Humour Quotes

It is weird to me on how people will come to church frequently and have absolutely no desire or intention to change anything about their life based on what they experienced in the church.

~ Patience Johnson

Have you ever make out time to ask God if there is anything or anybody you need to drop in your life? Are you still holding on to offences? When is the right time to drop it?I am sure once you make this attempt He will show you.I declare that God is going to set some captives free.

~ Patience Johnson

Offence is an event, offended is a decision. Offence and offended we have to live through it but to stay offended? To live in that place denies the very nature of the salvation that you claimed to have received.

~ Patience Johnson

I didn't get to God by effort or title, I got there by invitation. God can lift you quickly if you let Him. He really cares.

~ Patience Johnson

Being married or being in a close relationship is not based on how quickly you can get offended but on how you are ready to drop the offences, get over it and move ahead.

~ Patience Johnson

Before Marriage opposite attracts, after marriage opposite attacks☺. Just telling you the truth.

~ Patience Johnson

God takes two and make them one but satan takes one and make it two.

~ Patience Johnson

The closer the relationship, the greater the opportunities for intimacy. However the greater the opportunity the closer to offence. (A bit deep). Nobody can really make you mad more than someone that you really love. Nobody can hurt you like the somebody you have given your heart to.

~ Patience Johnson

You can't love me if you don't love you, you can't think of nothing to do with me if you can't think of nothing to do with yourself, stop feeling sorry for yourself and tidy up, clean up the apartment until you get a house, do that job until you build your own company. Look at what you have and think on how to make it better.

~ Patience Johnson

There is a throne up there and someone is sitting on it. It is not you, the economy or your government. My God is still on the throne and I shall not worry.

~ Patience Johnson

My faith gives me the ability to say, whatever is next, I'm ready. If it is Hillary or Trump I am ready because they might sit on the desk but they do not sit on the throne.

~ Patience Johnson

You don't have to feel grateful in order to be grateful.

~ Patience Johnson

One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When you are unemployed, weekends are seven days long.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We usually learn from debates that we seldom learn from debates.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When you've been around as long as me, Lucy, you'll know that there are three types of sex... One - brand-new, kitchen-table sex. Two - bedroom sex. Then number three - hallway sex, when you pass each other in the hallway and say 'Fuck you.' - Lockie

~ Kathy Lette

Just because he likes the same bizzaro crap as you doesn't mean he's your soul mate.

~ Rachel Hansen

Darling, whose book is this to be?Ostensibly yours, my sweetI see -- rather like my life since I met you?Yes darling

~ John Wyndham

I shall now explain my plan. You may then speak, but only to amend the detail. The broad outline is not subject to negotiation. Are you ready? Good … I propose to have sex with you. I believe it will be excellent sex. Your obedience on one particular issue of timing it will be required to make it unforgettable sex. I will explain that issue as we go. At the moment, I wish to hear your inevitable objection to the general sex part of this plan.

~ Nick Harkaway

They're horrible little creatures. All snot and smelly feet and pestering questions.Then why did you go into teaching?It was either that or sit at home with Mother all day. I picked the lesser of two evils.

~ Brian Francis

Joe Spork opens the door. The man departs. Joe turns to Polly to say something about how they’re obviously not going to Portsmouth, and finds an oyster knife balanced on his cheek, just under his eye.“Can we be very clear,” Polly Cradle murmurs, “that I am not your booby sidekick or your Bond girl? That I am an independent supervillain in my own right?”Joe swallows. “Yes, we can,” he says carefully.“There will therefore be no more ‘Say hello, Polly’?”“There will not.

~ Nick Harkaway

It was a good thing that when it came to married men, she was a girl with a firm moral compass, or else she would have been tempted to make him break his marital promises.

~ Kiran Manral

Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its nice to have an overview of what it/he/she contains. - Of A Sense of Self

~ Amrita Sarkar

I’m twenty-four, a first grade teacher, have a Yorkie named Pedro, a goldfish named Fish, have never had sex, or a serious boyfriend, and I’m the town lesbian who pukes when she sees a pussy. Nothing really to be jealous of at all.

~ H.j. Bellus

Life is not always fair. Sometimes you get a splinter sliding down a rainbow.

~ Terri Guillemets

Just because you don’t like peanut butter doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t like . . . peanuts.

~ Fredrik Backman

Mma Ramotswe tucked the cheque safely away in her bodice. Modern business methods were all very well, she thought, but when it came to the safeguarding of money there were some places which had yet to be bettered.

~ Alexander Mccall Smith

Six a.m.! Xander cried. I know that's a number on my clock, but I've never actually been awake to personally witness it!

~ Alice Henderson

We are unable to discount the hypotheses that the world began three years ago.

~ Nagaru Tanigawa

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

~ Suzanne Collins

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty.Gideon Wyeth:Why?Ethan: Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.

~ Orson Scott Card

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.

~ Bertrand Russell

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

~ Dave Barry

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

~ Darynda Jones

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

~ Eoin Colfer

This is America. We’re entitled to our opinions.”“Wrong. This is Texas. And my opinion is the only one that counts.

~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips