Famous Quotes

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.

~ James D. Nicoll

When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.

~ Graham Chapman

It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.

~ Robert Anton Wilson

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

~ Murphy's Law

My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health.'-Jace'Just break the door down, will you?'-Clary

~ Cassandra Clare

You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

~ Derek Landy

Whatever you do, in the privacy of your own rain shower, is your own business

~ Gregory David Roberts

Also, I think I felt something come loose back there. I'm not trying to overreact or anything but I think it was my uterus. Honest. I think my uterus jiggled free. My uterus is just going to come out between my legs and I'm going to look like I'm walking around with an enormous load in my pants.

~ Meg Cabot

Fine, but if you get yourself killed I reserve the right to flush your ashes down the toilet while I sing the theme from Titanic.

~ Quinn Loftis

Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it.

~ David Sedaris

Roar's smile widened. I know. You missed me. She rolled her eyes. It's barely been three weeks since I last saw you.Miserable stretch of time. He said.

~ Veronica Rossi

Looks like Kelsey wins the award for early riser. And doesn’t she look purtier than a pat of butter meltin’ all over a stack of griddle cakes?

~ Colleen Houck

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.

~ Steve Martin

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

~ Chelsea Handler

Bursar?Yes, Archchancellor?You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?Me? No, Archchancellor.Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.

~ Terry Pratchett

He held up his index finger. Rule one: in any dispute between mates, themale is always to blame, even when he is clearly blameless. Rule two—his middle finger joined thefirst—whenever in doubt, refer to rule one.

~ C.l. Wilson

And what have I done? What? WHAT?...You've stolen them. With that, Cornelia fled, but Buttercup understood; she knew who them was. The boys. The beef-witted featherbrained rattledskulled clodpated dim-domed noodle-noggined sapheaded lunk-knobbed BOYS.

~ William Goldman

Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.

~ Jim Butcher

I think a man's wordplay can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!

~ Junnita Jackson

His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.

~ Darynda Jones

One can never have enough socks

~ J.k. Rowling

It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.

~ Aeschylus

You totally need to watch the news.Can't.Why?It's too depressing.Right, because hanging with dead people isn't.

~ Darynda Jones

It often happens that we blurt out things that may in some kind of way be harmful to us, but we are silent about things that may make us look ridiculous; because in this case effect follows very quickly on cause.

~ Arthur Schopenhauer

Miss Butterworth and the Mad Baron,” Sebastian said approvingly. “Excellent choice.”“You have read this?” Alexei asked.“It’s not as good as Miss Davenport and the Dark Marquis, of course, but worlds better than Miss Sainsbury and the Mysterious Colonel.”Harry found himself rendered speechless.“I’m reading Miss Truesdale and the Silent Gentleman right now.”“Silent?” Harry echoed.“There is a noticeable lack of dialogue,” Sebastian confirmed.

~ Julia Quinn

He was a gentle and sensitive soul, and therefore had a short temper, which is why he went straight after everything with an ax...

~ Bohumil Hrabal

Down there between our legs, it's like an entertainment complex in the middle of a sewage system. Who designed that?

~ Neil Degrasse Tyson

I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.

~ Jeff Kinney

It's amazing what flipping a grown man over her shoulder does for a girl.

~ Myra Mcentire

They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail.

~ Sophie Kinsella

Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is.(Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.)

~ Douglas Adams

People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

~ Bill Hicks

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

~ Erma Bombeck

Oh, Eeyore, you are wet!” said Piglet, feeling him. Eeyore shook himself, and asked somebody to explain to Piglet what happened when you had been inside a river for quite a long time.

~ A.a. Milne

It took a qualified wizard to detect a summoning in progress. It required only a half-literate idiot with a twitch of power and a dim idea of how to use it to attempt one. Before you knew it, a three-headed Slavonic god was wreaking havoc in downtown Atlanta, the skies were raining winged snakes, and SWAT was screaming for more ammo.

~ Ilona Andrews

Harry, we saw Uranus up close!” said Ron, still giggling feebly. “Get it, Harry? We saw Uranus — ha ha ha —

~ J.k. Rowling

And so the Universe ended.

~ Douglas Adams

Look, Laszlo. I'll have the dentist with me, and I don't want to alarm her any more than necessary. So take Vanna out of the backseat and stick her in the trunk.Shanna halted. Her mouth dropped open. Her throat seized up, making it hard to breathe.I don't care how much crap you have in the trunk. We're not driving around with a naked body in the car.Oh no! She gasped for air. He was a hit man.

~ Kerrelyn Sparks

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself-like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

~ Jean Kerr

I'm not bossy - I just happen to be more capable than most everyone else.

~ Shannon Hale