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Humor Quotes

Humor quote from classy quote

It is better to doubt that a concept is stupidly flying under your head than profoundly flying over your head.

~ Criss Jami

Criss Jami Arrogance Certainty Comedy Comprehension Confidence Consideration Development Dismissal Doubt Faith Funny Funny But True Humility Humor Ignorance Intelligence Joke Knowledge Learning Misunderstanding Mystery Not Knowing Philosophy Pride Profound Profundity Questioning Religion Sarcasm Science Stupid Stupidity Theology Trust Uncertainty Understanding Wisdom

I don’t argue with fools, I educate.

~ Shannon L. Alder

Shannon L. Alder Education Enlightening Experiences Fools Helping Humor Journeys Kindness Knowledge Learning Observations Perspective Sarcasim Service Sharing Experience Teacher Teaching University

The more you read, the better you get at it; the better you get at it, the more you like it;and the more you like it, the more you do it. And the more you read, the more you know;and the more you know, the smarter you grow.

~ Jim Trelease

Jim Trelease Humor Inspirational Learning Reading

You can find humor in everything. everything.

~ Krishna Sagar

Krishna Sagar Humor Leadership Learning Life

Taking the alphabet first and learning one letter a year for twenty-six years he will be able to read and write as early in life as he ought to. If we were more careful not to teach our children to read in their childhood we should not be so anxious about the effects of pernicious literature upon their adolescent morals.

~ John Kendrick Bangs

John Kendrick Bangs Alphabet Humor Learning Reading

If I had my way no one should be taught to read until after he had passed his hundredth year. In that way, and in that way only can we protect our youth from the dreadful influence of such novels as 'Three Cycles, Not To Mention The Rug,' which dreadful book I have found within the past month in the hands of at least twenty children in the neighborhood, not one of whom was past sixty.

~ John Kendrick Bangs

John Kendrick Bangs Humor Learning Reading

What I learn today I shall know forever. Whether or not I remember that I know it is a different story.

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

Richelle E. Goodrich Humor Humorous Quote Know Knowledge Learning Memory Remember Richelle Richelle Goodrich Today Tomorrow Wisdom

We are not born with a need for knowledge, but a hunger for it. Eve bit the apple and it has been gluttony ever since.

~ Anthony Marais

Anthony Marais Humor Knowledge Learning

I would go to parties and say I was an editor, and people, especially women – and that was important to me back then – would say, “Oh, really?” and raise their eyebrows and look at me a little more carefully. I remember the first party I went to after I became a teacher, someone asked me what I did for a living, and I said, “Well, I teach high school.” He looked over my shoulder, nodded his head, said, “I went to high school,” and walked away.Once I repeated this anecdote around a big table full of Mexican food in the garden at a place called La Choza in Chicago, and Becky Mueller, another teacher at the school, said that I was a “storyteller.” I liked that. I was looking for something to be other than “just” a teacher, and “storyteller” felt about right. I am a teacher and a storyteller in that order. I have made my living and my real contribution to my community as a teacher, and I have been very lucky to have found that calling, but all through the years I have entertained myself and occasionally other people by telling stories.

~ Peter Ferry

Peter Ferry Anecdote Careers Humor Learning Teaching Travel

I meditate, and when I do, Prince Harry appears in my subconscious and meditates with me. It's a little strange but I don't think there's anything I can do about it. Sometimes he's not the only one; the other day it was me, Prince Harry, the Dalai Lama, Mr. Rogers, Coco the gorilla, and George Clooney. We were all floating above the earth looking down at the continents as they passed. George Clooney suggested I visit Providence, Rhode Island. The Dalai Lama sighed deeply and said he'd like to visit Tibet.Poor Dalai Lama.

~ Kristin Cashore

Kristin Cashore Dalai Lama Humor Meditate Meditation Tibet

Want to enjoy an restful day? Wake up, turn your phone on, meditate, look at the sky—then toss your phone into the bushes.

~ Waylon H. Lewis

Waylon H. Lewis Funny Humor Meditation Social Media

Once I was running and there was someone on the treadmill next to me who stopped running to answer a question I asked and flew of the back of the treadmill. Being fully engaged has many benefits.

~ Sakyong Mipham

Sakyong Mipham Humor Meditation Mindfulness Running

They’re close. Voices loud and fierce, Slapping faces with words. A scream … A cry … They’re getting closer.Did I lock the door? It’s too late to check. They’re coming. I barely move, barely breathe. Perhaps they’ll go away. But they’re getting closer.The door slams against the wall. My eyes squeeze shut. This curtain is not a shield. They’re here. They’ve come for me. I freeze.Metal rings clank together. My barrier is cast aside. Wearily, I look. Reddened eyes glower at one another … But not at me. I wonder.A moment of silence … Water streams down my face. Steam rolls around my flesh. I glare at the intruders And slide the curtain between us. I wait.He shrieks, “She took my glow stick!” She howls, “No, I didn’t!” I scowl. “Go tell your father about it.”They leave. I inhale the lavender mist. Slather bubbles over my skin. Five more minutes … And, next time, I shall lock the door.

~ Barbara Brooke

Barbara Brooke Children Family Humor Meditation Poem Poetry

The light was only just visible - except of course that there was no one to see, no witnesses, not this time, but it was nevertheless a light.

~ Douglas Adams

Douglas Adams Humor Light Mystery

He let the curtain drop and the terrible light that had played on his features went off to play somewhere more healthy.

~ Douglas Adams

Douglas Adams Face Humor Light

He threw his hands to his eyes and hissed. Like the hiss of incinerating ashes. 'What is this bright, orange orb in the sky that mocks me with its warmth?

~ Jesikah Sundin

Jesikah Sundin Ashes Blinded Humor Jesikah Sundin Light Mackayla Lane Sky Sun Sun Quotes The Biodome Chronicles Transitions

It's super cloudy right now but I think I can see the northern lights from my room. Another observation: Every light is a strobe light, if you just blink fast enough, and drink enough vodka.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

~ Karen Quan

Karen Quan Blink Clouds Cloudy Drink Drinking Humor Instaquote Light Lights Northern Lights Strobe Light Surreal Vodka

They intend to make people's very appetites the next weapon of uncountable destruction. They intend that your people will lust themselves into oblivion in front of little boxes of changing light. Addictive light. A light that makes you feel like you live a life, when all you really do is eat what the light tells you to eat and squirt pee and pump poo. And watch the changing light!

~ Robert Stikmanz

Robert Stikmanz Humor Inspirational Light Lust Science Science Fiction Fantasy Tv

(...) But Gaia had absorbed the new information. I won't need to kill billions, Diana. When Nemesis is gone, there will be no other like me. Just me alone. I will grow and spread, one body and then another, and soon there will be so many of me that it will be impossible to eradicate me. Eventually all will be me, and I will be all.Won't that be boring? Diana asked. You'd be dating yourself. You'll have no one to discuss your evil plans with. (...)

~ Michael Grant

Michael Grant Gone Gone Series Humor Light Michael Grant

Of course you don’t trust Braith. You don’t trust anybody,” Ghleanna reminded their brother. “You don’t trust the air.”“Because it tends to become unseasonably chilly when I’d prefer it to be warm. It’s as if it does it on purpose.

~ G.a. Aiken

G.a. Aiken Air Humor Sibilings Trust Untrusting

You spoke to Nicodemus?' Vivian asked.[Francesca] 'We did.'V: 'And he trusts you?'F: 'As much as one might after a first impression involving hatchets.

~ Blake Charlton

Blake Charlton First Impressions Humor Trust Violence

An English traveller relates how he lived upon intimate terms with a tiger; he had reared it and used to play with it, but always kept a loaded pistol on the table.

~ Stendhal

Stendhal Caution Companionship Humor Trust

People who believed in God today will doubt him tomorrow and those who doubted him today will believe in him tomorrow because believing in someone else doesn't work. Believe in yourself.

~ Vann Chow

Vann Chow Believe Believe In Yourself God Humor Inspirational Trust

You’re hurt.”“No. No, I’m fine. It’s not blood. The militiamen were adjusting Sir Lewis’s trebuchet, and there was a mishap. You took a melon for me.” She smiled, even though her lips trembled.

~ Tessa Dare

Tessa Dare Humor Love Melons Militia Trust

Why should I trust you?” Her eyes narrowed. “All I really know about you is that you’re not loyal to your girlfriends, you treat one-night stands like crap, and apparently you’ve made quite a name for yourself not only in the business world, but also in the bedroom since we last met.

~ Zoe Forward

Zoe Forward Humor Humorous Love Trust

No one trusts a model except the man who wrote it; everyone trusts an observation, except the man who made it.

~ Harlow Shapley

Harlow Shapley Humor Model Observation Paradox Science Trust

You can't trust just any old person who comes along with a hundred puffins and a pretty face!

~ Catherynne M. Valente

Catherynne M. Valente Humor Puffins Trust

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.


~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Dark Jar Tin Zoo Babies Baby Baby Names Birth Condoms Fiscally Irresponsible Funny Humor Irresponsible Life Love Money Names Responsibility Sex Trust

A friend asks, Tell me one word which is significant in any kinds of relationship. Another friend says, LISTEN!

~ Santosh Kalwar

Santosh Kalwar Friend Humor Listen Listening Relationship

I closed my eyes and resigned myself to the fact that my boyfriend was a pervert. He was lucky he was so cute.

~ J.m. Colail

J.m. Colail Gay Romance Humor Lgbt Relationship

Did I miss the part where we were in a relationship?

~ Isabella Carter

Isabella Carter Humor Relationship

In some rare cases, a friendship between two people benefits both of them, and what’s more, in some rarer cases, it benefits both of them equally.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Mokokoma Mokhonoana Advantage Advantages Altruism Benefit Benefits Charity Companion Companions Companionship Compassion Convenience Empathy Equality Fair Fairness Friend Friends Friendship Friendships Gene Genes Genie Ghandi Humanity Humor Humour Mahatma Ghandi Mandela Mate Mates Mercy Mother Teresa Nelson Mandela Pal Pals Philosopher Philosophy Relationship Relationships Reward Rewards Satire Satirist Selfish Selfishness Selfless Selflessness Social Criticism Sympathy Teresa Unfair Unfairness Unselfish Unselfishness

So,” I said. “Exactly how long have the two of you been together? I assume that you’ve been going hot and heavy ever since that night at Fletcher’s house when the bounty hunters interrupted you. Am I right?”Finn and Bria didn’t look at me or each other.“Right,” Bria mumbled. “Although if it makes you uncomfortable—”“Then Gin’s just going to have to deal with it,” Finn cut her off.Bria stared at him in surprise.“What?” Finn said. “I worked too hard and too long to get you into my bed to just cut you loose now, cupcake.”Bria’s eyes narrowed. “Cupcake?”“Cupcake.” Finn grinned at her. “Or would you prefer snuggle bunny?”Bria’s hand drifted down to the gun on her leather belt, as though she wanted to pull it out and shoot Finn with it. Well, it was good to know I wasn’t the only one who occasionally had that reaction to him....Then I fixed them both with a hard stare. “Just don’t ask me to take sides when the two of you go at each other. Okay?”They nodded, then looked at each other. Finn waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, and Bria snorted. But she couldn’t stop a grin from curving her lips.

~ Jennifer Estep

Jennifer Estep Bria Bria Coolidge Finn Finnegan Lane Gin Gin Blanco Humor Relationship

Part of being friends with someone is knowing when to speak your mind and when to shut the hell up.

~ Christine Pope

Christine Pope Friend Friendship Humor Relationship

It's a pleasure to create a smile on people's face, and a gratification to see it on the people you love.

~ Hassan Choughari

Hassan Choughari Humor Inspirational Life Love Relationship Smile

Friendship is the grease of life.

~ Ogwo David Emenike

Ogwo David Emenike Friends Friendship Humor Life Relationship

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian, it would make life so much easier. I hear they're more than ninety-percent faithful. What a concept!

~ Nanci Rathbun

Nanci Rathbun Faithful Humor Relationship

I always have my own opinion before my boss says his.

~ Gerry Geek

Gerry Geek Business Humor Leadership Management Project Relationship

If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first.

~ Honeya

Honeya Advice Advice For Daily Living Homewreckers Humor Humour Relationship

I had a dream that my boyfriend went back to his ex…I woke up and giggled because you don’t pick up a rock after finding a diamond.

~ Starley Ard

Starley Ard Boyfriend Diamond Dreaming Dreams Ex Girlfriend Giggle Girlfriend Humor Laughter Relationship Treasure
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