Hilarious Quotes

Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side chick … or the side dick.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Unless it is you, finding out who your lover’s dream lover is is a nightmare.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Physical development was alleged to assist spiritual and intellectual development, while also helping safeguard boys from the 'solitary and sexual sin' of masturbation.

~ Martin Crotty

What is it that Australians celebrate on 26 January? Significantly, many of them are not quite sure what event they are commemorating. Their state of mind fascinated Egon Kisch, an inquisitive Czech who was in Sydney at the end of January 1935. Kisch has a place in our history as the victim, or hero, of a ludicrous chapter in the history of our immigration laws. He had been invited to Melbourne for a Congress against War and Fascism, and was forbidden to land by order of the attorney-general, R. G. Menzies. He had jumped overboard, broken his leg, gone to hospital, failed a dictation test in Gaelic and been sentenced to imprisonment and deportation. When the High Court declared Gaelic not a language, Kisch was free to hobble on our soil...

~ K.s. Inglis

The greater the injury, the greater the fun.

~ Leinad Eibam

For a long moment the butler sat in silence, his jaw hanging open. “I . . . my lord, I simply don't feel qualified to advise you about such matters.”“Don't tell me that,” Saint protested. “Tell me whether you can imagine me as a married man or not.”To his surprise, the butler set aside his brandy snifter and sat forward. “My lord, I do not wish to overstep my bounds, but I have noticed a change in your demeanor of late. The question of whether anyone can imagine you married or not, however, is one I believe must be answered by you. And the lady, of course.”Saint frowned. “Coward.”“There is that, as well.

~ Suzanne Enoch

You’re all right, Blue Eyes.” She lifted her head to look into them. “You’re all right, down the line. You ever want a free bang, you got one coming.”“It would, no doubt be a memorable bang. But my wife is fiercely jealous and territorial.” He grinned over at a very cold-eyed Eve.“Her? You? That’s a kick in the ass.”“Every damn day,” Eve muttered, and strode out.She kept striding, out of the club, back into the comparatively fresh air of the city street. And fisted her hands on her hips as she spun to him. “Did you have to do the ‘my wife’ crap?”His grin remained, and only widened. “I did, yes. I felt a desperate need for your protection. I believe that woman had designs on me.”“I’ll put a design on you that won’t come off in the shower.”“See, now I’m excited.” Reaching out, he toyed with the lapel of her coat.What have you got in mind ?

~ J.d. Robb

People have been sleeping and/or marrying their way to the top since the first cavewoman said: ‘Ugh, that one’s the strongest and has the biggest club. I’ll shake my mastodon-skin-covered ass at him.’”“Ugh?”“Or whatever cave people said. And it’s not just women who do it. Cave guy goes: ‘Ugh, that one catches the most fish, I’ll be dragging her off to my cave now.’ Ava sees Tommy and—”“Says ugh.”“Or today’s equivalent thereof.”-Eve & Roarke. .

~ J.d. Robb

The greater the pain, the greater the fun.

~ Leinad Eibam

Her gaze flickered to the balcony doors and back, her brows knitted in confusion. “My balcony doesn’t connect to yours.”“I jumped.” He grinned at the flash of concern he saw in “her eyes. “At dinner, your grandmother informed me that you’d be moving to the room beside mine. She also mentioned how close my balcony was to yours; so close that even an old lady like herself could leap between the two without the least effort.”Venetia’s cheeks heated and she pulled her nightgown closer. “Grandmama is anything but subtle.”“Almost as subtle as your mother.”“Oh, no! Not Mama, too.”Gregor paused beside a small table to pick up a silver tray holding a cut crystal decanter and matching glasses and set it on the table before Venetia. “Your mother was concerned I might be afraid of heights. She told me that if she were thinking of jumping between the balconies and couldn’t bring herself to make the leap, it might be possible to pick the lock on the connecting door with, say, a cravat pin.”Venetia blushed. “I’m surprised they aren’t in here now, throwing rose petals before you as you walk.”“I would never countenance petal tossing. Too showy.

~ Karen Hawkins

Seeing his daughter slowly die, coupled with his infinite sadness and misery, the clockmaker becomes a recluse to the tower of the castle and begins to build something behind closed doors, not even his daughter knows what he’s up to. For five years, she only sees him briefly at meal-times before locking himself up in the tower once again......Did he have a bathroom in the tower?Yes, Jack. A big one! En-suite! Power-shower and spa! Where was I!?

~ Jonathan Dunne

They can’t denied who I am.

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

I am a great woman.

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

A vibrator can last all night, too, vampire! - Denise

~ Jeaniene Frost

She was going to go to her room,munch on chocolate,then collapse into bed.And if her upstairs neighbors decided to talk about who the daddy was or cry again about how much David was loved,she'd go up there and give them somthing to really bloody cry about.

~ Suzanne Wright

The fantasy of life;When I was a child, I said ‘I can’t wait to grow up’.When I was adult, I said ‘I miss childhood adventures’.

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

The majority of boys think the highest form of creativity is weeing a pattern into snow.

~ Beth Garrod

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

~ Lex Martin

Hadn’t retired reporter Stan warned him of how protective Cosimo was of his granddaughters? What if the Carusos had discovered his identity and wanted to rub him out as they’d rubbed out his father?Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now andat the hour of our death.

~ Christie Ridgway

Dante.Oh,Dante.Seal me!Seal me so hard!”.He grabs my hips andpumps his toward mine.“Oh,Dante! You’re so hot when you seal souls.”I shove my idiot-of-a-best-friend off me and laugh.“What the hell was that?” I ask.“My new move.

~ Victoria Scott

You should find something better to do with your time,” Mandy told him. “I spend my time shooting people, and then I take them to darkrooms and blow them up.”“…Come again?” Alecto questioned with a tone of alarm in his voice. “I take photographs and develop them myself, I’ve got my own darkroom… it was a joke,” Mandy laughed. “I love photography and I’m gonna be a photojournalist someday.”“Really?” Alecto asked. For the first time since she’d met him, he sounded slightly enthusiastic. “…I take photographs and I film my own home movies, I have a darkroom as well… but I can’t be a photojournalist like you… I can’t be anything… still, at least I can take photographs, it’s fun.

~ Rebecca Mcnutt