, sadder yet, no longer necessary.

~ Wendy Wasserstein

After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”“You do have that effect on people.

~ Darynda Jones

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

~ Jeff Foxworthy

I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.

~ Amy Sommers

I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead

~ Michael Summers

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

~ Stephen Colbert

I had a dream about you last night... you kept meowing at people and licking yourself it was not unlike you normally.

~ Nicole Mckay

All art is but dirtying the paper delicately.

~ John Ruskin

I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.

~ Criss Jami

I hate when people say 'I see'. It doesn't mean anything and I think it's hostile. Whenever anyone tells me 'I see' I think they're really saying 'Fuck you'.

~ Peter Cameron

My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That’s enough, I myself choose my way

~ Ali Shariati

Please, touch me, I pray.

~ Jess C. Scott

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

~ Roman Payne

I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.

~ Bauvard

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

~ George Carlin

Now this might disturb you, but I find I'm OK by myself;and I don't need you or your benevolence to make sense.

~ Morrissey

I had a dream about you last night. The best day of my life was when I taught you how to juggle, but the best day of yours was when you taught someone else.

~ Michael Summers

Those guys who want to have the Mohawk...which, to me, is the new business casual.

~ Gerard Way

It is easier to tell a person what life is not, rather than to tell them what it is. A child understands weeds that grow from lack of attention, in a garden. However, it is hard to explain the wild flowers that one gardener calls weeds, and another considers beautiful ground cover.

~ Shannon L. Alder

I was wasting my time, praying for love.For a love that never comes, from someone who does not exist.

~ Morrissey

I'm dealing with a lot of scary things. I think you have to react to them. And you either laugh at them or you go insane.

~ Jim Butcher

Some of us go full circle. Some of us blindly go nowhere. The circle doesn’t have to be very large to make a point, kick your ass and/or be entertaining. Remember that and stay light. Even the deaf know good music when they hear it.

~ Jason Mraz

I had a dream about you last night.. You were playing with chicken livers and told me everyone was in quarantine.

~ Amy Sommers

Тo me, the future doesn’t seem real. It’s just this magical place where I can put my responsibilities so that I don’t have to be scared while hurtling toward failure at eight hundred miles per hour.

~ Allie Brosh

I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple

~ Nicole Mckay

It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

~ Lewis Carroll

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

~ Thomas Szasz

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

~ Isaac Asimov

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

~ A.a. Milne

So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.

~ Dr. Seuss