Funny Quotes

Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist's career.

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

Goodfellow snickered.Wouldn't be any fun if we didn't run into some sort of catastrophe. Pulling his dagger ,he waved me on.After you,your highness.Puck to Ash

~ Julie Kagawa

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.

~ Jim Benton

Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off.

~ J.a. Saare

Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable?

~ Tahereh Mafi

If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.

~ Bauvard

I moved to assist, but never got the chance. there was some pretty violent banging for a minute, and then a tearing sound. Finally the stall door flew open, and Ray's shirtless body emerged and started bitch-slapping everything in sight.His aim was off, probably due to the difficulty of having his eyes on the other side of the room, but he made up for it with sheer determination.

~ Karen Chance

Blackmailers never explain their thinking. They're like pirates that way. Dark-hearted, dangerous--- and cool like Johnny Depp.

~ Janette Rallison

You don’t like romantic shit,” Luke remarks and frowns at me.“I don’t like watching you lay the romantic shit on my best friend, pal. It’s disgusting. This,” I gesture around the room with my hands, “is not a movie. But I do like watching Zac Efron, Channing Tatum, and a number of other hot actors lay on the romantic shit in a movie. I have a vagina.”“I’m aware,” Luke remarks earning a glare from Nate. “Although, not first-hand,” he quickly adds.

~ Kristen Proby

The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases.

~ Nia Vardalos

I was just turned last week. I'm a librarian.He stilled, as if I'd just told him I was the inventor of the tube top. I watched a movie about a librarian once. Well, she was a librarian by day, a call girl by--I stopped him with a quick lift of an eyebrow. If you finish that sentence, we cannot be friends.

~ Molly Harper

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

~ Steven Wright

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.

~ Ilona Andrews

When they throw the water on the witch, she says, “Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness”. That line inspired my life. I sometimes say it to myself before I go to sleep, like a prayer.

~ John Waters

Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry.

~ Jennifer Lynn Barnes

I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.

~ Bauvard

What do you want, MacGuffin, a duel?”“No.” Julian held out both hands, one palm flat, the other held over it in a fist. “Rock, paper, scissors. Two out of three.”Ty rolled his eyes and held out his fist, apparently willing to play. Julian hit his palm three times, and Ty kept time with his fist in the air. But when Julian threw a paper, Ty reached into his jacket with his other hand and pulled his gun, aiming it at Julian.“Ty!” Zane said in exasperation from the front seat.“Glock, paper, scissors. I win.”“You are an ass,” Julian muttered.

~ Abigail Roux

I'm a whore!Miki hit the brakes...her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. You're not wearing any underwear, are you?Sara let out a strangled squeal...

~ Shelly Laurenston

What do you want? Where's the goddamn ice I ordered? Where's the booze? There's a war on, man! People are being killed!

~ Hunter S. Thompson

Kyo Sohma: One of these days I'll make you say you're sorry Yuki Sohma: looking bored I'm sorry. Kyo Sohma: Dammit That's not what I meant Don't you have any shame Yuki Sohma: still looking annoyed Yes I'm ashamed to be seen with you shouting in public. Kyo Sohma: Oh that's it We're taking this outside Yuki Sohma: still looking annoyed We ARE outside you stupid cat.

~ Natsuki Takaya

Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.

~ Judy Blume

Nix had told Emma before she'd left for Europe that on this trip she would 'do that which you were born to do.' Apparently, Emma was born to get kidnapped by a deranged Lykae. Her fate sucked.

~ Kresley Cole

It was unbelievable. She was standing there, staring at him like he was a real rock star.

~ Kami Garcia

Ford Prefect suppressed a little giggle of evil satisfaction, realized that he had no reason to suppress it, and laughed out loud, a wicked laugh.

~ Douglas Adams

Daddy is trying really fugging hard to think of a not-terrifying reason why you'd wake Daddy up in the middle of the night to ask that fugging question. But no. No. Daddy does not have a match or a lighter.

~ John Green

To the stupidity of men, Dakota said, raising a glass. And my brother, who is their king.

~ Susan Mallery

It was because a great-looking man with no apparent mental defects found her attractive. Imagine feeling so buoyant over something so juvenile.

~ Maggie Shayne

Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.

~ Bauvard

Don't even think of arguing with me. I'm an old woman and if you fight me about it, it could give me a heart attack.

~ Sara Humphreys

Yes she met with a slight accident involving a stake. Ash said funny how that happens sometimes...

~ L.j. Smith

What a schmuck!

~ Lemony Snicket

And so really, you have given me no choice but to take you shopping byforce.” She sighed, then reached up, dropping her sunglasses down fromtheir perch on her head to cover her eyes. “Do you even realize how happythe average teenage girl would be in your shoes? I have a credit card. We’reat the mall. I want to buy you things. It’s like adolescent nirvana.”- Cora

~ Sarah Dessen

We needed a refrigerator for our new place and I've never bought a refrigerator my whole life. I went into the appliance store, there's like 900 of 'em lined up, there's a salesman there. What's this guy supposed to say about refrigerators? Well you got this refrigerator here, This keeps all your food cold for 600...You've got this refrigerator, This keeps all your food cold for 800...Check this out, 1400, keeps all your food cold.

~ Brian Regan

My melon soulCrushed by your Gallagher of apathy

~ David Wong

A customer facing crucial decisions: What should I wipe myself with? What should I brush with? His personal hygiene was deteriorating rapidly as he stared at the rows of possibilities, sweating profusely. Would he ever bathe again?

~ Benson Bruno

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

~ James Patterson

What have you done to your hair?” Mom’s broken voice said, pinning me back to this tiny hospitalroom.“Holy shit!” Icka patted her head as if searching. “You think the nurse stole it? She looked shady.

~ Phoebe Kitanidis

No funny business. I’ll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears

~ Penelope Fletcher

I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.

~ Hannah Harrington

I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.

~ Stephenie Meyer