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Famous quote from classy quote

In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. Do I look dead to you?

~ Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Humor

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.

~ Darynda Jones

Darynda Jones Humor Marriage

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.

~ Dave Barry

Dave Barry Humor Religion

Of all the consumer products, chewing gum is perhaps the most ridiculous: it literally has no nourishment – you just chew it to give yourself something to do with your stupid idiot Western mouth.Half the world is starving, and the other’s going, ‘I don’t actually need any nutrition, but it would be good to masticate, just to keep my mind off things.

~ Russell Brand

Russell Brand Chewing Gum Humor Politics Western Culture

No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

E.a. Bucchianeri Computer Computer Hackers Computers Funny Geek Geek Humor Humor Humour Nerd Nerd Humor Nerds Revenge Vengeance

Come to think of it, she did not speak a word. Yet I could have sworn she had the most beautiful voice.

~ Julie Klassen

Julie Klassen Humor Romance

Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Then when you hit puberty they take the crayons away and replace them with dry, uninspiring books on algebra, history, etc. Being suddenly hit years later with the 'creative bug' is just a wee voice telling you, 'I'd like my crayons back, please.

~ Hugh Macleod

Hugh Macleod Advice Art Crayons Creativity Humor Writing

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort.

~ Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Humor

I sat down and tried to write a story.Ian MacArthur is a wonderful sweet fellow who wears glasses and peers out of them with delight.That was the first sentence. The problem was that I just couldn't think of the next one. After cleaning my room three times, I decided to leave Ian alone for a while because I was starting to get mad at him.

~ Stephen Chbosky

Stephen Chbosky Humor Writing

I'm convinced that responsibility is some kind of psychological disease.

~ Brandon Sanderson

Brandon Sanderson Brain Humor Mental Responsibility

You just gotta tell her, man,’ I said. ‘You just gotta say, “Angela, I really like you, but there’s something you need to know: when we go to my house and hook up, we’ll be watched by the twenty-four hundred eyes of twelve hundred black Santas.

~ John Green

John Green Humor

People often say that the English are very cold fish, very reserved, that they have a way of looking at things – even tragedy – with a sense of irony. There’s some truth in it; it’s pretty stupid of them, though. Humor won’t save you; it doesn’t really do anything at all. You can look at life ironically for years, maybe decades; there are people who seem to go through most of their lives seeing the funny side, but in the end, life always breaks your heart. Doesn’t matter how brave you are, how reserved, or how much you’ve developed a sense of humor, you still end up with your heart broken. That’s when you stop laughing. In the end there’s just the cold, the silence and the loneliness. In the end, there’s only death.

~ Michel Houellebecq

Michel Houellebecq Death Humor Irony

It begins in the heart...and it hurts when it's true.It only hurts because it's true.

~ Morrissey

Morrissey Humor Lyrics Music

A witch, a vampire, and a pixy walk into a bar, I thought as I led the way into the Squirrel’s End. It was early, and the sun had yet to set when the door swung shut behind Jenks, sealing us in the warm air smelling faintly of smoke. Immediately Nick yanked it open to come in behind us. And there’s the punch line.

~ Kim Harrison

Kim Harrison Fiction Humor Rachel Morgan Romance Vampire

Anya jumped in front of the man, acting as his shield. “Now, Sabin. He didn’t mean any harm. He’s borderline stupid. You know that.

~ Gena Showalter

Gena Showalter Humor Lords Of The Underworld William

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

~ Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner Humor Money

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

~ Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Amusing Funny Humor

A novelist can’t be without a kimono and pen!(Shigure)

~ Natsuki Takaya

Natsuki Takaya Humor Kimono Novelists Shigure Writers

When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass!

~ Julie Halpern

Julie Halpern Funny Humor

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

~ Robert Fulghum

Robert Fulghum Humor

Patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.

~ Julie Spira

Julie Spira Computersinternet Dating Cyberdating Dating Advice Humor Julie Spira Online Dating Online Dating Book Romance

Vengeance is sweet. Vengeance taken when the vengee isn't sure who the venger is, is sweeter still.

~ Gary D. Schmidt

Gary D. Schmidt Humor Vengeance

Well, I'm about as tall as a shotgun, and just as noisy.

~ Truman Capote

Truman Capote Humor Self Description

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Humor Mark Twain Sorrow

The dead are way more organized than the living.

~ China Miéville

China Miéville Dead Death Humor

And try to remember what we discussed, Susannah. A mediator is someone who helps others resolve conflicts. Not someone who, er, kicks them in the face.

~ Meg Cabot

Meg Cabot Humor

Most photographers have some kind of verbal patter going on when they shoot: Great. Turn to me. Big smile. Less shark eyes. Have fun with it. Not like that. Some photographers are compulsively effusive. Beautiful. Amazing. Gorgeous! Ugh, so gorgeous! they yell at shutter speed. If you are anything less than insane, you will realize this is not sincere. It's hard to take because it's more positive feedback than you've received in your entire life thrown at you in fifteen seconds. It would be like going jogging while someone rode next to you in a slow-moving car, yelling, Yes! You are Carl Lewis! You're breaking a world record right now. Amazing! You are fast. You're going very fast, yes!

~ Tina Fey

Tina Fey Humor

It seemed Lady Luck hated me worse than usual.

~ Julie Kagawa

Julie Kagawa Allison Fave Humor

I'm not looking for the perfect man. I'm looking for the man whose imperfections I can put up with.

~ Devon Ashley

Devon Ashley Humor Imperfection Perfect Man

How'd you get to be so good at this?I had a good teacher.Better not have been Myrnin or I'll have to kick his predatory ass.I mean you, dummy.Oh.

~ Rachel Caine

Rachel Caine Claire Danvers Funny Ghost Town Humor Morganville Vampires Myrnin Rachel Caine Shane Collins Teacher Vampire Vampires

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

~ Samuel Johnson

Samuel Johnson Humor Humour Mankind Misanthropy

Something about telling that story made my gut grow back together.What?Oh, nothing. Just thinking out loud.That's who you really like. The people you can think out loud in front of.The people who've been in your secret hiding places.The people you bite your thumb in front of.Hi.Hi.......Wow. My first Lindsey.My second Colin.That was fun. Let's try it again.Sold.............

~ John Green

John Green Colin Humor Lindsey

Oh for craps sake. You're not dying again, are you? It's seriously inconvenient when you do that. -Aphrodite

~ P.c. Cast

P.c. Cast Aphrodite Burned House Of Night Humor Paranormal Vampire Young Adult Fiction

I've said it before and I'll say it again, my lord. You are an evil man.

~ Tamora Pierce

Tamora Pierce Humor Jokes Kel Raoul

This book will prove the following ten facts:1. A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there.2. Pigs have wings, making them hard to catch.3. All power corrupts, but we need electricity.4. When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight.5. Music does not always sooth the troubled beast.6. An Englishman's home is his castle.7. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.8. One black eye deserves another.9. Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm.10. It pays to increase your word power.

~ Diana Wynne Jones

Diana Wynne Jones Humor

How did you find me? If you hacked into the Club’s computer to look up my appointments - “Whoa, I think you overestimate me, shitlord. Last time I checked all I did was be in the wrong place at the right time. I saw you and had to - ”“Stalk me.”“ - delicately approach you. In a sideways manner. From behind. Without being seen at all. For ten minutes.

~ Sara Wolf

Sara Wolf Humor Lol

If not for me being stoned and clinging to a taco, it would have been terribly romantic.

~ Richelle Mead

Richelle Mead Humor Romance Taco

Corrival looked around. 'So is this it? Is everyone here? Erskine, maybe you should start the ball rolling. I have places to go and things to do.''Me?' Ravel asked. 'Why do I have to start it? You're the most respected mage here. You start it, or Skulduggery.'Skulduggery shook his head. 'I can't start it. I don't like most of these people. I might start shooting.

~ Derek Landy

Derek Landy Conversation Gathering Grudges Humor Humorous Mages Magic Skulduggery Pleasant

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

~ Bill Watterson

Bill Watterson Humor

My ears are too beeg for my head. My head ees too beeg for my body. I am not a Siamese cat ... I AM A CHIHUAHUA!

~ Judy Schachner

Judy Schachner Chihuahua Childrens Book Humor Siamese Cat Spanish
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