Humor Quotes

Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back.

~ J.k. Rowling

Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.

~ Suzanne Collins

The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important.It was probably important to her.

~ Rick Riordan

Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?

~ J.r.r. Tolkien

Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.

~ Bill Watterson

You possess other people's...bodies.He accepted that statement with a nod.Do you want to possess my body?I want to do a lot of things to your body, but that's not one of them.

~ Becca Fitzpatrick

He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy...

~ J.k. Rowling

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

~ Groucho Marx

Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.

~ Tamora Pierce

The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.

~ Jay Mcinerney

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

~ Dr. Seuss

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.

~ Madonna

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

~ George Carlin

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.

~ Mo Willems

I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?

~ Cassandra Clare

Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.

~ Rick Riordan

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

~ Dorothy Parker

In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day.

~ Rick Riordan

It is forbidden to kill, therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.

~ Voltaire

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!

~ Dr. Seuss

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

~ Douglas Adams

Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys.

~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.

~ Christopher Paolini

A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?

~ Cassandra Clare

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

~ Douglas Adams

Dreams like a podcast,Downloading truth in my ears.They tell me cool stuff.Apollo? I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.He put his finger to his lips. I'm incognito. Call me Fred.A god named Fred?

~ Rick Riordan

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.

~ Neil Gaiman

You're an idiot.I've never claimed to be otherwise.

~ Cassandra Clare

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.

~ Orson Welles

I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style,park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with. Case in point, those darned Harry Potter movies. That was so not what that part-Veela-chick, Fleur Delacour, looked like.

~ Karen Marie Moning

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

~ Dorothy Parker

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

~ Eoin Colfer

Jace shook his blond head in exasperation. You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?

~ Cassandra Clare

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

~ George Bernard Shaw

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

~ Terry Pratchett

The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.

~ Nikolai Gogol

My rapier wit hides my inner pain.

~ Cassandra Clare

Headline? he asked.'Swing Set Needs Home,' I said.'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,' he said.'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,' I said.

~ John Green

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

~ Charles Lamb

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

~ Oscar Wilde