Famous Quotes

I stood my ground. You evil scientist are all the same--evil. Count me out.Fang and I brushed past Mr. God and walked quickly but smoothly to the exit. It was barely noon, and I'd already made a huge enemy.Dang, I'm good.

~ James Patterson

What are you doing? Ya! said Jane, whirling around, her hands held up menacingly. It was Mr. Nobley with coat, hat, and cane, watching her with wide eyes. Jane took several quick (but oh so casual) steps away from Martin's window. Um, did I just say, 'Ya'? You just said 'Ya,' he confirmed. If I am not mistaken, it was a battle cry, warning that you were about to attack me.I, uh... She stopped to laugh. I wasn't aware until this precise and awkward moment that when startled in a startled in a strange place, my instincts would have me pretend to be a ninja.

~ Shannon Hale

A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two… succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course.

~ Jim Butcher

Principal Principal: Where's your late pass, mister?Errant Student: I'm on my way to get one now. PP: But you can't be in the hall without a pass. ES: I know, I'm so upset. That's why I need to hurry, so I can get a pass. Principal Principal pauses with a look on his face like Daffy Duck's when Bugs is pulling a fast one. PP: Well, hurry up, then, and get that pass.

~ Laurie Halse Anderson

Fire wants to burn Water wants to flow Air wants to rise Earth wants to bindChaos wants to devourCal wants to live

~ Cassandra Clare

Are you going to tell me what that was about?” Adam asked as we went back upstairs.“Sometime,” I told him. “When we're telling ghost stories around a campfire, and I want to scare you.

~ Patricia Briggs

I realized then what had happened.She had turned us--all of us, except for Mouse--into great, gaunt, long-legged hounds.Wonderful! Lea said, pirouetting upon one toe, laughing. Come, children! And she leapt off into the jungle, nimble and swift as a doe.A bunch of us dogs stood around for a moment, just sort of staring at one another..

~ Jim Butcher

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

~ James Thurber

Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.

~ Terry Pratchett

But you can't stay with people because of guilt. Or because they can drive a speedboat.

~ Sophie Kinsella

Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

~ Justin Halpern

Black Court vampires. I just shortened it some.Ebenezar tsked. Blampires. That's the problem with you young people. Shortening all the words.

~ Jim Butcher

I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it sir because it would be the dominant species on the planet. None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay

~ David Wong

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

~ Anonymous

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

~ Dave Barry

Shane, in case we don’t … don’t come out of this, I wanted to say…”He glanced over at her, and she felt her whole body warm from it. She remembered that look. It made her feel naked inside and out, but not in a creepy kind of way. In a way that felt…. Free. “If what you say is true, and I guess it has to be, I think I know why we’re … together,” he said. “I think I’d fall for you no matter what, Claire. You’re kind of awesome.

~ Rachel Caine

Why, aren’t you just about as sweet as syrup on a sundae? I sure would appreciate that, ma’am.” He winked. “How’d you like ta stroll the deck of this fine ship with me and watch the sunset? I need a purty girl to put her arm around me and steady this bow-legged cowboy as he finds his sea legs.” I raised an eyebrow and affected a southern accent. “Why, I think you’re a pullin’ my leg there, Texas. You’ve had your sea legs a lot longer than I have.” He rubbed the stubble on his face. “You might be right at that. Well then, how about you taggin’ along to keep me warm?” “It’s about eighty degrees.” “Shoot, you’re a smart one, you are. Then how ‘bout I jes say that a feller can get pretty lonesome by hisself in a strange country and he’d like to keep compn’y with you fer a while longer.

~ Colleen Houck

Church was doing what he often did when dropped - lying on his back with all four legs in the air, pretending to be dead in order to induce guilt in his owners.

~ Cassandra Clare

Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.

~ J.k. Rowling

Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.

~ Jim Butcher

What? Jace was still staring at her as if she'd told him she'd found one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway.

~ Cassandra Clare

Nobody comes here anymore, its too crowded

~ Yogi Berra

You just noticed? You're slow...

~ Tite Kubo

We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!

~ Graham Chapman

You see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments.”“Yeah,” said Harry, “but you, unlike me, are a git.

~ J.k. Rowling

Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?

~ Chuck Palahniuk

Join us next time for Days of the Undead when Rachel learns her long lost brother is really a crown prince from outer space.

~ Kim Harrison

What, you didn’t pack your lunch?” Ty asked sarcastically as he shifted around in the seat and wedged himself against the door. He kicked a foot up and propped it on the console between the two front seats. “Sure, in my SpongeBob SquarePants lunch box. I have the thermos, too,” Morrison shot right back. Zane kept his mouth shut, eyes moving between the two men, and occasionally back to the driver, who was casually paying attention. Ty stared at the kid and narrowed his eyes further. “Spongewhat?” he asked flatly. Zane didn’t even try to hold back the chuckle when Morrison looked at Ty like he’d lost his mind. “Spongewha … you’re yanking my chain, aren’t you?” Morrison said. “Henny, he’s yanking my chain.” “Yeah, well, that’s what you getting for waving it in his face,” the driver answered reasonably. “What the hell is a SpongeBob?” Ty asked Zane quietly in the backseat.

~ Madeleine Urban

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The lastpresent you gave me was a stick.”“You wanted a weapon.”“It was a stick.”“It had a bow on it.”“It was a stick.”“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.

~ Derek Landy

It was one thing to snuggle a little when the world seemed about to end, and quite another to explain to her parents that she wanted to date an ancient magical horse.

~ Brandon Mull

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.-Calvin

~ Bill Watterson

So let me get this straight. You were living in a tent in the woods, but now you're living with Prince Charming and anger management boy? SERIOUSLY?!

~ Natsuki Takaya

When you choose a man who thinks eight seconds is a long time, perhaps you need two of them. Hmm?

~ Cat Johnson

Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.

~ Eugene Mirman

The ill-informed masses included her own family among their ranks, a family that specialized in being both inconvenient and asinine.

~ Gail Carriger

There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.

~ Werner Heisenberg

Now we're going to save a bunch of dirty meatsacks from a bunch of dirty cannibals? Why don't we rescue some orphaned kittens and put food out for stray puppies while we're at it?

~ Julie Kagawa

Why can't these American women stay in their own country? They are always telling us that it is the paradise for women.It is. That is the reason why, like Eve, they are so excessively anxious to get out of it.

~ Oscar Wilde

If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.

~ Steven Wright