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Humor quote from classy quote

But before she could speak another word, he crushed his mouth against hers.It was so unexpected that she hadn't the chance to even think of pushing him away. His body pressed her firmly against the rough cave wall. His hands slid down to her waist to pull her closer to him.And just like that, with his proximity, with his kiss, he managed to fill her every sense. He was smoke from the campfire, he was leaves and moss and the night itself.There was nothing gentle in the rebel's kiss, nothing sweet or kind. It was like nothing she'd ever experience before, and so very dangerous—every bit as deadly as the kiss of an arrow.Finally, he pulled back just a little, his dark eyes glazed as if half drunk.Princess... He cupped her face between his hands, his breath ragged.Her lips felt bruised. I suppose that's how Paelsians show their anger and frustration?

~ Morgan Rhodes

Morgan Rhodes Cleo Humor Jonas Kiss

>>How old were you when you had your first kiss?>>Twenty. It's pathetic. Guys don't want to kiss fat girls. >>Not true. There are all those guys on jerry springer, and there's president Clinton... >>Make that: no one I ever wanted to kiss wanted to kiss a fat girl. >>I'll bet you never gave anyone a chance. Mitch says you practically beat him away with a stick.>>I was trying to spare him.

~ Rainbow Rowell

Rainbow Rowell Fat Girls Humor Kiss

I had a dream about you last night, for the millionth time! We did what we always do in my dreams. We talked, but we never made out. How come I still dream about you if we never freaking make out?

~ Crystal Woods

Crystal Woods Dreaming Dreams Humor Kiss Kissing Love Makeout Relationships Talking

I had a dream about you. You were so cute, and I was holding you for a long time. We went for a walk, happily strutting down the street. We saw a couple others but they weren’t having as much fun as we were. We arrived back home and I gave you a kiss on the nose and a bone.

~ Ashley Kennett

Ashley Kennett Dog Dreaming Dreams Fun Humor Kiss Kissing Pet Walking

Percy: Put your cap back on... get out! Annabeth: What? No! I'm not leaving you. Percy: I've got a plan. I'll distract them. You can use the metal spider... maybe it'll lead you back to Hephaestus. You have to tell him what's going on. Annabeth: But you'll be killed! Percy: I'll be fine. Besides, we've got no choice. Annabeth glared at me like she was going to punch me, and then she did something that surprised me even more she kissed me. Annabeth Be careful, Seaweed Brain. Percy: she put on her hat and vanished.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Annabeth Chase Humor Kiss Percy Jackson Shock

Abbey relaxed, grateful not only that someone had thought to throw a party for her, but that she had been able to escape attending.

~ Emily Ann Benedict

Emily Ann Benedict Emily Ann Benedict Humor Introvert Party Perception Vintage Jane Austen

There spoke the race! he said; always ready to claim what it hasn't got, and mistake its ounce of brass filings for a ton of gold-dust. You have a mongrel perception of humor, nothing more; a multitude of you possess that. This multitude see the comic side of a thousand low-grade and trivial things--broad incongruities, mainly; grotesqueries, absurdities, evokers of the horse-laugh. The ten thousand high-grade comicalities which exist in the world are sealed from their dull vision. Will a day come when the race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at them--and by laughing at them destroy them? For your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weapon--laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution-- these can lift at a colossal humbug--push it a little--weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. You are always fussing and fighting with your other weapons. Do you ever use that one? No; you leave it lying rusting. As a race, do you ever use it at all? No; you lack sense and the courage.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Human Race Humor Perception

My life is so bad that it's worse than it really is.

~ Brian Spellman

Brian Spellman Humor Life Perception Pessimism

It extols death with the luminescent brilliance of a dying star. It is Genghis Khan bathed in sherbet ice cream. The mantis shrimp is the harbinger of blood-soaked rainbows.

~ The Oatmeal

The Oatmeal Glory Humor Mantis Shrimp Pacifist Not Science Vision

I really hate that I need my glasses while using my laptop. What I hate even more is that I need those glasses to be full of vodka at all times.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

~ Karen Quan

Karen Quan Computer Drink Drinking Glasses Humor Laptop Surreal Time Vision Vodka Word Play

Jasmine believes in a prophecy that says she is destined to love a man named Josh Toby. Okay, fine. He could believe that. Hell, he had friends who believed carbohydrates were the work of the devil. True love made sense at least.

~ Diana Holquist

Diana Holquist Humor Prophecy True Love

We did the usual beauty, grace, anti-dirt spell, voice of a songbird, the works…it is never that kind of beauty that we gift. It is a spell. You are the most beautiful woman in the world to your true love. To everyone else, well… that’s up to nature. But, you are decently pretty. I don’t know why you are complaining.

~ T.t. Escurel

T.t. Escurel Humor Spell True Beauty True Love

Today was the introduction, and introductions were important. The girl had to meet the boy in an equal setting – if they met any other way there’d always be a question about whether it was True Love or a more financially motivated desire that awakened the passions.

~ F.d. Lee

F.d. Lee Boy Meets Girl Fairy Tale Humor Humorous Quotes Love Romance Satire Satire Comic Fantasy True Love

Wherever she went, he went, and almost without exception, she chose the direction that promised the most peril. Darius shook his head, and the corners of his mouth curved upward. If nothing else, at least she was consistent.

~ Christine Grey

Christine Grey Humor True Love

It is not what they say, but the reaction that tells you everything you need to know.

~ Shannon L. Alder

Shannon L. Alder Beautiful Boy Being In Love Brilliant Connections Dreamers Forever Funny Humor I Love You In Love Loved No Coincidences Peaceful Warriors Perfect Priceless Reactions Soulmates True Love Truly Loved

Well why don't you lean over this counter a little more and give me your best kiss, and then I'll tell you if I want you to take me out to dinner.

~ Zack Love

Zack Love Alex Humor New York City Short Story Suspense True Love Zack Love

What is love when it's not for dopamine?

~ Saurabh Sharma

Saurabh Sharma Dopamine Humor Lust Pleasure Pleasures True Love

It's almost never the kind of person you are but the kind of job you do decides how much you get paid.

~ Saahil Prem

Saahil Prem Fair Humor Inspirational Job Lessons Life Motivational Paid

Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man, he is sure to find an easy way of doing it.

~ Walter Chrysler

Walter Chrysler Easy Hard Job Humor Job Lazy

He was a man who was charged with the work he did in life because he was not one to ask questions - not so much on account of any natural quality of discretion as because he simply could never think of any questions to ask....On the strength of which he had guaranteed himself regular employment for as long as he cared to live.

~ Douglas Adams

Douglas Adams Employment Humor

Funny thing, employment. If you keep doing it, you keep getting paid.

~ N.k. Jemisin

N.k. Jemisin Employment Humor

I believe you are one of the people that can lift the corners of the universe.

~ Ann M. Martin

Ann M. Martin Adam Great Hattie Humor

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her

~ Shikamaru Nara

Shikamaru Nara Anime Funny Great Humanity Humor Inspirational Inventions Laziness Lazy Life Manga Naruto Shikamaru Shikamaru Nara Truth

Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list.

~ Chuck Palahniuk

Chuck Palahniuk Dark Humor

Don't worry about it, only worry about how people like her breed.

~ Gasmaskman

Gasmaskman Dark Humor Sarcasm Witty

What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?

~ Steve Aylett

Steve Aylett Atom Dark Humor

All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain.

~ Gasmaskman

Gasmaskman Dark Humor Inspirational

Golden Arches' are the gateway to the afterlife.

~ Gasmaskman

Gasmaskman Dark Humor

I felt the human disease that is ignorance suddenly leave my body. Just like that. Like a hot, desperate piss after a long car ride.

~ J.a. Redmerski

J.a. Redmerski Dark Humor

Nevertheless, he had, on a certain star-lit evening, said wonderingly and quite reverently: Deh moon looks like hell, don't it?

~ Stephen Crane

Stephen Crane Dark Humor Naturalism

Low ceiling, stone walls, a dirt floor stamped with paw prints. I never go in without announcing myself. 'Hyaa!' I yell. 'Hyaa. Hyaa!' It's the sound my father makes when entering his toolshed, the cry of cowboys as they round up dogies, and it suggests a certain degree of authority. Snakes, bats, weasels --it's time to head up and move on out.

~ David Sedaris

David Sedaris Dark Humor Scared

It is important to correct bad behavior one toe at a time.

~ Gasmaskman

Gasmaskman Dark Humor

Life is a beautiful thing. Plant it in the ground, and it blooms into opportunity, capice?

~ Gasmaskman

Gasmaskman Dark Humor Inspirational

Not very tall, not very dark but very...very handsome,’ was his way of describing himself.

~ Anurag Shourie

Anurag Shourie Dark Handsome Handsomeness Humor Tall Vanity Vanity Quotes

The guy had guts—I had to give him that. Later on I was hoping for a first-hand look at them.

~ Rob Thurman

Rob Thurman Dark Funny Gore Guts Humor Snark Snarky

Bah-Bah-black sheep, have you any soul?No sir, by the way, what the hell are morals?

~ Set It Off

Set It Off Bands Dark Humor Lyrics Twisted

What's a Dullahan?''He's a headless horseman, in the service of the banshee.''Headless?''Yes.''Seriously?''Yes.''So he has no head?''That's usually what headless means.''No head at all?''You're really getting hung up on this headless thing, aren't you?''It's just kind of silly, even for us.''Yet you spend your days with a living skeleton.''But at least he has a head.''True.''He even has a spare.

~ Derek Landy

Derek Landy Dark Funny Halloween Hilarious Humor Humour

Sometimes I hate him. When he does the dishes, he shakes off each one before setting it in the drying rack. Water flies everywhere. A couple of drops always hit me in the face. I have to leave the room to avoid smashing a plate against his head.

~ Tarryn Fisher

Tarryn Fisher Captive Dark Frustration Humor Stockholm Syndrome

Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!' Skulduggery nodded. 'Just got back.

~ Derek Landy

Derek Landy Clever Dark Funny Hilarious Humor Humour Witty

Without pride, man becomes a parasite – and there are already too many parasites.

~ Carla H. Krueger

Carla H. Krueger Adult Fiction Anti Utopia Bad Manager Carla Krueger Comedy Contemporary Dark Humor Humour Office Politics Office Worker Orwell Poison Psychological Quick Read Short Book Short Story Subversive Twisted
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