Sarcasm Quotes

Need I say more?''No, because you're wrong, and I'd hate for you to keep embarrassing yourself.

~ Erin Mccahan

What time is it?”“One o'clock.”I nearly spit out some soda. “In theafternoon?”“No. In the morning. Don't let that damnsunlight fool you. It lies.

~ Glenn Bullion

But nowhere in the file had anyone said, “Oh, and by the way, he runs like a gazelle with an espresso addiction.” At least not in the parts I’d skimmed.

~ Lish Mcbride

Oh, adjust yourself. You people have spent ten millennia playing at soldiers while becoming ever more dedicated civilians. We've spent the last thousand years trying hard to stay civilian while refining the legacy of a won galactic war.

~ Iain M. Banks

You couldn't find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.

~ Nenia Campbell

Dr. Cox: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring.[points to self]

~ Bill Lawrence

There’s been a lot written on the topic of minimalism. But I still believe in it.

~ Ryan Lilly

His long wait is almost done. I am sending Balon Swann to Sunspear, to deliver him the head of Gregor Clegane.” Ser Balon would have another task as well, but that part was best left unsaid.“Ah.” Ser Harys Swyft fumbled at his funny little beard with thumb and forefinger. “He is dead then? Ser Gregor?”“I would think so, my lord,” Aurane Waters said dryly. “I am told that removing the head from the body is often mortal.

~ George R.r. Martin

Well, I think Leo's either going to learn a much needed lesson in social activity-- or go nuts and kill us all. -Crash

~ Hazel Blackthorn

I'm financially ugly.

~ Rea Lidde

You’ll pardon me,” he finally said, “if the suggestion that the minuscule black turnip you call a heart is suddenly overflowing with generosity toward me leaves me wanting to arm myself and put my back against a wall.

~ Scott Lynch

I’m sorry that your mystical, godlike powers do not instantly work as you would like them to.

~ Brandon Sanderson

As a general rule, I preferred not to have my soul reaped.

~ Rick Riordan

I have a black belt in sarcasm, and my wit is like lightning.

~ N.r. Walker

Since I've moved here, you have shown up at my door eight times. I obey the laws, I pay my taxes, and I haven't even gotten a parking ticket in my entire time as a driver. Yet if anything at all happens in the neighborhood, you appear at my door. I bet if a meteorite fell somewhere in the subdivision, you would be here asking me if I personally launched it out of my doomsday cannon.

~ Ilona Andrews

What? Really? And I thought I was just emotionally withdrawn.” She pulled her feet up, hugging her knees. “I’m also incapable going to be your next brilliant observation.

~ Marissa Meyer

We don't have dealings. He just stalks me. I'm popular like that.

~ Nenia Campbell

A lot of people have it in for me. It's practically a school sport.

~ Nenia Campbell

Do I have to get diapers?” he asked.“Why, did Kade shit himself?” she laughed.Dylan huffed loudly.  Eyebrows knitted together, “DO I NEED TO GET BOTTLES?”Jen rolled her eyes and shook her head as if he were crazy, “Don’t you think it’s too early to start drinking?  You just got up…”“IS THERE ANYTHING IN YOUR OVEN?”“I’M NOT BAKING ANYTHING, YOU MORON! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?”My God, you have surrounded me with idiots.

~ Christine Zolendz

No one referred toFearghus the Destroyer as the life of anyone’s party.

~ G.a. Aiken

Liraz snorted, caught off guard, and the tension between them ebbed away. I'm sorry of my almost dying interrupted your almost kissing.

~ Laini Taylor

Hhhmm. A sense of humor.” He cocked his head to the side.“That actually might annoy me.”She frowned, ignoring the teasing sound to that oh-so-low voiceand, with heavy sarcasm answered, “Oh, well, that’ll keep me upnights.

~ G.a. Aiken

I'm sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay?

~ Nenia Campbell

Just because it looks like a leprechaun and talks like a leprechaun, it doesn't mean it can't act like the little fucking demon it is.

~ N.l. Gervasio

I nee to reason for a plague, ... As far as I know no comets or eclipses have been forecast, and our sins are not great enough for God to be concerned with us.

~ Gabriel García Márquez

Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair cut, but it keeps on growing again.One of the tall men looked at him with the air of a pained naturalist.

~ G.k. Chesterton

If your career doesn’t work out, write a book about it.

~ Marcy Sheiner

Hello, Mrs. Tran...I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for.

~ Nenia Campbell

And her dumplings were so light they would float in the air and you'd have to catch 'em to eat 'em.

~ Fannie Flagg

It is most remarkable that Lincoln, when he saw so much that was vulnerable in the leadership of the Church, did not move to the opposite error and become a scoffer.

~ Elton Trueblood

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. 'We spent one night together.''You had sex then?''No we crocheted a quilt.' I cocked my head to side and gave him my nastiest glare. Lorelei Preston to Agent Brody-The Wild Hunt

~ Ashley Jeffery

There are a few things that even sarcasm can't protect you from.

~ Diana Peterfreund

At the last moment, Kellan swerved around him, quickly leaving the zombie behind. “Why didn't you just hit him?” Jayden asked, turning to look behind us as we sped away. I did, too. The zombie spun around as he immediately started to follow us. “I didn't want to mess up my paint job,” Kellan sarcastically replied as he turned on the street that would lead us to the store. “Plus, I just washed it.

~ Rose Wynters

Julio was willing to bet that Officer I've Seen It All Mac had never seen a horde of black-skinned demons wearing rags and armor and carrying swords and spears, dragging a naked woman and a chubby boy by a rope. No, he was willing to bet his left nut that even officer Mac had never seen such a thing.

~ Brom

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

~ George Carlin

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.

~ Eoin Colfer

Sascha nodded. Want me to wait?Do I want my mate to wait in a deserted forest while a dangerous Psy fugitive remains on the loose? Wait, let me think.Sarcasm does not suit you. She kissed him again, laughter in her eyes.

~ Nalini Singh

Fine. Okay. I killed her. But I didn’t mean to. And I didn’t kill her, kill her.”“Oh, I see. As long as you didn’t kill her, kill her, then that’s okay.

~ Karen Marie Moning

Owr brave little shank!

~ James Dashner

That's the spirit! Make it chicken broth or nothing. That's putting the old foot down. If she's determined to have a nervous breakdown, the least we can do is see that she doesn't have it in peace.

~ J.d. Salinger