Funny Quotes

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale.

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

What's the matter, fairy boy? Pissed because Chrys rather kiss me? - Essence (Nymphs of Macedonia Trilogy #1)

~ Racheal Renwick

I never hear about dear Mike. I wrote Ellen Greene and asked about him and she replyed and never mentioned Mike but told me all about her roomatism. As if I cared about her roomatism.

~ L.m. Montgomery

Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress careful not to shag her or you’ll never get your balls back.” - Simon Hunt

~ Dannika Dark

The only way to make sure that the Hand didn't get to you would have been to kill your brother. I could've done it, but I didn't. I just gave him some drugs.You gave an addict in rehab drugs, and you want credit for it?Of course it sounds bad when you put it that way.

~ Ilona Andrews

So, if I'm no cheerleader of sports, why write a chapter about it? Sports do have some positive impact on society. They solve problems, such as how to get inner-city kids to spend $175 on shoes. They serve as a backdrop for some of our most memorable commercials. And they remain the one and only relevant application of math. Not only that, but we have sports to thank for most of the last century's advances in manliness. The system starts in school, where gym class separates the men from the boys. Then those men are taught to be winners, or at least, losers that hate themselves.

~ Stephen Colbert

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin

~ Bill Watterson

The smell of burning firewood and the molding of organic, earthy substances reminded her of jumping wildly into the enormous leaf piles of autumns past and she suddenly wished that it was appropriate for someone her age to do such a thing.

~ Abby Slovin

I may not always be right, but when I am, I admit it

~ Ken Murray

What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

~ Stephen King

Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. THe only man who gets to call me'love' would be waking up next to me after a very, very fun n

~ Ilona Andrews

Breaking into the house in the middle of the night just wasn't his style. He did his best work in plain view, and, usually, his tongue was doing most

~ Ilona Andrews

Look, if I were straight, you'd be grandparents before your time. You should be relieved that I'm gay. Aren't you grateful?

~ Hayden Thorne

If everyone listened to me, the world would be a better place.

~ Aviva Moore

She put her hand on her hip. Where are you going?To the boat. You called me Lord Bill again. That means we're cool.Cerise slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand and followed him.

~ Ilona Andrews

Fuck You!' [Oskar said] 'Exuse me!' [His mom said] 'Sorry. I mean, screw you.' 'You need a time-out!' 'I need a mausoleum!

~ Jonathan Safran Foer

An evil spark flared in his eyes. Trade: raccoon for some answers.

~ Ilona Andrews

I know what you mean. I usually take it out on my older sister. You can lease her for a weekend or something if you need a psychological punching bag. I'll even give you a discount.

~ Hayden Thorne

Only love will attract love.”~ Amunhotep El Bey

~ Amunhotep El Bey

An understanding washed over Darren. You plan on me running.”“For many, many years.” The crooked smile on Trent’s mouth sent a shiver throughout my body. He was utterly dangerous when he wanted to be.

~ Elizabeth J. Kolodziej

Rina’s always claimed that I expect too little from life,” Standard said.“Then at least you’ll never be disappointed.

~ James Sallis

Her brother really was devastatingly handsome in a disheveled, wise-ass sort of way. Females followed him around like he was the Pied Piper of sex. Sydney constantly cautioned him about his choice in women and using protection. After all, he came from wealth. That made him ripe pickings to be some money hungry girl's sugar daddy. Especially since he went through those women like toilet paper.

~ Jenny Lyn

Besides, do you think you would have come if I’d just popped into your tattoo shop one night around closing andsaid, ‘Hello, I’m the Prince of Darkness. Think you could help me outwith a little war next Tuesday, say, sixish?

~ Richard Kadrey

Not one word about proposals, no matter how much she pushes,” I told my friends. “No matter what she says or how loud she cries, don’t try to throw that up as a distraction.”Gabriel’s lips twitched. “I don’t think it’s going to be that bad. It’s one woman against five supernatural creatures... And Zeb.”“You laugh because you haven’t heard my mother’s thirty-minute verbal dissertation on appropriate seasonal flower choices. We’re better off letting her yell at us for being dirty, premarital fornicators.

~ Molly Harper

I think it's something like Mr. Peter Sloane and the octogenarians. The other evening Mrs. Sloane was reading a newspaper ans she said to Mr. Sloane 'I see here that another octogenarian has just died. What is an Octogenarian, Peter?' And Mr. Sloane said he didn't know, but they must be very sickly creatures, for you never heard tell of them but they were dying.

~ L.m. Montgomery

I just don't know what I'd do without a brain, Simone! I say. I mean, what's a person without one?

~ Randa Abdel-Fattah

Quirky, funny, happy-go-lucky dead inside Dexter. No longer Dexter with the knife, Dexter the Avenger. Not until next time.

~ Jeff Lindsay

Instead of the calendrical terms Monday, Tuesday and so forth, we cheerfully offer the following surrogates. Use them freely and often, for their use honors us all. For Sunday, please use Sunshine. For Monday. pleasy use Monty. For Tuesday, please use Toes. For Wednesday, please use Wetty. For Thursday, please use Thurby. For Friday, please use Fribs. For Saturday, please use Satto-gatto.

~ Mark Dunn

Feeling unable to maintain this detachment of attitude towards human- and, in especial, matrimonial- affairs, I asked whether it was not true that she had married Bob Duport. She nodded; not exactly conveying, it seemed to me, that by some happy chance their union had introduced her to an unexpected terrestrial paradise.

~ Anthony Powell

Wanna see the rest of my happy place?

~ Dia Reeves

If she did not wish to lead a virtuous life, at least she desired to enjoy a character for virtue, and we know that no lady in the genteel world can possess this desideratum, until she has put on a train and feathers and has been presented to her Sovereign at Court. From that august interview they come out stamped as honest women. The Lord Chamberlain gives them a certificate of virtue.

~ William Makepeace Thackeray

Project: Potential was a separate class that the gifted students went to for an hour each day. The name was supposed to make it exciting, like Code Name: Cursive or Mission: State Capitals.

~ Adam Rex

Stella explained that when he had arrived, because of his English accent, she had assumed that he was me, and had asked where his fridge was. She didn't tell me what his reply was, and we can only hazard a guess, but I was impressed that he had been prepared to stay the night. It is surely a brave man who goes ahead and checks into an establishment where the first question is 'Where's your fridge?'. Especially if, as he had done, you had arrived by motorcycle.

~ Tony Hawks

Scottish Play Doe was born at 4:13 a.m. on September 6th. The ink was barely dry on his father's new tattoo.

~ Adam Rex

Polly Esther Doe was born at 8:03 a.m. on August 14.

~ Adam Rex

Of course Will was right again. But I realized clearly for the first time how desperate our plight was. It has been foolish to think we could rescue Kai. Now, wherever he is, it couldn't be worse than being held captive by pirates. Even cannibals were more trustworthy.

~ Cameron Stracher

That doesn't upset too many people, but the fact that accessibility restrictions don't enter into the picture has caused more than one otherwise pacifistic soul to contemplate distinctly unpacifistic actions.

~ Scott Meyers

You're going to be too busy being at my beck and call to worry about doing any driving.

~ Shawn Keenan

There's a little bit of magic in every box!

~ Adam Rex

Tell me about yourself, Miss Russel.I started to give him the obligatory response, first the demurral and then the reluctant flat autobiography, but some slight air of polite inattention in his manner stopped me. Instead, I found myself grinning at him.Why don't you tell me about myself, Mr. Holmes?

~ Laurie R. King