Humour Quotes

Bijli fails in the dead of night / Won’t help to call “I need a light” / You’re in Karachi now / Oh, oh you’re in Karachi now. / Night is falling and you just cant see / Is this illusion or KESC / You’re in Karachi now

~ Kamila Shamsie

Never trust a person whose smile doesn't reach their eyes, chances are they do similar thing when they cry - Just be sure you have that OSCAR ready next time they do this

~ Paul Isaacs

You want the truth? I’ve been fucked and betrayed often enough to not trust anybody. And that includes you.” Frank shrugged. “Don’t take it personal.”“Join the club. We meet Tuesdays. We never share the location with each other, and we show up armed.

~ Aleksandr Voinov

In some rare cases, a friendship between two people benefits both of them, and what’s more, in some rarer cases, it benefits both of them equally.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Who's he seeing now then?No idea. They're like funfair goldfish; no point giving them names, they never last that long.

~ David Nicholls

You should visit the Palatine. It's at the top of that hill . . .I know where the Palatine is, Dexter, I was visiting Rome before you were born.Yes, who was emperor back then?

~ David Nicholls

If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first.

~ Honeya

Try me, and you will start LOVING..!!

~ Nikhil Anubhav Minz

Think before you speak, unless it's urgent

~ Benny Bellamacina

Mark Spitz didn't ask about Harry. You never asked about the characters that disappeared from a Last Night story. You knew the answer. The plague had a knack for narrative closure.

~ Colson Whitehead

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.

~ Jonathan Tropper

Waiting for a book to be published is like having a baby. It would be nine months before we heard the patter of tiny pages trotting through the letter box, and the bookcase shuffled it's shelves in boredom and I was a martyr to morning sickness.

~ Deric Longden

Hopeless. Freak. Elephant. Pitiful

~ Donna Cooner

Life is a circus: you go in, bow, run around, bow again and leave.

~ Storm Petersen

She's become a Russian again, he thought. When something works, she's grateful. When it doesn't work, it's life.

~ John Le Carré

Some of our friends are our friends only because we used to be friends.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I hate smug people.”Ros laughed. “That you do. And so you’re using his phone. He’ll explode, you know.”“Oh, it’ll be bad. ‘Cause I made all the phone calls on my list.”There was a pause. “No. You didn’t.”“I did.”“Fifty-one phone calls on the off-limits phone?” “Yup.”“Did you fall down the stairs or something? What is wrong with you?!

~ Kelly Batten

Usually after a good puke you feel better right away. We hugged each other and then said good-bye and went off to opposite ends of the hall to lie down in our own rooms. There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.

~ Sylvia Plath

One of these days, I would doubt the Gardeners a little too much and Zach was going to play handball with my head.

~ Aron Christensen

I’ve been living on the edge for so long, my friends call me Cliff

~ Benny Bellamacina

The other day, a friend of a friend said that everyone started out as girls, but boys evolved… But don’t worry girls, I hit him.

~ Ben Mitchell

I won’t have you calling me Miss Tuttle. That’s what the doc calls me. And the lady at the bank. One takes my temperature and the other my money. Friends don’t take anything—they give.

~ Diane Lynn Mcgyver

Females and boys are the only creatures that propose others for friendship. As for the rest of us, friendship sort of just happens.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Gentlemen do not carry a cane or a hat? No gloves?”“Gentleman may still wear them, but I’m afraid the problem is that there aren’t many left.

~ Camilla Isley

Women are almost two thirds more likely than men to believe in God, a major study of attitudes among middle aged Britons has found, says The Telegraph. Well, men are twice more likely than God to believe in women! (At least that was so in the Garden of Eden)

~ R. N. Prasher

The official recruiting process for their posse began. Because Carlos, Narc, and Trevor each had high SQs, Heeb and Evan reasoned that adding the three to their group would raise the average SQ of each group member (much the way that colleges recruit individuals with higher test scores to increase the average test scores of their matriculated students).

~ Zack Love

What’s a TH?”“A Traffic Hazard,” Heeb clarified.“Oh you mean because the woman is so hot she’ll take your eyes off the road?” Narc confirmed.“Exactly.

~ Zack Love

What’s SQ?” asked Evan.“Sexual Quotient.”“What’s that?”“Basically, it’s your odds of getting laid. Everyone has an SQ. just like everyone has an IQ.”“I’ve never heard that term before.”“That’s because I made it up.”“That figures. Finally applying your actuarial skills to what really matters, eh?

~ Zack Love

Oh. Well was this your first time painting a live model?”She nodded her head, with an almost guilty look on her face.“What’s it like?”“Hard,” she replied.

~ Zack Love

And as their penile pain began to subside, the two men were able to form more complex thoughts, resulting in a collaborative work: the development of a worldview that might be described as “penilosophy.

~ Zack Love

I look in the glass sometimes at my two long, cylindrical bags (so picturesquely rugged about the knees), my stand-up collar and billycock hat, and wonder what right I have to go about making God's world hideous. Then wild and wicked thoughts come into my heart. I don't want to be good and respectable. (I never can be sensible, I'm told; so that don't matter.) I want to put on lavender-colored tights, with red velvet breeches and a green doublet slashed with yellow; to have a light-blue silk cloak on my shoulder, and a black eagle's plume waving from my hat, and a big sword, and a falcon, and a lance, and a prancing horse, so that I might go about and gladden the eyes of the people. Why should we all try to look like ants crawling over a dust-heap? Why shouldn't we dress a little gayly? I am sure if we did we should be happier. True, it is a little thing, but we are a little race, and what is the use of our pretending otherwise and spoiling fun? Let philosophers get themselves up like old crows if they like. But let me be a butterfly.

~ Jerome K. Jerome

Men are mystifying creatures. For instance why do all men think their penis is a panacea for all the world’s problems?

~ Tyne O'connell

Men like fun much more than they like clever

~ Mhairi Mcfarlane

Let's put it like this; men like Berkley, like me, we don't get a no for an answer, a girl who says no is like a... like a unicorn, and we all want to **** the unicorn!

~ C.s. James

That Damon Matthews,” Linda spat. “You know, take one letter out of his name and it spells ‘ damn’ as in ‘damn, that kid’s a worthless sonovabitch’.

~ Kristen Ashley

Your brother was a terrible traitor, I know, but if we start killing men at weddings they’ll be even more frightened of marriage than they are presently.

~ George R.r. Martin

Okay, guys. Stop it. Are you going to start peeing on me to mark your territory?

~ Maegan Lynn Moores

The wild women in his lap,' my father enthused, 'laying their breasts on his head.'There was a moment of stunned silence. Then my mother spoke slowly, with an edge to her voice. 'I think you mean wild beasts laying their heads in his lap.''Do I?

~ Patrick Rothfuss

If you want a man who's commited, go look in a mental hospital.

~ Alexandra Potter

A firm's income statement may be, likened to a bikini-what it reveals is interesting but what it conceals is vital.

~ Burton G. Malkiel