Wit Quotes

Never speak unless you can improve upon the stupidness of people's silence.

~ Shannon L. Alder

Never ask while you are doing it if what you are doing is fun. Don't introduce even your most reliably witty acquaintance as someone who will set the table on a roar.

~ Christopher Hitchens

If you cant beat 'em cooperate 'em to death!

~ Charles M. Schulz

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there.

~ Amit Kalantri

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang.

~ Amit Kalantri

Just bring your wits. Sometimes that's the most effective weapon any of us has.

~ Jean Ferris

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

~ Terry Pratchett

(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

~ Terry Pratchett

Worry wasn’t an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed—and it worried him.

~ Sol Luckman

If Jack had followed him instead of trying to reclaim his car, he would undoubtedly have voiced his disappointment that they were not yet shooting laser cannons. Frankly, Richard thought dodging the police’s bullets would be problematic enough.

~ Alexander Ferrick

Wit had conquered science by laughing it out of court.

~ Philip Schuyler Allen

By doing ordinary actions efficiently you will become the best among ordinary, but you will not be an extraordinary.

~ Amit Kalantri

I should think a dead language would be rather boring, sociallyspeaking.

~ Sol Luckman

Spanish—how shall I say this?—is likePortuguese spoken with a speech impediment.

~ Sol Luckman

Man has been bestowed with all the senses, Alas! What a drama, we are yet to know the art of using it!

~ Ramana Pemmaraju

Have you ever noticed how good things go to those who hate?

~ Sol Luckman

I have a different idea of elegance. I don't dress like a fop, it's true, but my moral grooming is impeccable. I never appear in public with a soiled conscience, a tarnished honor, threadbare scruples, or an insult that I haven't washed away. I'm always immaculately clean, adorned with independence and frankness. I may not cut a stylish figure, but I hold my soul erect. I wear my deeds as ribbons, my wit is sharper then the finest mustache, and when I walk among men I make truths ring like spurs.

~ Edmond Rostand

Are you all right?''How do I look?''Um… You have raven hair, brown eyes and bronzed skin if you didn’t know, and you’re… human.

~ Melita Tessy

True, beneath the human façade, I was an interloper, an alien whose ship had crashed beyond hope of repair in the backwoods of Southern Appalachia—but at least I’d learned to walk and talk enough like the locals to be rejected as one of their own.

~ Sol Luckman

You will have relatively less problems to solve, if you don't confuse problems with inconveniences.

~ Amit Kalantri

I decided to do the easy task of changing situations and conditions by being a hero, than staying back to do the difficult task of changing people by being just a man.

~ Amit Kalantri

Memories make you sentimental, experiences make you smart.

~ Amit Kalantri

I agree that sometimes it is difficult to choose between right and wrong, but not between right and stupid.

~ Amit Kalantri

Remember, crowd doesn't care about common sense.

~ Amit Kalantri

Majority wins, but majority is not necessarily right and sometimes majority is awfully wrong.

~ Amit Kalantri

Growing age can kill the beauty, not the style.

~ Amit Kalantri

Am I afraid of ghosts? My life experience has taught me to be much more afraid of what a human is capable of in broad daylight than what a ghost is capable of at night.

~ Steve Maraboli

All women may not be beautiful but every woman can look beautiful.

~ Amit Kalantri

Money, Gun and Lie can solve almost all the problems.

~ Amit Kalantri

The distrust of wit is the beginning of tyranny.

~ Edward Abbey

One of the strongest natural proofs of the folly of hereditary right in kings, is, that nature disapproves it, otherwise, she would not so frequently turn it into ridicule by giving mankind an ass for a lion.

~ Thomas Paine

All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God.

~ Voltaire

[Obituary of atheist philosopher Richard Robinson]An Atheist's Values is one of the best short accounts of liberalism (a term Robinson accepted) and humanism (a term he ignored) produced during the present century, all the more powerful for its lucidity and moderation, its wit and wisdom. It may now seem old-fashioned, but during those confused alarms of struggle and fight between the ignorant armies of left and right, thousands of readers must have taken inspiration from Richard Robinson's rational defence of rationalism.It is a pity that it is now out of print, when there is still so much nonsense and so little sense in the world.

~ Nicolas Walter

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

~ Sid Ziff

The height of cleverness is in one's ability to be very clever without seeming clever at all.

~ Criss Jami

Have a selective optimistic sight, transform the bitch glitch in stitches.

~ Angelica Hopes

I've been so thoroughly incorporated into the California culture that I practice meditation and go to a therapist, even though I always set a trap: during my meditation I invent stories to keep from being bored, and in therapy I invent stories to keep from boring the psychologist.

~ Isabel Allende

Reason leavened with a little wit (if possible) is the real alternative to hate speech, meaning that there's no better time for it.

~ Walter Kirn

I wouldn’t be caught dead sacrificing myself for this country.

~ Sol Luckman

Analysis is soul of thought and ghost of wit.

~ Raheel Farooq