Humor Quotes

Justice shall be mixed with mercy. You shall not always be an Ass.

~ C.s. Lewis

His experience was that Justice was rarely as just as it ought to be. The others agreed.

~ Jonas Jonasson

Nothing amuses people more than a cocky guy who starts losing.

~ Criss Jami

As far as I'm concerned, the gator that ate T.C. deserves a medal from Crime Stoppers.

~ Carl Hiaasen

I don't see any reason to let law interfere with justice around here. We never did before.

~ Sid Fleischman

Absolutely. Justice served with a side of pineapple. That's what I'm here for.

~ Intisar Khanani

She had a highly developed sense of humor which in some lights looked a bit like a sense of justice.

~ Catherynne M. Valente

The good part about having a mental disorder is having a valid reason for all the stupid things we do because of a damaged prefrontal cortex. However, the best part is seeing someone completely sane do the exact same things, without a valid excuse. This is the great equalizer of God and his little gift for all us crazy people to enjoy.

~ Shannon L. Alder

Kid Flash: Sorry. First time at the Hall. I'm a little overwhelmed.Robin: You're overwhelmed. Freeze was underwhelmed. Why isn't anyone just whelmed?

~ Young Justice

If you tell me the truth, the truth I’ll proclaim.If you tell me a lie, you’ll be fair game.

~ Belva Rae Staples

Lem glowered. Your lion friends ride into some village, take all the food and every coin they find, and call it foraging. the wolves as well, so why not us? no one robbed you, dog. You just been good and foraged.

~ George R.r. Martin

...A person who is headstrong enough to open their eyes and their heart to the full depth and weight of the world is inviting in everything out there - both evil and good, both dark and light, and the sheer bravery of that openness enables them to gain profound insight into the human condition. It also fucks them up. It may even make them more prone to stick their head in an oven than to engage in self-promotional chitchat on Jay Leno.

~ Patricia Pearson

When I came out of anesthesia, I wanted two things: my husband and my dog. They wouldn't let the dog in the recovery room.

~ Sandy Nathan

One knows so well the popular idea of health: the English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the unbeatable.

~ Oscar Wilde

He thought, Yeah. Yeah, non-smokers live seven years longer. Which seven will be subtracted by the god called Time? It won't be that convulsive, heart-bursting spell between twenty-eight and thirty-five. No. It'll be that really cool bit between eighty-six and ninety-three.

~ Martin Amis

The Hazeldean heart was a proverbial boast in the family; the Hazeldeans privately considered it more distinguished than the Sillerton gout, and far more refined than the Wesson liver; and it had permitted most of them to survive, in valetudinarian ease, to a ripe old age, when they died of some quite other disorder. But Charles Hazeldean had defied it, and it took its revenge, and took it savagely.

~ Edith Wharton

If illness' end be health regained then I Will pay you, Asculapeus, when I die.

~ Adelaide Crapsey

Find 100 reasons to laugh. You are bound to feel better, you will cope with problems more effectively and people will enjoy being around you. Besides unhappiness, what do you have to lose?

~ Steve Goodier

It's much more difficult to maintain personal hygiene if you're obese. Believe it or not, I've found items like remote controls and packages of cigarettes in people's fat rolls.

~ Jan Garavaglia

If you don't smell good, then you don't look good.

~ Katy Elizabeth

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

~ Dave Barry

An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.

~ Brian Spellman

I used to jog but it's bad for the knees. Too much beta carotene turns you orange, too much calcium gives you kidney stones. Health kills.

~ Margaret Atwood

A sneeze can never be to far away

~ Benny Bellamacina

When the only exorcise you get is running for a bus, get more buses!

~ Benny Bellamacina

The arrival of a good clown exercises a more beneficial influence upon the health of a town than twenty asses laden with drugs.

~ Thomas Sydenham

Try jogging when following your heart, it's healthier

~ Benny Bellamacina

Never miss a party...good for the nerves--like celery.

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

A dialysis patient's life is hard. Laugh harder.

~ Bob Northam

101 Reasons why its great to be a woman:We have an excuse to justify an inordinate indulgence in bitchiness: It's clearly feminine intuition.

~ Summersdale Publishers

A woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a hot Texas day.

~ Cheldoncooper

Or the woman in front of me in the security line who asked if they would put her cat, Dave, through the luggage X-ray machine because she wanted to see if he'd eaten a necklace.

~ Jenny Lawson

It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful.

~ Janet Evanovich

Push my buttons, and I'll push you off a bridge. 

~ Karen Quan

There are men who wants only the woman; such are tagged, 'real men', and there are ones who want only their bodies; such are tagged, 'fake men', and there are others who wants neither the woman, nor the body; such are tagged, 'GAY MEN

~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth

~ Josh Stern

One who is seeking the truth sooner or later finds a woman.

~ Sergey Vedenyo

They say a woman's loyalty only lasts as long as it takes her to hang up and dial again.

~ Kim Gatlin

Only the good die young, the bad petite-mort

~ Josh Stern

Sometimes people are often confused between attitude and style. Nevermind, I'm Awesome.

~ Yugesh Ralli