Funny And Random Quotes

Is that a rule? Do you have a rule that you can’t kiss people in the morning?

~ Holly Hood

If he didn't want to be mauled by a sex-starved woman who hadn't gotten any skin in months, he'd better keep his hands to himself.

~ Jody Wallace

If someone loves sweet things and constantly eats angel´s hair tartlets should this be diagnosed as having some sort of heavenly trichotillomania?

~ Ana Claudia Antunes

Afternoon experience: autographing exposed legs, outstretched in lines like matchsticks. Afternoon epiphany: Those with smooth, hairless legs would soon lose all evidence of my contact when the sweat causes the ink from the marker to run. I am ephemeral. Skepticism would be the reaction to those with thick leg hair, as their curls frazzle the lines of my name outward illegibly. Among the scaly-legged, I flaked off immediately, like I never was at all.

~ Benson Bruno

There is no logic in logics except an illogical logic.

~ Santosh Kalwar

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired?

~ Christy Leigh Stewart

People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required.

~ Wes Adamson

I bet the very first piñata was surprised. “Oh, hey a party! Cool! What’s the occa— HEY, WHAT THE HELL, KID?

~ Jessica Park

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow

~ Josh Stern

Come Hell or High Water usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

~ Josh Stern

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

~ Josh Stern

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

~ Josh Stern

The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification

~ Josh Stern

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

~ Josh Stern

Darling Daddy,Poor Saffy. She had a big fight in the boys toilets on Monday, did you know? A very big fight and Sarah helped and it was terrifying. Said a boy in my class who has a brother who was there.Saffy washed her hands and said Never Ever Never Dare You Touch My Brother. (Indigo). And the plug holes were blocked with hair.Love from Rose.-Sarah's mother has given us soup. Soup soup soup and then it was all gone.L.F.R.

~ Hilary Mckay

Possibility of enjoying life makes death feel terrible.

~ Santosh Kalwar

Hasn’t stopped us before. And besides, if they wanted to kill us, we’d be dead by now and would be having an entirely different conversation. I wonder if I’d still be mad at you, or if we would talk in words or pictures. Maybe in smells. That would be cool.” -Janco

~ Maria V. Snyder

The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I shook my head. “I thought you had a ‘No princesses’ rule.”“Rules are made to be broken,” said Grimm.Ari sat back in the chair, her eyes closed.“Of course, young lady, there’s the matter of how we sign our contracts.”“Not gonna happen.” Ari threw a pen at the mirror for emphasis.

~ J.c. Nelson

IN MY DEFENSE, I didn’t mean to start the Apocalypse. It wasn’t just my personal aversion to oblivion; I had a clear financial motive: The end of the world is bad for business.

~ J.c. Nelson

She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch.

~ Nenia Campbell

I've purged myself of worldly goods, half my stuff is either being sold or going to charity. I need to go shopping.

~ Christy Leigh Stewart

If you want to say, Lucia, there is no inside of the park benches, I won’t argue with you. But, then you have to say where the pigeons come from.

~ Jesse Ball

Please follow these instructions:1. Stack the pages of this letter neatly. 2. Roll the pages up into a cylinder. 3. Smack yourself over the head with it. 4. Repeat. You complete ass.

~ Leah Thomas

Some people are born to fandom, others have fandom thrust upon them.

~ Nenia Campbell

Is this about what happened to you and the old Sector 7?” I asked with a growl of my own.His hands tightened their grip on my shoulders. “How did you know about that?” “Tabby-Chan told me.”“Freaking Meko-Chan,” Kuroi uttered, “I swear, that kid is gonna get it. What did she tell you, exactly?”“She told me not to tell you that she told me what you told her.” I realized what I said. “Oops.” ~Luna's POV, Clash of the Clans: Shinobi 7 Companion Book #1

~ L. Benitez

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?ME: MATH.

~ Kanyaacoffman

Care to explain?” Ari asked.“Didn’t you see my signals?”“Yeah. But they didn’t make sense. Five into one and it’s an intrusion.”“It’s an illusion! Five of them are an illusion.”“That’s not the signal for illusion. This is.” Ari demonstrated the proper signal.“That’s what I did.”“No, you didn’t. You did a weird twisty thing with your pinky.”“I had a scimitar at my throat. I’d like to see you try signaling under those conditions.”-Janco and Ari bickering

~ Maria V. Snyder

You keep the title of 'president' even if you served only one term. The same goes for rapists.

~ Christy Leigh Stewart

She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny.

~ Elizabeth Gaskell

Halt regarded him. He loved Horace like a younger brother. Even like a second son, after will. He admired his skill with a sword and his courage in battle. But sometimes, just sometimes, he felt an overwhelming desire to ram the young warrior's head against a convenient tree.

~ John Flanagan

Never make eye contact with a stranger when you’re having a churro.

~ Rucy Ban