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Humor Quotes

Humor quote from classy quote

I think I think, therefore I think I probably am.

~ David F. Porteous

David F. Porteous Humor Identity Mind Philosophy

My mind is like clay, but thank goodness God knows how to mold it!

~ Mary Kate

Mary Kate Creative God Humor Inspiration Mind Mold Thought

I treat my thoughts like an old person treats their valuables: I cannot for the life of me proceed to throwing them out.

~ Criss Jami

Criss Jami Artist Belief Brain Cognition Confession Consideration Creativity Creed Death Discard Funny Funny But True Habits Honesty Humor Instinct Intellectual Intuition Irrational Knowledge Life Logic Mind Negativity Old Habits Old Person Opinion Original Thought Positivity Precious Psychology Rational Rationalization Sentimental Stubborn Think Thinker Thinking Thought Thoughts Tradition Treasure Valuable Wisdom

To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make!

~ Criss Jami

Criss Jami Constructive Criticism Criticism Doubt Faith Funny Funny But True Grace Hope Humor Hypocrisy Life Mercy Mind Negativity Optimism Pessimism Positivity Realist Success Thoughts

And when they dusted my mind for your fingerprints they found yours.

~ Shannon L. Alder

Shannon L. Alder Cops Criminals Fingerprints Forensics Humor Love Mind Poetry Poets Prose

My mind didn't clear. It had been clear before. Instead it muddled, suddenly ablaze with rioting factions of insecurities and dreams, a cacophonous battleground of conflicting moral codes and dogma. I was, therefore, back to normal.

~ David Wong

David Wong Human Condition Humor Mind Philosophy

Philosophers, Poets and Fools have similar Consciousness

~ Amit Gupta

Amit Gupta Consciousness Fools Funny Humor Life Mind Philosophy Poets Thinking

Thinking is good for your mind, but too much thinking leads to distraction.

~ Ehabib

Ehabib Humor Identity Inspirational Intelligence Mind Peace Of Mind Perception Spritual Thinking

We will ensure a place for you in heaven, but we will make this place a hell. Religious exploitersFollow us for a greater economy and other superficial dreams, and we will make sure it never happens, ever. Political ClassI search for happiness in all the wrong places because I have been conditioned to believe that happiness is somewhere outside (can't find it within). Common ManYou are absolutely free to do anything only if you do what we say. Society

~ Saurabh Sharma

Saurabh Sharma Brainwashing Capitilism Common Man Free Will Human Nature Humor Inner Quest Mind Politics Religious Exploiters Society

It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing

~ Josh Stern

Josh Stern Absurd Communication Conversations Failure Funny Humor Mind People Relationships Sarcasm Sarcastic

Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down

~ Josh Stern

Josh Stern Absurd Communication Conversations Funny Humor Mind People Relationships Sarcasm

The mind likes a strange idea as little as the body likes a strange protein and resists it with similar energy. It would not perhaps be too fanciful to say that a new idea is the most quickly acting antigen known to science. If we watch ourselves honestly we shall often find that we have begun to argue against a new idea even before it has been completely stated.

~ Wilfred Trotter

Wilfred Trotter Antigen Energy Funny Humor Ideas Mind Neurosurgery Pioneer New Ideas Protein Science Scientist Strange Surgeon

I always have my reasons, even when I don't know what they are.

~ Eric Micha'el Leventhal

Eric Micha'el Leventhal Awareness Conscious Mind Consciousness Humor Ignorance Know Thyself Knowledge Mind Motivation Psychology Reason Self Awareness Self Knowledge Subconscious Subconscious Mind

Life never goes according to plan. That's okay, because often our plans are much smaller than life intends. Probably EASIER, but smaller.

~ Stacey T. Hunt

Stacey T. Hunt According Body Easy Humor Inspirational Intends Life Living Mind Plan Plans Small Soul Spirit

So-called intellectuals have ego-power, Fools have willpower.

~ Saurabh Sharma

Saurabh Sharma Ego Humor Inspirational Attitude Mind Motivation

DETOX your mind, body, AND your contact list.

~ Supanova Slom

Supanova Slom Balance Being Body Cleaning Cleanliness Cleansing Contact Detox Family Friends Happiness Healthy Healthy Lifestyle Home Humor Humor Inspirational Inspirational Joy Life Love Meditation Mind Motivational Peace Relationships Social Space Spirit Teens Transformation Wellness Wisdom

You’re an English major, aren't you?” “Hey!” Immediately retreating, Keith swatted at him with a dishcloth. “Leave my brain alone. It’s resting.” “Sorry, sorry.” He leaned away, hands up to display his surrender. “I didn't mean it, I take it back.” “You’d better

~ Matthew Haldeman-Time

Matthew Haldeman-Time Brain Humor Mind Study

I don’t want to be your snack, your chew-toy, your fuck-buddy. Find a vampire to sink your fang into.

~ Nalini Singh

Nalini Singh Guild Hunter Humor Power Sex Vampires

The people who must never have power are the humorless. To impossible certainties of rectitude they ally tedium and uniformity.

~ Christopher Hitchens

Christopher Hitchens Humor Power Totalitarianism Tyranny

Do I look like I want to be eaten alive after sex?

~ Nalini Singh

Nalini Singh Humor Power Sex

There are times when your body takes control. Times when the gazelle says, ‘Fuck you, lioness,’ and delivers the biggest kick of its whole gazelley life.

~ Harry Bingham

Harry Bingham Bullies Humor Power

I have never been able to understand how men can feel affection for individuals who are intent on massacring them in a variety of unpleasant ways, but it is an undeniable fact that they can and do. Witness the immortal verse of Mr. Kipling: So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'home in the Soudan; You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man! One can only accept this as another example of the peculiar emotional aberrations of the male sex.

~ Elizabeth Peters

Elizabeth Peters Aggression Aggressiveness Humor Inexplicable Ways Machismo Men Power Warlike

If I have a spreadsheet that can, whatever, turn soup cans into gold, wouldn't I deserve an office?

~ Charlie Close

Charlie Close Creativity Humor Power Work

Unless you're in an early seventies-era Eagles cover band, a founding member of a religious cult, or sleeping under a bridge in Seattle, lose the beard and get a haircut. Power doesn't have time for any form of hirsute hipster self expression.

~ Ari Gold

Ari Gold Beard Funny Humor Power Rules To Rule By Success The Gold Standard Work

But in this case,” he continues, tracing the line of the plasterwork with one finger, “I feel that there is one cliché that sums up my position so admirably that it would be pure egotism to attempt a more interesting periphrasis. Plain speaking, therefore, there is to be.“There is undoubtedly a strong possibility, notwithstanding the vagaries of contingency and misfortune, that my son mighthave fallen—or might, we could say, have voluntarily jumped, in accordance with the ethical codes with which he has been brought up—for a play you have made with some success, although, as I am persuaded you would concede, very little originality.”Plain speaking if you’re Henry James, perhaps.

~ Deborah Meyler

Deborah Meyler Circumlocution Class Difference Class Divide Henry James Humor In Laws Jamesian Menace Misogyny Plain Speaking Power Relationships

Ya were going to turn me into a rat? Had I known that I wouldn’t have tried to turn ya into a snake.

~ Michelle M. Pillow

Michelle M. Pillow Friends Humor Love Potions Macgregor Magic Power Scottish Spell Walk Of Shame Warlock Witchcraft

Do not pay attention to my cousins. Every family needs a couple idiots and we keep them around for entertainment.

~ Michelle M. Pillow

Michelle M. Pillow Friends Humor Love Potions Macgregor Magic Power Scottish Spell Walk Of Shame Warlock Witchcraft

Lydia had been fantasizing about him to the point she nearly drove him insane with it. It had taken four days for his energy to weaken inside her enough that he could go and visit her without fear she would throw him across the town in a gust of wind, and thus cause a scene. Although, getting run out of town after one day would be a new MacGregor record.

~ Michelle M. Pillow

Michelle M. Pillow Friends Humor Love Potions Macgregor Magic Power Scottish Spell Walk Of Shame Warlock Witchcraft

There ya are.” Erik grinned at her as he came bounding down the steps two at a time. He stepped around his statue of a sister as if such a thing were normal. Perhaps here it was. He paused, nodding at Malina. “Morning, banshee.” He gave a small brotherly laugh and poked his thumb toward her face. “She does kind of look like a banshee with her hair flying around like that and her mouth all open. Yeah, ma froze her good. See how her eyes don’t move?” Erik leaned closer to her and grinned as he looked into her mouth. “Ha, Euann put a mint in there.

~ Michelle M. Pillow

Michelle M. Pillow Friends Humor Love Potions Macgregor Magic Power Scottish Spell Walk Of Shame Warlock Witchcraft

Ly-di-ah! I sit beneath your window, laaaass, singing ’cause I loooove your a—”“For the love of St. Francis of Assisi, someone call a vet. There is an injured animal screaming in pain outside,” Charlotte interrupted the flow of music in ill-humor.

~ Michelle M. Pillow

Michelle M. Pillow Friends Humor Love Potions Macgregor Magic Power Scottish Spell Walk Of Shame Warlock Witchcraft

A stóirín, ya are a handful of trouble, but I kind of like it.

~ Michelle M. Pillow

Michelle M. Pillow Friends Humor Love Potions Macgregor Magic Power Scottish Spell Walk Of Shame Warlock Witchcraft

He kissed the corner of her lips before whispering by her ear, “And that was just my hand, love.

~ Michelle M. Pillow

Michelle M. Pillow Friends Humor Love Potions Macgregor Magic Power Scottish Spell Walk Of Shame Warlock Witchcraft

He’s not wearing…” Charlotte began.“I know. He doesn’t,” Lydia answered.

~ Michelle M. Pillow

Michelle M. Pillow Friends Humor Love Potions Macgregor Magic Power Scottish Spell Walk Of Shame Warlock Witchcraft

The world is drowning in weirdness and lies......and here we are, so used to it that we're actually bored!

~ Inio Asano

Inio Asano Bored Drowning Humor Lies Manga Weirdness World

One day, we will live in a world without salads. It is a dream I have.

~ Carl ''Cal'' Tuohey

Carl ''Cal'' Tuohey Dream Humor Salads World

If really god is there, then God created us.If really god is not there, then we created God(Our creativity).

~ Madhu Kiran (Software Engg)

Madhu Kiran (Software Engg) God Humor Life World

Our parents are the coolest parents ever. No other generation went on from writing letters to their own parents to sending snapchats to their own kids.

~ Sharad Vivek Sagar

Sharad Vivek Sagar Children Generation Humor Journey Letters Life Parents Sharad Sagar Sharad Vivek Sagar Snapchat World

Simple minded people do things like gossip, lie, spread rumors, and cause troubles. But, I know you're more intelligent.

~ Amaka Imani Nkosazana

Amaka Imani Nkosazana Articles Being Believe Blessings Books Care Caring Charity Concern Confide Confidence Courage Criteria Dedication Dependent Devotion Divine Emotional Emotions Everlasting Express Expression Faith Fulfillment Gossip Help Hope Hoping Humor Improvements Independent Inspiration Inspirational Inspirational Quotes Inspire Intelligent Joy Kindness Knowledge Knowledge Of Self Lie Like Love Material Minds Neglect New Notable Origin Original Origination Peace People Place Published Reliable Rumors Safe Satisfaction Science Seek Self Spirit Spiritual Spoken Sure Talk Thankful Things Time Travel Treasure Troubles Truth Wisdom Words Words To Live By World

Just remember, we're all in this alone.

~ Lily Tomlin

Lily Tomlin Fun Humor Quote Silly

Just fuck me up.A caffeine-addict placing an order with the barista.

~ Julie Johnson

Julie Johnson Coffee Humor Quote
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