Humor Quotes

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are a subject to a good many different ailments, but I have never heard of one who has suffered from insomnia.

~ Joseph Wood Krutch

The best thing to learn from any government is that it does not get affacted by what other people talk or think about it.

~ Amit Kalantri

It's kind of depressing, if you think about it. I mean, me being so young, and yet so cynical and suspicious.

~ Meg Cabot

G. I. Gurdieff, Beelzebub's Tales to His GrandsonSo-and-so-and-so-must-be; do-not-do-what-must-not-be. Mullah's favorite saying. p. 598

~ Gurdieff

I'm not really putting this very well. My point is this: This book contains precisely zero Important Life Lessons, or Little-Known Facts About Love, or sappy tear-jerking Moments When We Knew We Had Left Our Childhood Behind for Good, or whatever. And, unlike most books in which a girl gets cancer, there are definitely no sugary paradoxical single-sentence-paragraphs that you're supposed to think are deep because they're in italics. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about sentences like this:The cancer had taken her eyeballs, yet she saw the world with more clarity than ever before.Barf. Forget it. For me personally, things are in no way more meaningful because I got to know Rachel before she died. If anything, things are less meaningful. All right?

~ Jesse Andrews

There is a meaning of life but I've been sworn to secrecy.

~ Brian Spellman

I decided that life rationally considered seemed pointless and futile, but it is still interesting in a variety of ways, including the study of science. So why not carry on, following the path of scientific hedonism? Besides, I did not have the courage for the more rational procedure of suicide.

~ Robert S. Mulliken

There is something stunningly narrow about how the Anthropic Principle is phrased. Yes, only certain laws and constants of nature are consistent with our kind of life. But essentially the same laws and constants are required to make a rock. So why not talk about a Universe designed so rocks could one day come to be, and strong and weak Lithic Principles? If stones could philosophize, I imagine Lithic Principles would be at the intellectual frontiers.

~ Carl Sagan

A VIP area is nothing without not-so-important people.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I sort of kind of said something a little like that but maybe not clearly enough to sound like that... But it's what I meant.

~ Mary Eva Swatek

Never underestimate yourself

~ Carolyn Mackler

Aren't fairy godmothers supposed to be nice and make you feel better about yourself?...No, you're confusing fairy godmothers with sales clerks.

~ Janette Rallison

There are no mirrors of any kind in here. If there were, I’d want to smash them, but I wouldn’t. Instead, I’d probably just stare at them, giving myself negative affirmations.

~ Rasmenia Massoud

If I had a daughter, here's what I'd tell her: One day, when you've worked hard for what you want, when people see that you are confident and intelligent and that you recognize your own self-worth, when you take care of yourself, support yourself, and stand up for yourself, that is the day that the world will call you a cruel and selfish bitch. It's a tough title to earn and you should be and proud of it.

~ Patricia V. Davis

The perfect body protects its owner from disease, gives birth to amazing new people and stops your bones from falling out. The end.

~ Heather Hill

I’m creating a self help show called Self Talk. I’ll insult myself for an hour then open phone lines to a fitness coach & my mother-in-law.

~ Ryan Lilly

If you're stressing over happiness, you're doing it wrong!

~ Shannon L. Alder

I realized that I was okay with myself. I was quirky and withdrawn and loud, but I liked that. I smiled at strangers without thinking they were going to attack me and drag me into their cars. I went to doctors’ offices and touched magazines that had been touched by sick people.

~ Anna White

I naively believe that self-love is 80 percent of the solution, that it helps beyond words to take yourself through the day as you would with your most beloved mental-patient relative, with great humor and lots of small treats.

~ Anne Lamott

When it comes to your self-esteem, it is best not to value the opinions of deluded psychopaths.

~ Rosen Trevithick

It’s not easy remembering the good times.

~ Cecelia Ahern

If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse

~ Josh Stern

That's when it hit me. I had to go through a lot of bad relationships first, but I'd finally found him. My very own Prince Charming. Turns out they do exist.Touché, Cinderella. Touché.

~ Cindi Madsen

Why are we learning about the past, when this is History?

~ Galinda Glinda

Once past the comfort zone in either direction, humans soon lost the ability to discriminate bad from worse.

~ Roger Zelazny

Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the Midol.

~ Denise Jaden

Nothing builds confidence like live ammo.

~ Tim Dorsey

He thinks himself rather an exceptional young man, thoroughly sophisticated, well adjusted to his environment, and somewhat more significant than any one else he knows.

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control

~ Josh Stern

I don't get it. I'm sexually attractive to a remarkable degree-And humble.It's not bragging if it's true. And I'm his-which means, this is in the bag. Or should be.

~ Kresley Cole

He just wasn’t into flaunting his awesomeness, but sometimes a person’s awesomeness simply flaunts itself, even when you politely ask it not to.

~ Sage Steadman

I don't mind people talking about me behind my back. It means they know me, and I'm out in front.

~ David Lucero

In life we have our trophy people. These are the ones we work hard for, we are proud of. We want to show them off to our family, our friends, we want them on our arm at company functions. We take pictures with them to let everyone know we feel like a winner and we are happy.Then you have your participation ribbons, the ribbons you get just for simply showing up. You didn't have to earn it, it was just given to you. These things usually end up in a drawer somewhere, maybe you pick them up again when you are bored and say that was a fun night, I wonder if they are still handing out these things? but you don't tell people about it, nothing to be proud of.

~ Brittany Williams

Never speak unless you can improve upon the stupidness of people's silence.

~ Shannon L. Alder

Some women are built by the fire. Yet, there are some that are the FIRE!

~ Shannon L. Alder

Be confident because the odds are in your favor.' He clears his throat, like talking this much hurts him. 'Not because you're a special snowflake.

~ Hannah Moskowitz

I don’t even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell.

~ Shannon L. Alder

It's not that I can't express myself,it's that I still feel present when I'm not expressing myself.

~ Kim Myungsoo

Never second guess yourself. Or do, maybe. Whatever you feel good about.

~ Dan Florence

I am so stupid, so easily fooled. It's really almost funny. If I could lift a finger I would gladly kill myself.

~ Will Christopher Baer