Famous Quotes

She accused me of wearing pants from the salvation army.Rose, your pants ARE from the salvation army.That's SO not the point!

~ Richelle Mead

Michael has never cried during a Broadway show. Except in that scene where Tarzan's ape father is brutally murdered.And that was only because he was laughing so hard.

~ Meg Cabot

It is often argued that religion is valuable because it makes men good, but even if this were true it would not be a proof that religion is true. That would be an extension of pragmatism beyond endurance. Santa Claus makes children good in precisely the same way, and yet no one would argue seriously that the fact proves his existence. The defense of religion is full of such logical imbecilities. The theologians, taking one with another, are adept logicians, but every now and then they have to resort to sophistries so obvious that their whole case takes on an air of the ridiculous. Even the most logical religion starts out with patently false assumptions. It is often argued in support of this or that one that men are so devoted to it that they are willing to die for it. That, of course, is as silly as the Santa Claus proof. Other men are just as devoted to manifestly false religions, and just as willing to die for them. Every theologian spends a large part of his time and energy trying to prove that religions for which multitudes of honest men have fought and died are false, wicked, and against God.

~ H.l. Mencken

I would love to slap you right now, but I’m currently wielding a nine pound ball and I’m afraid that would be called murder.

~ Sara Wolf

Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work.

~ Sarah Rees Brennan

I loved you way before you ever had a chance to put a spell on me. I loved you at 'I've never been to Long Island,' Zach said.I couldn't keep a big goofy grin from my face.I loved you at 'I like seals,' I admitted. He grinned back.

~ Meg Cabot

Mrs. Spence picks up a roll of toilet paper from the counter and scrunches her nose.“Ask Caymen about that,” Xander says.Great, now I have to explain to his mother about my vandalism? “Your son called me with a toilet paper emergency. I rushed right over.”She looks confused so Xander says, “She’s kidding, Mom.

~ Kasie West

I still love him so much I'll hide any amount of conjugated estrogen in his food. So much I'll do anything to destroy him.

~ Chuck Palahniuk

Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?

~ Erma Bombeck

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

~ Mark Twain

It smells terrible in here.'Well, what do you expect? The human body, when confined, produces certain odors which we tend to forget in this age of deodorants and other perversions. Actually, I find the atmosphere of this room rather comforting. Schiller needed the scent of apples rotting in his desk in order to write. I, too, have my needs. You may remember that Mark Twain preferred to lie supinely in bed while composing those rather dated and boring efforts which contemporary scholars try to prove meaningful. Veneration of Mark Twain is one of the roots of our current intellectual stalemate.

~ John Kennedy Toole

I hear your insults and plan to silence them with my victory.

~ Claudia Gray

I'm a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it. You know who else was kind of divisive in terms of challenging the status quo and the powers-that-be of his day? Jesus Christ.

~ Ann Coulter

It's the perfect solution. We argue all the time. We can't stand each other. It's like we're already married.

~ Lisa Kleypas

HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers.

~ Ambrose Bierce

A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn't belong in a smart people's club.

~ Stephen King

The one I felt and still feel most is lack of time. I used to have time to think, to reflect, my mind and I. We would sit together of an evening and listen to the inner melodies of the spirit, which one hears only in leisure moments when the words ofsome loved poet touch a deep, sweet chord in the soul that until then had been silent. But in college there is no time to commune with one's thoughts. One goes to college to learn, it seems, not to think. When one enters the portals of learning, one leaves the dearest pleasures--solitude, books and imagination--outside with the whispering pines. I suppose I ought to find some comfort in the thought that I am laying up treasures for future enjoyment, but I am improvident enough to prefer present joy to hoarding riches against a rainy day.

~ Helen Keller

The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.

~ Josh Lanyon

Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.

~ Shelly Laurenston

We are gods with anuses.

~ Ernest Becker

Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie.

~ Michelle Hodkin

I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one else.

~ Oscar Wilde

When one thing takes another away, what do we call that?” she asked my class. “Homicide!” I called out

~ Chris Colfer

It's just another of Robin's sayings. Like, 'Holy strawberries, Batman, we're in a jam! Or, Holy Kleenex, Batman, it was right under our nose and we blew it!

~ Karen Marie Moning

All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money.

~ Rupaul

A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

~ P.g. Wodehouse

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

~ Steven Wright

The wolf said, You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone. Red Riding Hood said, I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way.

~ James Finn Garner

Nix to Declan:Begin transcript—Testing. Hello, hellooo, anybody out there? Check, check, one, two. Soft pee. Puh, puh. Resonance! Sooooooft pee. Alpha bravo disco tango duck.This is Nïx! I’m the Ever-Knowing One, a goddess incandescent, incomparable, and irresistible. But enough about what you think of me. It’s a beautiful day in New Orleans. The wind is out of the east at a steady five knots and clouds look like rabbits … But enough about what you think of me!Now, down to business—Squirrel!Where was I? [Long pause] Why am I in Regin’s car? Bertil, you crawl right back out of that bong this minute!Oh, I remember! I am hereby laying down this track for Magister Declan Chase. If you are a mortal of the recorder peon class, know that Dekko and I go waaaaay back, and he’ll go berserk (snicker snicker) if he doesn’t receive this transmittal. …Chase, riddle me this: what’s beautiful but monstrous, long of tooth but sharp of tooth and soft of mind, and can never ever tell a lie?That’s right. The Enemy of Old can be very useful to you. So use him already.P.S. Your middle name’s about to be spelled r-e-g-r-e-t.And with that, I must bid you adieu. Don’t worry, we’ll catch up very soon. …[Muffled] Who’s mummy’s wittle echolocator? That’s right—you are!—End transcript

~ Kresley Cole

I'm dying! Malfoy yelled, as the class panicked. I'm dying, look at me! It's killed me!

~ J.k. Rowling

Trust me, Wilbur. People are very gullible. They'll believe anything they see in print.

~ E.b. White

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

~ Dorothy Parker

Listen, street punk. You're a guy, and you're a couple inches taller, and maybe forty pounds heavier, and ooh, you're in a gang. But I've survived ten years of Catholic school, and I will cut you off at your knees without a blink. Do you understand?

~ James Patterson

She had not made a decision to give up sex, only the clamor of romance, because it was exhausting her, doing her no good and too much harm...

~ Michelle Herman

Was that you, Pooky Bear?

~ Susan Ee

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.

~ Alan Bradley

That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger,” said Snape coolly. “Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all.

~ J.k. Rowling

If someone called me chubby, it would no longer be something that kept me up late at night. Being called fat is not like being called stupid or unfunny, which is the worst thing you could ever say to me. Do I envy Jennifer Hudson for being able to lose all that weight and look smokin’ hot? Of course, yes. Do I sometimes look at Gisele Bundchen and wonder how awesome life would be if I never had to wear Spanx? Duh, of course. That’s kind of the point of Gisele Bundchen. And maybe I will, once or twice, for a very short period of time. But on the list of things I want to do in my lifetime, that’s not near the top. I mean, it’s not near the bottom either. I’d say it’s right above “Learn to drive a vespa,” but several notches below “film a chase scene for a movie.

~ Mindy Kaling

An open Facebook page is simply a psychiatric dry erase board that screams, “Look at me. I am insecure. I need your reaction to what I am doing, but you’re not cool enough to be my friend. Therefore, I will just pray you see this because the approval of God is not all I need.

~ Shannon L. Alder

Mr Lorry asks the witness questions:Ever been kicked? Might have been.Frequently? No. Ever kicked down stairs? Decidedly not; once received a kick at the top of a staircase, and fell down stairs of his own accord.

~ Charles Dickens