Funny Quotes

There were no windows in my bedroom, so I had to sit up and read my clock to figure out how angry I should be at my visitor. Eight A.M. I hated whoever woke me up. Had they come an hour earlier, I would have also hated their families and any household pets.

~ Lish Mcbride

Percy looked at his friends. “I’m getting tired of this guy’s shirt.

~ Rick Riordan

Get me outa here. F*ckin' creepy cheerleaders.

~ Lisa Mcmann

Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?' 'No. Answers. There's a difference-' 'Really? How? What difference?' 'Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y'can always tell those,'cause those don't explain nothing and then they look at you like they just cleared things up when really they did the opposite and they know it and you know it and they know you know and you know they know that you know and they know you and you know them and maybe you go out for a pitcher later but who picks up the tab? That's what I want to know.' 'Right, and answers?' 'Answers is what I get when I ask questions. Answers is when you got no choice. I ask, you tell. I ask again, you tell some more. Then I break your fingers, 'cause I don't like what you're telling me, because those answers don't explain nothing!

~ Steven Erikson

Whenever I think of something but can't think of what it was I was thinking of, I can't stop thinking until I think I'm thinking of it again. I think I think too much.

~ Criss Jami

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

~ Amit Kalantri

Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.

~ Amit Kalantri

When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry.

~ Amit Kalantri

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.

~ H.l. Mencken

A poet or philosopher should have no fault to find with his age if it only permits him to do his work undisturbed in his own corner, nor with his fate if the corner granted him allows of his following his vocation without having to think about other people.

~ Arthur Schopenhauer

I think I exist, therefore I exist. I think.

~ David Gerrold

To be, or not to be: what a question!

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time.

~ Sandra Chami Kassis

I started studying law, but this I could stand just for one semester. I couldn't stand more. Then I studied languages and literature for two years. After two years I passed an examination with the result I have a teaching certificate for Latin and Hungarian for the lower classes of the gymnasium, for kids from 10 to 14. I never made use of this teaching certificate. And then I came to philosophy, physics, and mathematics. In fact, I came to mathematics indirectly. I was really more interested in physics and philosophy and thought about those. It is a little shortened but not quite wrong to say: I thought I am not good enough for physics and I am too good for philosophy. Mathematics is in between.

~ George Pólya

Hey, I am thinking of it myself, in this part of world (East), we all do endeavors in praying and are sweating (white liquid) and this is our situation, frustrated , but on the other part of world (West) ,they are enjoying in party and drinking liquor (white liquid) but their situation is that, successful, I do not know that the problem relates to the type of liquid or the way of drinking!!

~ Ali Shariati

With a philosophy education, one can infuriate his peers, intimidate his date, think of obscure, unreliable ways to make money, and never regret a thing.

~ Criss Jami

If one million of you give assent to the one thousand who participate in the murder of a child, then one million of you are a million times guilty.

~ Compton Gage

No crime is a means to an end. No crime can be rationalized.

~ Compton Gage

If one thousand of you participate in the murder of one child, then one thousand of you are a thousand times guilty.

~ Compton Gage

I mean really, how could an artistic individual stay grounded in the nitty-gritty of how many minutes per pound meat has to stay in the oven when trying to fathom the creative philosophy behind the greatest artistic minds of the world?

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways. ~ Amunhotep El Bey

~ Amunhotep El Bey

To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.

~ Criss Jami

Odd, though, all these dealings of mine with myself. First I’ve agreed a principle withmyself, now I’m making out a case to myself, and debating my own feelings andintentions with myself. Who is this self, this phantom internal partner, with whom I’mentering into all these arrangements? (I ask myself.)

~ Michael Frayn

Odd, though, all these dealings of mine with myself. First I’ve agreed a principle with myself, now I’m making out a case to myself, and debating my own feelings and intentions with myself. Who is this self, this phantom internal partner, with whom I’m entering into all these arrangements? (I ask myself.)

~ Michael Frayn

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.

~ Erica Jong

I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?

~ Jess C. Scott

Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity.

~ Skyla Madi

[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)

~ Jess C. Scott

Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.

~ Criss Jami

The Dimwit's Guide to the Female Mind might assist your efforts in understanding human females. But it must be pointed out that this subject can be a dangerous adventure and should be undertaken with extreme caution. After all, human males have been trying to understand their females for generations, and most of the time they come away from these encounters looking like someone stuck their tails into an electric socket.

~ Anne Bishop

Go slowly, so that you do not bite your tail by accident.

~ Christopher Paolini

Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.

~ Ellen Degeneres

Don't be afraid to be afraid. Have fear, and then conquer the shit out of it.

~ D. Antoinette Foy

A true friend doesn't have guts, they beat you up and later plead with you to beat them back.

~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.

~ George R.r. Martin

Women were created gullible. It they weren't no babies would be born.

~ Dakota Dawn

I never feel unsafe except for when the majority is on my side.

~ Criss Jami

Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn 18!Okaaay. ~sigh~ Due to the times, you can kick them out between the ages of 28-38. Can someone please dramatically reduce the cost of housing, already?~SHEESH~

~ Dakota Dawn

All of them are the same type; girls with overprocessed hair and too much makeup and way too much access to Daddy’s credit cards. Girls who, if you took away the designer labels, hair dye and cover-up, wouldn’t be more than average-looking, but with all that stuff look too plastic to be pretty.

~ Hannah Harrington

We losers don't fear death. For us it's the end of a lifelong losing spell.

~ Dakota Dawn