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Humor quote from classy quote

Mulling this over, Vlad wiped her lip gloss from his lips with the back of his hand.Vampires, after all, didn't sparkle.

~ Heather Brewer

Heather Brewer Fantasy Humor

Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?

~ William Makepeace Thackeray

William Makepeace Thackeray Classics Humor Satire Vanity

The sh*t's gonna splatter, start buggin, yo...Mencheres to Cat

~ Jeaniene Frost

Jeaniene Frost Bones Cat Humor

Before I could lose my courage, I said, Don't I get a kiss for luck? It's kind of a tradition, right?I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the army marching toward us. Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then, we'll see.

~ Rick Riordan

Rick Riordan Humor Kiss Percabeth

Yo, beautiful. Come pop this collar off me.”Natalya hissed, “Are you mad?”“What’s she gonna do? Vivisect me? Imprison me? We’ve got a pact to fulfill,remember?” To Dorada, she cried, “Seriously, sweetheart, shake that mummified ass over here.”Regin kicked the glass. “Lemme the fuck out—”La Dorada swung her head around,peering at Regin with her one eye.“Okay. That’s freaky. Lookit, Gollum, if you spring me, I’ll help you find your Precious.

~ Kresley Cole

Kresley Cole Dreams Of A Dark Warrior Funny Gollum Humor Kresley Cole Regin

His mouth captured hers, trying to show her with his kiss what he was still learning to express in words. He loved her.He worshipped her. He'd walk across fire for her. He——still had the audience of her three brothers.Slowly breaking the kiss, he turned his face to the side. Anthony, Benedict, and Colin were still standing in the foyer.Anthony was studying the ceiling, Benedict was pretending to inspect his fingernails, and Colin was staring quite shamelessly.

~ Julia Quinn

Julia Quinn Awkward Bridgerton Humor

An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said.'I could have tripped.'She stared at him. A moment dragged by.'I'm joking,' he said at last.She relaxed. 'Really?''Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful.

~ Derek Landy

Derek Landy Humor

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.

~ Lewis Carroll

Lewis Carroll Children Fantasy Literature Humor

But with dogs, we do have bad dog. Bad dog exists. Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog! The dog is saying, Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.

~ Eddie Izzard

Eddie Izzard Bicuit Dog Ethics Humor Race Religion

Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven't met that guy yet. When you meet him, let's get him in to the Smithsonian - he's that special and rare.

~ Steve Harvey

Steve Harvey Humor

Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

~ John Callahan

John Callahan Funny Humor Sex Simile

If reassurances could dull pain, nobody would ever go to the trouble of pressing grapes.

~ Scott Lynch

Scott Lynch Humor Wine

Sed paused in his song, feeling ridiculous for singing it to her while they made love.“Baby, you realize this song is about Trey’s dead dog, don’t you?

~ Olivia Cunning

Olivia Cunning Humor Sex Song

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

Zsa Zsa Gabor Double Entendre Humor Marriage Wisdom

You must have been going very fast.I was, until I hit the fence.

~ Anthony Horowitz

Anthony Horowitz Humor Sarcasm

The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.

~ Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker Humor Money

Bite me, Harry Potter.

~ Meg Cabot

Meg Cabot Humor

I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum

~ Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Evanovich Exercise Humor Plum Stephanie Plum

I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Humor Interrogation Police Violence

I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.

~ Ilona Andrews

Ilona Andrews Books Humor

Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.- Jane

~ J.r. Ward

J.r. Ward Funny Humor Insane In The Membrane

Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.

~ Lili St. Crow

Lili St. Crow Funny Funny As Hell Funny Quotes Funny Stuff Humor Humor Work Humorous Humour Wisdom Writer Writers Block Writers On Writing Writing Writing Philosophy

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Humor

Finding a life partner is like choosing a bed. You need one as a friend either in times of health or sickness. Freshness or weariness. Happiness or sadness. And we can be certain that we've picked the right one without having to sleep with it first.

~ Isman H. Suryaman

Isman H. Suryaman Humor Marriage

So you were going to rescue the Prince! Why did you pretend to run away? To deceive the Witch?Not likely! I'm a coward. Only way I can do something this frightening is to tell myself I'm not doing it!

~ Diana Wynne Jones

Diana Wynne Jones Bravery Cowardice Humor

Talk is cheap. Show me the code.

~ Linus Torvalds

Linus Torvalds Humor Linux Programming

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.

~ George Carlin

George Carlin Humor Logic Religion Science

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous andshallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what youknow ain't so'.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Faith Humor Wit

Apparently, dancing for him and throwing herself at him weren't enough. Apparently, she had to nearly commit murder to arouse him enough to attack her.

~ Gena Showalter

Gena Showalter Humor Lords Of The Underworld Romance Seduction

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

~ Graham Chapman

Graham Chapman Humor Silliness

Finnik?” I say. “Maybe some pants?”
He looks down at his legs as if noticing them for the first time. Then he whips of his hospital gown, leaving him in just is underwear. “Why? Do you find this”-he strikes a ridiculously proactive pose-“distracting?”
I can’t help laughing because it’s funny, and it’s extra funny because Boggs looks so uncomfortable, and I’m happy because Finnik actually sounds like the guy I met at the Quarter Quell.
“I’m only human, Odair.” I get in before the elevator doors close. “Sorry,” I say to Boggs.
“Don’t be. I thought you… handled that well,” He says. “Better than my having to arrest him, anyway.”

Fulvia Cardew hustles over an makes a sound of frustration when she sees my clean face. “All that hard work, down the drain. I’m not blaming you, Katniss. It’s just that very few people are born with camera-ready faces. Like him.” She snags Gale, who’s in a conversation with Plutarch, and spins him towards us. “Isn’t he handsome?”
Gale does look stricking in the uniform, I guess. But the question just embarrasses us both Given our history. I’m trying to think of a witty comeback when Boggs says brusquely, “Well don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

~ Suzanne Collins

Suzanne Collins Finnick Odair Humor

You used nunchucks on a moose?Wolfe got a haunted look in his eyes. I used all sorts of things on that bastard.

~ Richelle Mead

Richelle Mead Humor Malachi Wolfe

Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.

~ Richard Kadrey

Richard Kadrey Humor

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

~ George Carlin

George Carlin Belief Humor

Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion.

~ Gary Larson

Gary Larson Cartoon Humor Satire Social Commentary

Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers.

~ William Shakespeare

William Shakespeare Food Humor

I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is.''I would,' I said, 'but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you.

~ Kristin Walker

Kristin Walker Gods Humor Sarcasm

He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.

~ Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama Fashion Funny Humor Michelle Obama Obama

I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!

~ J.k. Rowling

J.k. Rowling Dursley Harry Potter Humor Magic

What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Humor
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