Joke Quotes

There is a somewhat time-worn joke about people taking up library work because they like to read : the joke consisting of the fact that librarians have so little time to read. But, I tell you, those who do not, and there are some, are in the wrong profession.

~ Mary Virginia Provines

When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I cannot really trust it and I am not taking the risk of circulating my naked photos around.

~ M.f. Moonzajer

I'm the most famous person, problem is people don't know it yet…

~ Kevin Focke

At my urgent request the Curie laboratory, in which radium was discovered a short time ago, was shown to me. The Curies themselves were away travelling. It was a cross between a stable and a potato-cellar, and, if I had not seen the worktable with the chemical apparatus, I would have thought it a practical joke.(Wilhelm Ostwald on seeing the Curie's laboratory facilities.)

~ Wilhelm

On Mars, the joke went, a man’s hole was his castle where values of castle approached dorm room.

~ James S.a. Corey

Alecto… what do you think would happen if people found out about you? Your abilities, your life, Mearth’s super 8 films, those powers of yours… how would they react?”“I don’t know,” said Alecto, “but ordinary people like a show, especially when it’s a disturbing one. They enjoy seeing misery… probably because it allows them to pretend that they themselves are not so miserable, too. Also, they would probably find out about you, how you know about Personifications, how you saw the films… they would put us in cages and throw peanuts at us, I guess.”“All joking aside, Alecto.…”“Who is joking, Mandy Valems?

~ Rebecca Mcnutt

Life as a private investigator, slash bounty hunter wasn’t all Gary Beck wanted it to be. There weren’t any big mansions on a palm beach owned by an affluent writer generous enough to let him live rent-free and use his spare Ferrari. But then you have to ask yourself, what could you expect living on a planet like Deanna? As a third-rate colony in the Terran Empire, Deanna had more than its fair share of dull moments. It orbits a star called Ramalama. If you think that’s funny, Deanna’s two moons are called Ding and Dong, respectively (this is a local joke) and one of them falls down occasionally.

~ Christina Engela

What did the zombie say to the whore? Keep the tip!

~ Diana Rowland

I hear sweets help these kind of things, too…” -Jared“What kind of things is that?” -April“I don’t know.” He shrugs before adding, “Woman troubles, heartbreak, Twilight ending? Whatever bugs your mind.”-Jared

~ Sheena Hutchinson

If you have a problem with me, it is OK, because Mullah Omar does too.

~ M.f. Moonzajer

Being a Muslim is not a joke but a challenge. If you think it is, come and live in Pakistan where you will know about Muslims' enemies around the globe

~ Faisal Nawaz Maitlo

If you were to ask Jarod Kintz‬‬‬ what his personal favourite joke was, he'd say the one with the island. The big one next to New Zealand.-Stefan D and Jarod Kintz

~ Stefan D

The inmates made jokes about the chair, the way people always make jokes about things that frighten them but can't be gotten away from.

~ Stephen King

My favorite people are the ones that can make any unfunny joke hilarious by just laughing.

~ Ziad K. Abdelnour

He who makes fun of a short and fat man’s weight is much less cruel than he who makes fun of his height.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I never stopped joking around long enough to realize you weren't laughing anymore.

~ Alexandra Potter

This two quotes make me laughAndre Linoge: Born in lust, turn to dust. Born in sin, COME ON IN. (Stephen King on Storm of the Century)We are on location, not on vacation(Unnatural 2015 Film)Everyday when I read it or I repeat it makes me laugh it's kind a joke. The first one is a killer joke, the second one is...(you guess from who is this joke!)

~ Deyth Banger

Why do we have to humiliate someone to crack a joke??? Do what u would like people to do with u..

~ Honeya

Once I knew what I was doingI was there and with it,I had the total knowing.I Googled God and orgasmedAt the amount of Gods andMonsters out there posted about.

~ Initially No

A joke's a very serious thing.

~ Charles Churchill

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

~ Alan King

The key to gallows humor is to make the joke, no matter how certain the gallows is.

~ James Adomian

The whole westward expansion myth is seen as romantic. But it's a joke, a blot on American history.

~ Frank Waters

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

~ Muhammad Ali

I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature.

~ Patty Duke

It would be a bitter cosmic joke if we destroy ourselves due to atrophy of the imagination.

~ Martha Gellhorn

The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it.

~ P. J. O'rourke

I used to joke that if acting didn't work out, poetry was my commonsense fallback.

~ Merritt Wever

It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.

~ Karl Pilkington