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Funny quote from classy quote

It's funny how the ugly duckling always has so many beautiful things to teach us.

~ Curtis Tyrone Jones

Curtis Tyrone Jones Beautiful Beauty Children S Stories Funny Inspirational Life Life Lessons Paradoxes Self Love Teaching Ugliness Ugly Ugly Duckling Ugly Truths Wisdom

My imaginary pal up there, Mr. NOT, tells me it's my dog-damn ism to kick your illusory he-man's ass. Now, what do you say to that?

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Fakeer Ishavardas Body And Soul Funny Funny And Random Funny Humor Good And Evil Humour Life Humourosly Inspirational Life And Living Life Lessons Metaphysical Quotes Metaphysics Quotes Religion Spirituality Spiritual Development Wellness Guru

Sir Henry fixed him with a keen eye.'Odd name, Tom Skatt - eh?''Thats right''You don't think we could be related?'Tom looked up at his great-great-great-uncle and smiled.'I don't think so''No,' grinned Sir Henry no, of course not

~ Henry Chancellor

Henry Chancellor Adventure Funny Good Secrets Time Travel

There are few things more mysterious than endings. I mean, for example, when did the Greek gods end, exactly? Was there a day when Zeus waved magisterially down from Olympus and Aphrodite and her lover Ares, and her crippled husband Hephaestus ) I always felt sorry for him), and all the rest got rolled up like a worn-out carpet?

~ Salley Vickers

Salley Vickers Aphrodite S Hat Era Funny Gods Greek Irony Love Affair Romantic Time

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

~ Suzanne Collins

Suzanne Collins Boggs Finnick Funny Humour Hunger Games Katniss Mockingjay Odair Suzanne Collins Witty

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

~ Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller Anger Funny Sleep

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

~ Ellen Degeneres

Ellen Degeneres Funny

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

~ Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe Dirty Funny Logo Sex

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

~ John Green

John Green Awesomeness Funny

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

~ Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket Funny

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

~ Cathy Guisewite

Cathy Guisewite Eyes Funny Lemons

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

~ Winston S. Churchill

Winston S. Churchill Churchill Funny True

It's not because I want to make out with her.Hold on. He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit

~ John Green

John Green Funny

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

~ Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld Books Funny

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield Crime Funny Humour Neighborhoods

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

~ Golda Meir

Golda Meir Funny Golda Meir True

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

~ Yogi Berra

Yogi Berra Funny

I cannot go to school todaySaid little Peggy Ann McKay.I have the measles and the mumps,A gash, a rash and purple bumps.My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.I'm going blind in my right eye.My tonsils are as big as rocks,I've counted sixteen chicken pox.And there's one more - that's seventeen,And don't you think my face looks green?My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,It might be the instamatic flu.I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,I'm sure that my left leg is broke.My hip hurts when I move my chin,My belly button's caving in.My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,My 'pendix pains each time it rains.My toes are cold, my toes are numb,I have a sliver in my thumb.My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,I hardly whisper when I speak.My tongue is filling up my mouth,I think my hair is falling out.My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,My temperature is one-o-eight.My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,There's a hole inside my ear.I have a hangnail, and my heart is ...What? What's that? What's that you say?You say today is .............. Saturday?G'bye, I'm going out to play!

~ Shel Silverstein

Shel Silverstein Children Funny Poem

Did you see that dress?” I saw the dress.” Did you like it?” He didn't answer. I took that as a yes. Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?” When he spoke, I could barely hear him. You'll endanger the school.” I smiled and fell asleep.

~ Richelle Mead

Richelle Mead Funny Sweet

Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane

~ Rachel Caine

Rachel Caine Funny Morganvillevampires

I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist

~ Gena Showalter

Gena Showalter Antipathy Dislike Funny Hatred

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

~ Will Rogers

Will Rogers Advice Funny Reticence Silence

But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.

~ J.k. Rowling

J.k. Rowling Celebrity Dumbledore Fame Funny

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield Funny Humour Infidelity Parenthood Parenting Sexuality

She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..

~ Masashi Kishimoto

Masashi Kishimoto Funny Manga Naruto Women

Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!

~ J.k. Rowling

J.k. Rowling Funny Wizards

Do you want a cookie?- What?- A cookie. Like an Oreo. Do you want one?- No.- How can you not want a cookie?- I just don't.- Okay, fine,let's say you did want a cookie. Let's say you were dying for a cookie, and there were cookies in the cupboard. What would you do?- I'd eat a cookie?- Exactly. That's all I'm saying.- What are you saying?- That if people want cookies, they should get a cookie. It's what people do.- Let me guess. Dad won't let you have acookie?- No. Even though I'm practically starving to death, he won't even consider it. He says I have to have a sandwich first.- And you don't think that's fair.- You just said you'd get a cookie if you wanted one. So why can't I? I'm not a little kid. I can make my own decisions.- Hmm. I can see why this bothers you somuch.- It's not fair. If he wants a cookie, he can have one. If you want a cookie,you can have one. But if I want a cookie, the rules don't count. Like yousaid, it's not fair.- So what are you going to do?- I'm going to eat a sandwich. Because I have to. Because the world isn't fairto ten-year-olds.

~ Nicholas Sparks

Nicholas Sparks Cookie Funny

Perv.He pointed to himself. Male and eighteen. What's your point?

~ Rachel Caine

Rachel Caine Funny Morganvillevampires

Don't gobblefunk around with words.

~ Roald Dahl

Roald Dahl Crazy Funny Words

aren't you, uh... reproducing?sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things.

~ Cassandra Clare

Cassandra Clare City Of Bones Funny

Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.1. You're wearing that?2. Something smells funny.3. Where's the Tylenol?4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.5. I have a confession to make…6. My dad has a suit just like that.7. That man is hot. Look at him.8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…9. You're going to order that? Seriously?10. You're how old?

~ Gena Showalter

Gena Showalter Dating Funny

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

~ Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield Crime Funny Humour

Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impos

~ Lewis Carroll

Lewis Carroll Alice Alice In Wonderland Door Funny Humor Wordplay

This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.

~ Charles M. Schulz

Charles M. Schulz Cute Funny Sad Stupid

A ghostly smile flickered across his face. If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around. Funny, I feel that way about you too. He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away.

~ Richelle Mead

Richelle Mead Christian Funny Rose

Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. “Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”Brekker’s lips quirked. “I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.”“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.

~ Leigh Bardugo

Leigh Bardugo Funny Ghost Jesper Six Of Crows

Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!

~ Hergé

Hergé End Of The World Funny Tintin

Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.

~ Laurell K. Hamilton

Laurell K. Hamilton Anita Blake Bad Ass Funny

Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not.

~ John Green

John Green Funny Harry Potter Reality

If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up.

~ Charlaine Harris

Charlaine Harris Funny Sookie Eric
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