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If You Lose Your Keys, At Least It's Better Than Losing Your Car.

~ Edward Harris

Edward Harris Funny Quotes Humor Humorous Quotes

When it's all said and done remember, You are only as old as you look.

~ Mark W. Boyer

Mark W. Boyer Ageing Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes Inspirational Quotes Mark Boyer

Wisdom of the Ages: Women Any culture that has supported the education, rights and sanctity of women has dominated those cultures who have not. As Lycurgus the Spartan lawgiver once said, Strong women make strong men.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But True Funny Quotes Humorist Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes Womens Rights

Wisdom of the Ages US News Media If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But Sad Funny But True Funny Quotes Humorist Humorist Extraordinaire Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages Unsuccessful Town Slogans Sequim (WA)- We put the Dung in Dungeness.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But Sad Funny Humor Funny Quotes Humor Quotes Humorist Humorous Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages: Government Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But Sad Funny Quotes Humor Humorist Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages: Unsuccessful pick-up lines 'My parole ends today, let's celebrate!

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny Quote Funny Quotes Humorist Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages: National Symbol With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn't our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But Sad Funny But True Funny Quotes Humor Humorist Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes National Character

Wisdom of the Ages: Valentine's Day Because she never forgets, especially if you do.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But True Funny Quote Funny Quotes Humorist Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages: Brian Williams Week Just like me in 2003, it looks like Brian Williams ended up Between Iraq and a Hard Place.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But True Funny Humor Funny Quotes Humor Humorist Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Marshawn Lynch Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can't be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a football.

~ Matthew D. Heines

Matthew D. Heines Funny Quotes Humor Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes Marshawn Lynch Quote Of The Day Seattle Seahawks Seattle Writers Super Bowl

Wisdom of the Ages: Rainier A beer and a mountain. You drink enough of one and the next day you feel like you fell off the other.All next week Wisdom of the Ages will be featuring the Seattle Seahawks and Super Bowl Topics. Tomorrow's Topic: Tom Brady's Balls.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny Quotes Humor Quotes Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Unger Games If your meals depend on you beating the Seahawks, you're gonna go 'Unger-y.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny Quotes Humor Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes Seattle Seahawks

Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Eating Crow This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny Quotes Humor Humorous Quotes Humourous Superbowl

Wisdom of the Ages: Skull and Bones A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But Sad Funny But True Funny Quotes Humor Quotes Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages: Tooth Fairy Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny Quotes Humor Quotes Humorous Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages: The Pope and Congress It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But Sad Funny Quotes Funny Stuff Humor Quotes Humorist Humorous Quotes

Play and be happy.

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Lailah Gifty Akita Funny Humor Funny Quotes Happiness Life Happiness Quote Happyquotes Humorous Quotes Life Quotes

My dog hasn't said a word all day, he must have a lot on his mind

~ Seth Czerepak

Seth Czerepak Animal Quotes Funny Dog Quotes Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes On Liners

Jersey cows,” Eva explained after Jac complimented the luxurious taste. “The butter and cream here are better than anywhere in the world.”“Not that we’re prejudiced,” Theo teased.

~ M.j. Rose

M.j. Rose Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes Prejudice

Marriage is the equivalent of trying to live with a bug perpetually up your nose.”D’Artagnan Bloodhawke

~ D'artagnan Bloodhawke

D'artagnan Bloodhawke Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes Inspirational Quotes

Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you’re saying, but shut your pretty pie hole.

~ Cristin Harber

Cristin Harber Alpha Male Alpha Male Romance Funny Book Quotes Funny Quotes Military Romance Romantic Suspense

Oh, a grenade. But where is the bamboo bazooka?

~ Cristin Harber

Cristin Harber Funny Quotes Military Romance Romantic Suspense

That’ll be like catching Niagara fucking Falls with a fly net.

~ Cristin Harber

Cristin Harber Alpha Male Quotes Alpha Males Funny Quotes Military Romance Romantic Suspense

You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Fakeer Ishavardas Comedy Humor Cynical Humor Dark Humor Death And Dying Funny Humor Funny Quotes Good And Evil Good Thoughts Humour Life Humourous Quotes Laughing Buddha People Relations Wellness Quotes

While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one’s bowels.Painful change just takes time.

~ Jessica Watts

Jessica Watts Change Death And Dying Death Of A Loved One Funny Quotes Humor

Celaena?” Sam asked into the dark. “Should I worry about going to sleep?”She blinked, then laughed under her breath. At least Sam took her threats somewhat seriously.

~ Sarah J. Maas

Sarah J. Maas Funny Quotes Sarcastic Humor True

I got my heart checked, report says it's perfectly normal, there is no trace of love in it

~ Rushabh Patel

Rushabh Patel Funny Funny Quotes Laugh Love Love Hurts Love Quotes Sad But True

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Patriot Act In theater and football, it's the last act before it's curtains for Seahawks opponents.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny Quotes Humor Humourous Quote Of The Day

You can't write an honest novel about race in this country. If you write about how people are really affected by race, it'll be too obvious. Black writers who do literary fiction in this country, all three of them, not the ten thousand who write those bullshit ghetto books with the bright covers, have two choices: they can do precious or they can do pretentious. When you do neither, nobody knows what to do with you. So if you're going to write about race, you have to make sure it's so lyrical and subtle that the reader who doesn't read between the lines won't even know it's about race. You know, a Proustian meditation, all watery and fuzzy, that at the end just leaves you feeling watery and fuzzy.Or just find a white writer. White writers can be blunt about race and get all activist because their anger isn't threatening.

~ Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Funny Quotes Literature About Literature Race Race In America Race Relations

When a fat person goes in the water naked, would it still be called skinny-dipping?

~ Anthony Liccione

Anthony Liccione Corpulent Fat Flabby Tissue Funny Quotes Humor Naked Nude Obese Pool Question Skinny Dipping Swimming Thinking Quotes Water

Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it's when the idiot laughs at you.

~ Raheel Farooq

Raheel Farooq Folly Foolishness Fools Funny But True Funny Quotes Idiots Laughter

To truly fail in life is to never try. When you fall on your face, it is an opportunity for you to find the road again. It may remind you how hard the road is, but you will never forget its presence once you make contact.

~ H.l. Stephens

H.l. Stephens Failure Success Funny Quotes Inspirational Laughter Life Quotes Never Give Up

Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask.

~ Tim Heaton

Tim Heaton Fashion Fat Funny Quotes

Well, clearly not. Goodness boss, just look at those filthy paws. I’ve never seen any fish carry paws like those. Usually they are cleaner.

~ H.s. Crow

H.s. Crow Cute Fish Funny Quotes Silly Quotes

Of course, Jules was not a wolf. She was an elephant. But Jules was a very young toy and she had never been to school to learn the difference.

~ Julie B. Campbell

Julie B. Campbell Cute Funny Funny Quotes

Recently thought of deleting my Facebook account and start using twitter, but realized it's not easy. Facebook has become like the boyfriend I no longer like but scared to dump because I've invested so much time in the relationship.

~ Manasa Rao

Manasa Rao Facebook Funny Quotes Relationships Social Media Time Twitter

A good reputation is sign of success.

~ Stephen Rayment

Stephen Rayment Dispute Resolution Funny Quotes Happy Life Mark Woodward Smith Motivational Inspirational Rayment Stephen Stephen Peter Rayment Stephen Rayment Stephen Rayment Systech Stephen Rayment Uk Systech International

Coffee is not my thing, and RedBull is my wing.

~ Ali Alja'bari

Ali Alja'bari Fun Funny Funny Quotes Inspiration Inspirational Philosophy

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous.

~ Nobita Nobi

Nobita Nobi Fun Funny Funny But True Funny Quotes
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