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Funny quote from classy quote

You'd be amazed to discover all the tangible things that can come out of dreams. Like drool?

~ Catherine Lowell

Catherine Lowell Funny Humor Smartass

You can't hold someone whoWants to leaveYou can't clutch a memoryAs if it were todayYou can't take an insultClose to heartYou can't grasp for gloryFrom your chairYou can't seize lifeThinking only of lossAnd you can't grab a laser pointer dotOn the wallNo matter how much you tryThese hard-earned truths I give to you

~ Francesco Marciuliano

Francesco Marciuliano Advive Cats Funny Poetry Quotes

The leaf twirls gentlyTo the dry groundThe flake tumbles lightlyTo the snow moundThe lightning falls mightilyTo the earth with a crashAnd I plummet sleepilyFrom the fridge to the trash.Such is nature's way

~ Francesco Marciuliano

Francesco Marciuliano Funny

Try to think like a human,’ said Gant, lolling in one of the club chairs.‘Why should I restrict myself so severely?

~ Neal Asher

Neal Asher Ai Funny Sci Fi

Your words hurt, Jazz. They hurt like cotton balls thrown in my direction.

~ Barry Lyga

Barry Lyga Funny Hemophilia Howie I Hunt Killers Jasper Dent

I was hoping that the first time you expressed affection for me, it would not be in a room full of strangers. And that you would not have just said it to a sniveling creature like that Raymond!” “I expressed affection for Ray?” “Yes!” “Man, I really must be drunk.” Louis-Cesare just looked at me. I blinked politely back, until I realized that he expected a response.

~ Karen Chance

Karen Chance Dory Drunk Funny Louis Cesare Ray

Coloron often pondered how a race, in which the stupid seemed more inclined to breed, had managed to come this far, and why human intelligence persisted—a discussion point in the nature vs nurture debate which had not died in half a millennium.

~ Neal Asher

Neal Asher Ai Funny Science Fiction

Thus, in moments of catastrophe, when hard decisions needed to be made quickly, all AIs included in their calculations a human death toll governed by a factor called ‘pigheadedness’.

~ Neal Asher

Neal Asher Ai Funny Human Condition

It all came back to human time and utterly human impulses: in the end, gods did not appreciate godlike power, but humans did.

~ Neal Asher

Neal Asher Funny Sci Fi

It seemed that, after contact with a few human generations, sand hogs would begin to understand human speech. The irony was that after coming to understand their riders fully, the beasts often ended up abandoning them and heading off into the wilderness.

~ Neal Asher

Neal Asher Aliens Funny Sci Fi

Simon gave her a startled look. 'I don't believe I have ever been condescended to by a woman before.' She shrugged. 'It was probably past time.

~ Julia Quinn

Julia Quinn Feminism Funny Romance Romance Book Quotes

It never ceases to amaze me how many people think I kill for fun.”“Don’t y

~ Karen Chance

Karen Chance Dorina Basarab Funny Ray

I'm just going ahead and say what everyone else here is thinking.This has got to be the weirdest fucking wedding that has ever happened.

~ Jessica Gadziala

Jessica Gadziala Funny

All the latchkey children cursed and smashed bottles, teased about underwear, and puffed on those unfiltered cigarettes that only the cowboys could roll.

~ Bremer Acosta

Bremer Acosta Cowboy Funny Humor Latchkey Literature Magic Realism

April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously.

~ Criss Jami

Criss Jami April Fools April Fools Day Funny Funny But True Holiday Humor

Then a beat-up car lurched into sight towing an even more beat-up car. As the cars came near, I saw that they were connected back to front by a loop made of two seat belts buckled to each other. That was the only time I ever saw a Russian use a seat belt for any purpose at all.

~ Ian Frazier

Ian Frazier Funny Humor Russia Siberia Travel

That wasn’t so bad,” I decided, after downing the shot. Maybe I was getting my rhythm. “Because you threw it over your shoulder,” Scarface told me, looking smug. “Did not.” I looked behind me, only to see an outraged vamp with fey wine dripping down his face. “Oops.” “It was for luck,” Ray said defensively, wrapping both my hands around a glass. “Drink!” I drank.

~ Karen Chance

Karen Chance Dory Drinking Games Drunk Funny Ray

Most often when I stammerThat's my brainCorrecting my grammer.

~ Joyce Rachelle

Joyce Rachelle Editing Funny Grammar Grammer Language Stammer

No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce.

~ Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore Cars Food Funny

There are men and gods, and beings like Pythagoras.

~ Pythagoras

Pythagoras Funny Gods Lol Men Pythagoras

Mom,” I said as calmly as I could manage. “Listen to me very carefully, okay? And don’t freak.”“Dez, do not start a conversation like that. It doesn’t instill me with any amount of confidence—especially when it comes from you.

~ Jus Accardo

Jus Accardo Denazen Funny Humour Mom

She let out a strangled laugh. “Yeah, that’s how it works. I just woke up one morning and was like, ‘gee, I want to screw Kyler.’ Seriously, you have no clue.

~ Jennifer Armentrout

Jennifer Armentrout Frigid Funny Sarcastic Waking Up

Four young men in motorcycle jackets... set upon the man in khaki shorts and beat him unconscious with his own sandwich board.

~ Stephen King

Stephen King Funny

Isn't it funny that they say most girls have daddy issues, when really, every dude does?

~ Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer Daddy Issues Funny Guys

And why was I sitting on the curb? I honestly didn’t know, but it was better than being inside my apartment, all alone. And yeah, I was alone out here, but it didn’t feel that way. I was pretty sure there was a squirrel over by the tree, so that counted for something, right?

~ Jennifer Armentrout

Jennifer Armentrout Alone Avary And Cam Drunk Funny

I had aimed at Mars and was about to hit Venus unquestionably the all-time cosmic record for poor shots.

~ Edgar Rice Burroughs

Edgar Rice Burroughs Dark Humor Funny Humor Science Fiction Space Travel

Your wit never ceases to underwhelm me.

~ A.e. Kirk

A.e. Kirk Badass Burn Diss Funny Insult Jaeger Leontes Rivalry Wit

I want gifts and Christmas music. I don’t care how many Draziri are out there. They won’t take Christmas from me.”“Yes, but we don’t have a suitable male,” Orro said. “And only one dog.”I looked at him.“What is this Christmas?” Wing asked.Orro turned from the stove. “It’s the rite of passage during which the young males of the human species learn to display aggression and use weapons.”Sean stopped what he was doing and looked at Orro.“The young men go out in small packs,” Orro continued. “They brave the cold and come into conflict with other packs and they have to prove their dominance through physical combat. Their fathers teach them lessons in the proper use of swear words, and the young men have to undergo tests of endurance, like holding soap in their mouths and licking cold metal objects.”Sean made a strangled noise.“At the end of their trials, they go to see a wise elder in a red suit to prove their worth. If they are judged worthy, the family erects a ceremonial tree and presents them with gifts of weapons.”Sean was clearly struggling, because his head was shaking.“Also,” Orro added, “a sacrificial poultry is prepared and then given to the wild animals, probably to appease the nature spirits.”Sean roared with laughter.

~ Ilona Andrews

Ilona Andrews Funny Orro Random

It was going to be our job to annoy someone?” “I know—it’s a dream come true!

~ Joel N. Ross

Joel N. Ross Annoy Chess Dream Funny Hazel Job Joel Ross Lost Compass Middle Grade

As we sat there, the door opened, just barely, and a hand slid inside and dropped a set of keys on a side table.Thanks, Garrett! I called out.He gave me a thumbs-up and closed the door.How do you suppose he knew we were performing sexual favors on each other? I asked, snuggling against my man again.Possibly because you screamed my name about seven times.

~ Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Charley Davidson Funny Garrett Swopes Reyes Farrow Sex

Once upon a time, Jack wouldn't have been caught dead in a princess rescue.

~ James Riley

James Riley Funny Jack James Riley Once Upon A Time Princess

After an hour the score was: Quancita—34 Radiz—51 Sally—froglegs Perla—9 a

~ Joel N. Ross

Joel N. Ross Chess Funny Game Joel Ross Lost Compass Middle Grade Nonsense

Why would any writer in her right mind ever consider making a movie instead? That's like going from being a monk or a nun to serving as a camp counselor for hundreds of problem children.

~ Amy Tan

Amy Tan Autobiography Funny

I meditate; therefore, you live.

~ Neo Shamon

Neo Shamon Anger Management Funny Life Meditation

I’m meeting the attic before I meet the girl.

~ Colleen Hoover

Colleen Hoover Funny Irony

What a nickname. Teenagers can be so cruel. I’m embarrassed to be one of them.

~ Colleen Hoover

Colleen Hoover Funny Teenagers

Are you okay?” “Yeah.” “Good,” she said, “because if you fall off a skyscraper, I’ll be so mad at you.

~ Joel N. Ross

Joel N. Ross Funny Joel Ross Lost Compass Middle Grade Okay Skyscraper

Are you . . . lost?” “Not really,” she told him. “We just don’t know where we’re going.

~ Joel N. Ross

Joel N. Ross Funny Joel Ross Lost Middle Grade Not

What are you doing?” I asked Loretta. “Stabbing a cushion,” she told me.

~ Joel N. Ross

Joel N. Ross Cushion Funny Joel Ross Lost Compass Middle Grade Stabbing What

It's time to laugh at your nightmares and have nightmares of your laughter.

~ Melita Tessy

Melita Tessy Funny Humor Laughter Nightmares Wit
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