Funny Quotes

I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald.

~ Nicole Mckay

I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.

~ Bauvard

I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.

~ Amy Sommers

I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead

~ Michael Summers

When mice run, cats give chase.

~ Rachel Vincent

I had a dream about you last night... you kept meowing at people and licking yourself it was not unlike you normally.

~ Nicole Mckay

I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.

~ Criss Jami

My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That’s enough, I myself choose my way

~ Ali Shariati

Please, touch me, I pray.

~ Jess C. Scott

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

~ Roman Payne

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.

~ Alice Walker

I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.

~ Bauvard

I had a dream about you last night. The best day of my life was when I taught you how to juggle, but the best day of yours was when you taught someone else.

~ Michael Summers

It is easier to tell a person what life is not, rather than to tell them what it is. A child understands weeds that grow from lack of attention, in a garden. However, it is hard to explain the wild flowers that one gardener calls weeds, and another considers beautiful ground cover.

~ Shannon L. Alder

I had a dream about you last night.. You were playing with chicken livers and told me everyone was in quarantine.

~ Amy Sommers

I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple

~ Nicole Mckay

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

~ Lily Tomlin

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.

~ Thomas Bernhard

Believe me, It would be better if we didn't meet again. Go back to school. Go back to your life. And next time they ask you, say no. Killing is for grown-ups and you're still a child.

~ Anthony Horowitz

Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.

~ Christopher Moore

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

~ Billy Sunday

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

~ George Carlin

What the hell is that? I laughed.It's my fox hat.Your fox hat?Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.Why are you wearing your fox hat? I asked.Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.

~ John Green

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

~ Mark Twain

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

~ George Carlin

Headline? he asked.'Swing Set Needs Home,' I said.'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,' he said.'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,' I said.

~ John Green

Can you be a girl for a few seconds?I'm always a girl I frown.You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girlI twirl my hair around my finger. Kay.

~ Veronica Roth

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?All the time.

~ Wendy Mass

Puns are the highest form of literature.

~ Alfred Hitchcock

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

~ Robert Benchley

Inconceivable!You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

~ William Goldman

Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Nothing's impossible!

~ Lewis Carroll

You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!

~ James Dashner

You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!

~ Lauren Myracle

Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.

~ Pseudonymous Bosch

The human body is the best work of art.

~ Jess C. Scott

She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.

~ Rick Riordan

Sane is boring.

~ R.a. Salvatore

How is it possible to have a civil war?

~ George Carlin

What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.

~ Rick Riordan