Funny Quotes

You have the maturity of a 14-year-old boy!“ Kennedy hisses.And you have the chest of one.

~ Emma Chase

And I'm sure than in Poland, or somewhere, it is considered cool to drive a Porsche and wear necklaces and black silk, but at least back in Brooklyn if you did those things you were either a drug dealer or from New Jersey.

~ Meg Cabot

Belatedly, I notice how much easier it is to walk on these sticks when you can't feel your legs. Lesson number one for hooch wear, be drunk. It might make dancing more of a challenge, but I wasn't feeling a thing and it was beautiful.

~ Harper Sloan

she committed suicide by putting her extremities down the garbage disposal-first one arm and then, kind of miraculously if you think about it, the other arm.

~ David Foster Wallace

Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady?

~ Molly Harper

You said you'd give me half an hour!''And you said you'd satisfy me whenever I wanted it. I want it now.' He removed is jacket. 'Drop the towel.''I-I never agreed to be naked!

~ Kresley Cole

I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

~ Libba Bray

Setting out around midnight, I couldn't help shaking my head, We're the goddamned hottest vampire hunters ever. I muttered.

~ Richelle Mead

Anything for you, Dru. And I mean it. Now, be quiet and let me concentrate.

~ Lili St. Crow

Demon pox, oh demon poxJust how is it acquired?One must go down to the bad part of townUntil one is very tired.Demon pox, oh demon pox, I had it all along—Not the pox, you foolish blocks,I mean this very song—For I was right, and you were wrong!

~ Cassandra Clare

It was like hiking into a Hemingway story everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext.

~ Leslie What

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.

~ Fran Lebowitz

She whistled when she noticed my back. I assume because of my injuries. I mean, my ass just isn't that spectacular.

~ Lish Mcbride

I like eggs and bacon,” George tells me. “But”—his face clouds—“do you know that bacon is”—tears leap to his eyes—“Wilbur?” Mrs. Garrett sits down next to him immediately. “George, we’ve been through this. Remember? Wilbur did not get made into bacon.” “That’s right.” I bend down too as wetness overflows George’s lashes. “Charlotte the spider saved him. He lived a long and happy life—with Charlotte’s daughters, um, Nelly and Urania and—” “Joy,” Mrs. Garrett concludes. “You, Samantha, are a keeper. I hope you don’t shoplift.”I start to cough. “No. Never.” “Then is bacon Babe, Mom? Is it Babe?”“No, no, Babe’s still herding sheep. Bacon is not Babe. Bacon is only made from really mean pigs,George.” Mrs. Garrett strokes his hair, then brushes his tears away.“Bad pigs,” I clarify.“There are bad pigs?” George looks nervous. Oops.“Well, pigs with, um, no soul.” That doesn’t sound good either. I cast around for a good explanation. “Like the animals that don’t talk in Narnia.” Dumb. George is four. Would he know Narnia yet? He’s still at Curious George.But understanding lights his face. “Oh. That’s okay then. ’Cause I really like bacon.

~ Huntley Fitzpatrick

Is that all you bought?” His eyes shot to the left. “Um.” I clenched my teeth. “What else?” “A Super Mega Juicer,” he said quickly. “But, Sabina, seriously that juicer is a miracle machine.” “I’m a vampire, Giguhl. The only liquids I drink are blood and alcohol. I don’t do juice.

~ Jaye Wells

I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin.

~ Libba Bray

this was business.

~ Eoin Colfer

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

~ Hillary Rodham Clinton

You’re not the only one in this relationship who loves achallenge,” he says. “And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chipcookies warm and soft in the middle . . . and without magnets glued to them.

~ Simone Elkeles

What kind of good deeds? Like Girl Scouts? Because I got kicked out of Brownies and they won't give me another chance to keep my clothes on at camp.

~ Haven Kimmel

Everything has taken on a strange, distant quality - the sounds of running and shouting outside get warped and weird like they're being filtered through water, and Alex looks miles away. I start to think I might be dreaming, or about to pass

~ Lauren Oliver

Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.

~ Cassandra Clare

No headboards were broken.

~ John Green

Why were you watching me change? I explain. Uh, 'cause I'm a guy? He flips the pillow and slaps it, fluffing it. Then he rolls over and closes his eyes again.

~ Miranda Kenneally

They really hate you, yes they do. They hate everyone, how 'bout you?

~ Kami Garcia

I ain't never seen a creature like that before, she says. He's so smart, he's-More, like a person than a bird? I says.Yeah, she says. That's it.Whatever you do, I says, don't tell him that. I'll never hear the end of it.

~ Moira Young

I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursely.

~ J.k. Rowling

Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?

~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

You don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don't have major emotional disorders are really very dull.

~ Maryjanice Davidson

And you'd think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't. It just- it just makes them dead.

~ Joe Walker

Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel.

~ Lloyd Alexander

Her eyes went so wide they nearly bulged. It was probably wrong of me to find that amusing. Or to want to take a photo of Nicholas with his fangs out and wearing a black cape lined with red satin and then hang it over my pillow in a heart-shaped frame.

~ Alyxandra Harvey

We were talking about the prince,' Sansa said, her voice soft as a kiss.Arya knew which prince she meant: Joffrey, of course. The tall, handsome one. Sansa got to sit with him at the feast. Arya had to sit with the little fat one. Naturally.

~ George R.r. Martin

If you're going to be a superhero, can I be your sidekick? -AprilWhat? -GraceThe Dynamic Duo! -AprilUm, I'm pretty sure sidekicks have to have super powers, too. -GraceOh Yeah... Okay, but you can always use an Alfred. AprilMy Alfred? -GraceOh come on Please I can help you design gadgets and stuff. Oh! I can design you outfits for crime fighting! -April *sigh* Okay. Sure. But no spandex -Grace

~ Bree Despain

Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.

~ Bauvard

I stuff another handful of Raisinets in my mouth. What gets me is the 'pretty face' bit. 'Cause I won't mind being reminded I'm fat as long as you water it down first. Why not say, Hey I'm going to insult you, but first I will congratulate your fortunate genetics and appropriate appliclation of Bobbi Brown cosmetics to prevent you from hitting me. Sh*t; I kind of prefer being called a 'fat bitch.' At least it doesn't pull any punches.

~ Jen Lancaster

I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.

~ Bauvard

He's like a man with a fork, in a world of soup. (about his brother Liam)

~ Noel Gallagher

She's Prim's size in diameter.

~ Suzanne Collins

Most aspects of my training didn’t agree with me. There wasn’t as much bossing around as I’d hoped for, and there was way too much following orders.

~ Rachel Vincent